Hi Anna.
Don't worry about going on so long - this is a subject I think about a lot too and it's good to discuss it with someone who knows what I'm talking about. Plus, I am about to write an essay to you on this subject...
I understand where you're coming from when you say about trying to figure out which time would be best to be out of action, as if there is any good time to put your life on pause (especially when you have a toddler running around who wants to play, a husband who has to take on so much more than usual, plus trying to hold down a job too in my case and that's not to mentioning all the other responsibilities that I take care of on a day-to-day basis that I just get on and do without thinking).
When I think about ttc, a part of me gets really excited. I so wish I could get all out excited but it is tempered by the thought of then having to actually be pg. I think some of it comes from the fear of the unknown. Although I can think and plan long and hard about another pregnancy, and write protocols ‘til I’m blue in the face, until I get pg, I won’t know how hard the HG Monster is going to hit me until I’m in the thick of it. I still practically break out in hives just thinking about ttc which makes me think that maybe I’m not really ready yet. But then, I doubt that I will ever get to the point where I am, so I just figure I may as well just get on with it
Another thing I worry about is what would happen at my new job if I started work with them and then within a matter of a few months, I announce that I am pg and then promptly go off sick for months. That does NOT look good at all and colleagues may end up resenting me. On the other hand, I don't want Beth to grow up too much older than a sibling. And also, on top of that, I may even want more than 2 children and I'm going to run out of time if I'm not careful!
I know that I ought not worry and project my anxieties onto things that are so far into the future but part of me thinks if I at least acknowledge it, I will be a little more prepared.
You see? I really wrestle with this whole ttc thing. The thoughts just flit to and fro, backwards and forwards in my mind – that’s why I wish I was ‘normal’!
Beth is an 'Elizabeth' too sort of. Her full name is Liesbet, which is Flemish for Elizabeth. She is named after my Granny who is from Oostende in Belgium (the Flemish speaking part). Beth is the joy of my life – I treasure her so much. I think it is because I had to go through so much hardship to get her here. She has just started walking these past few weeks and boy, she looks so darn sweet taking her little toddle steps it makes my heart want to burst with love and pride
Do you have any ideas about when you think you may ttc? Have you done a protocol yet?
Natalie