Surrogacy contact

Share your questions about and experiences with adoption or surrogacy pregnancy alternatives.

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Surrogacy contact

Postby Ivydragon » May 29, 2004 11:10 am

Just wanted to let you know that I do know an HGer who has twins through use of a surrogate. I only have snail mail contact with her right now, and I know that she has said she'd be willing to talk with others who are interested in this, so I'm going to find out if she'll come and moderate here. If not, I'll let you know how to contact her.

I know that there have been some HuGS forum gals who have been considering surrogacy, too.

Hugs, Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby Joci6 » Jun 01, 2004 4:47 pm

Hi Andy-

I'd definitely be interested in hearing about surrogacy - it is something that has crossed my mind.

Sandra
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Postby Ivydragon » Jun 01, 2004 5:30 pm

Alright, I'll bump up my timeline on sitting down to write to her. :)

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby jjbeck » Jun 05, 2004 1:56 am

HI Andy,

I would be interested.
Jen 34
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DH Bob
DD Ava 4/04
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Postby Abby » Jun 07, 2004 1:12 am

I'd be interested in talking to her, too. We're trying to decide between adopting and having a surrogate pregnancy.

Abby

mother of Nathan, born 11/02
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Me too!

Postby ashleymoore65 » Jun 13, 2004 9:54 pm

I would love to talk with someone too! Thanks Andy.
Pregnant with #3. Praying for healthy baby abd live birth! Mommy to son Greyson- born 8/19/01, baby Moore lost at 15 weeks 3/09/04 and Mommy to Grant 6/29/ 2005. Severe HG with all 3 pregnancies. TPN, PICC, Zofran Pump, Hospitalization, Home Health Care, you know the drill!
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Postby emily » Jun 14, 2004 5:30 pm

Sigh, a surrogate is my ultimate fantasy..... I bet it is a fortune!
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Postby jjbeck » Jun 14, 2004 6:45 pm

ya know, it is costly. but then i was thinking... it is not much more than what a new car cost these days and noone thinks twice about going into debt about buying a car.
not only that, but it is surely less expensive than me being preg again.
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Postby emily » Jun 15, 2004 10:23 pm

I agree with you 100% Jen. My HG pregnancy cost over $70K. Fortunately I only had to pay $450 out of pocket, but one would think. What kind of car are we talking about.... lol I could see myself getting zero support from anyone on this other than myself but I would do this in a heartbeat if I could.
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Postby jjbeck » Jun 15, 2004 11:34 pm

oh i dont know, like a passat or explorer. i hear you about the support issue. i have found though that getting family memberes to watch surrogacy stories on tv and watching others go through the process helps.
as well, it helps when they are able to see stories of pg complications they are better able to support i think.
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Cost of Surrogate

Postby leah44 » Jul 06, 2004 12:45 pm

Hi. Before getting pg this time around, I did a lot of research on surrogacy. I rationalized the cost in my head over and over again.

The cost for the surrogate and the agency (if you go that route) is generally about $40,000. I thought, okay, care for my son for the whole pg may cost about $20,000 so it would really only cost $20,000 more and I wouldn't have to be sick. I was really psyched and kept thinking .. hey we can wait a couple more years before we get that house that we want.

But my flaw was that I forgot to add in the cost of the IVF. Some of it may be covered by insurance but if so, not much. If the IVF takes the first time around, the cost is another $15k-20k. So, the thought of a minimum of $50k-60k IF the IVF is successful in round one made me decide to spend the $20k on care. Well, that is, after racking our brains and coming up with no one that we wanted to ask to carry our baby.

I also was uncomfortable with having someone else's name on the birth certificate, not knowing what the person is putting in her body, etc. but I certainly would have gotten over those things if I didn't have to be pregnant!

Oh, if only we had Kelsey Grammer's money .. we'd have a lot more children! And maybe a nicer car!

Good luck,
Leah
3 HG pgs
Derek 4/22/02
edd 12/6/04
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Postby Ivydragon » Jul 07, 2004 10:02 pm

I know some wanting to pursue surrogacy think it's awful to have to adopt their "own" flesh and blood, but from everything I've heard the recommendation is that the parents of the child (the one raising them through life, not the one carrying to term) formally adopt the child as their own.

How did all your costs add up to $60,000? I knew IVF was $15-20k. We aren't considering a surrogate ourselves, but others will want to know - I always compare IVF to adopting, because that's our route. :)

Our son Adam was adopted, and we were told to order a new birth certificate - several copies, actually, part of the court fees we had to pay went towards this. As far as anyone knows who looks at the birth certificate, I gave birth to him at the hospital where he was born, w/ assistance of the physician who actually delivered him, on the day of his birth. I've never even met the Dr. that delivered him. My husband is listed as the birth father. There is absolutely no record whatsoever that he was adopted on his birth certificate. It's really strange to see that, knowing what I know. He's being raised to know he was adopted, but according to state records, the records were sealed after he was adopted, and WE are his parents.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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surrogacy

Postby Jeanne » Jul 14, 2004 1:23 pm

I'm new to this and am interested in what people have to say. My husband I are currently exploring the surrogate option. How far have people gotten down the road? We meet with the IVF MD in a week and a half but still have yet to contact the atty about locating a surrogate. Of those who have tried it, have you gotten as sick from the injections as you did with pregnancy?

A bit about me, we have two kids, sick with the first one until 18 weeks and Zofran helped with the vomiting but not with the nausea. I could still work, just threw up most of the day. Second child, in and out of the ER and hospital from 6 weeks through delivery. We desparately want more kids. My OB said no more kids from me and recommended surrogacy. I had other pg complications other than the HG and have had numerous health problems since the kids were born.

Looking forward to hearing back.
Jeanne
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Grace 1/01
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Postby Ivydragon » Jul 14, 2004 4:28 pm

Have you looked into adopting rather than surrogacy? I just want to make sure that you've looked into all of your options.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby emily » Jul 14, 2004 5:11 pm

Well, I was doing some research on my own and as I live in Idaho, I came across this http://www.surrogacyofidaho.com/index.php . I had actually heard about it from others. Their price estimate varies quite a bit, but it much lower than $60K. Course, this in Idaho, and it could be that some of our costs are lower here since there is generally a lower cost of living here.

I have looked into adoption myself. I really don't want to adopt quite frankly. I have heard so many horror stories from people who have adopted. My DH is stongly against adoption. We have one child and he was an only child. He didn't feel "cheated" in any way by being an only child, and he would just rather have one child than adopt to have more. On the surrogacy site it addresses adoption and how while adoption is a wonderful option, many of us want our own, biological children, or we would all be adopting. LOL There is my defensiveness on adoption. I have just been hearing that from everyone lately. Oh, just adopt then! Like it is that easy!
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Postby Ivydragon » Jul 14, 2004 6:43 pm

I know how hard it is to adopt. We've adopted as foster parents, and our current roller coaster ride to adoption is rocky, but that is because we feel like we need to make sure our adopted son's 1/2 brother is safe before we proceed to adopt again, and we have new reasons all over again to question his safety.

Anyways, I, too live in Idaho. I was shocked by the $60,000, and have never heard of surrogacy prices that high otherwise (not that I've researched much at all). We could adopt foreign three times over at that price. I'm much more familiar with adoption, and know agency prices vary widely depending on where you go, and I can only presume surrogacy is the same way.

It's ok for you to feel strongly about not adopting, I could never pursue surrogacy, there's just no way I'd submit to removal of my eggs, and raising a child that is not biological just is not a big deal to me. I do, however, think that everyone should always look at their options, and are glad that you have. Any non-pg path to a child has it's own issues (not that pg is EASY for any of us HGers by any means), and I think a couple must be committed that it is the right path for them, because there's so much less regret later on.

Adopting our son as foster parents was difficult because of the long attempted reunification and court process, but we know it was the right process for us at the time for that child, so I don't regret going through it, not that we're pursuing adopting again the same way, mind you. ;)

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby emily » Jul 14, 2004 8:27 pm

I totally agree with you that it is good to think about all of your options, no matter what the topic. If I could just pay $20K and to to the hospital and pick up a baby, I would adopt in a heartbeat. But, I am way too sensitive. I was looking at an adoption website for babies in Guatamala and I broke down sobbing looking at the pictures of these babies that people were just giving away. I just know it (the process of adoption) would be too much for me to handle. But, that is just me, I know it is perfect for so many others.
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Postby leah44 » Jul 15, 2004 12:29 pm

For those of you who have access to Parenting Magazine, there is an article in there about a couple who used a surrogate to have a child. It is very interesting.

The $50k-60k was only if I used an agency to hire the surrogate. I believe it was $10k-15 for IVF (1st time only), $20-25k for the surrogate and $15k-20k for the agency. I looked into this with an agency in PA. I don't know if the rates vary from state to state.

We made our decisions based on personal and financial reasons. I would love to have more children but, if we do, it'll be by adoption. I like the idea of foster parenting first & certainly would love to pick your brain Andy at a much later date. Right now, I'm just trying to get through this pg. I love being a mom but .... urgh, pg sucks!

Leah
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Postby Ivydragon » Jul 17, 2004 9:54 am

Wow, I'm glad you wrote in that breakdown. I had no idea that surrogacy was so common that there were agencies where you could hire a surrogate. I am stunned at the costs, almost like they have to give their arm and leg to obtain their own flesh and blood!

There was an adoption agency in Utah that I once spoke briefly with. The wait for newborns was 3-6 months, at that time, if you had 20K, and I thought THAT was exorbitant. Wow.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Surrogacy costs

Postby Abby » Jan 08, 2005 1:05 am

We are looking into a surrogacy for our second child, and I wanted to clear up a bit about costs. I think it is more realistic to budget about $50,000 if you go independently, without an agency (20,000+ for the surrogate 10,000+ for the IVF plus legal fees, tests, expenses for the surrogate (compensation for missed work, childcare, housekeeping, maternity clothing, supplemental fee for extra testing for the fetus etc.). An agency will charge from $6,000 to $20,000 on top of this. It is also really important to check into agencies, as there are some bad apples out there! A good place to start research is www.surromomsonline.org. Let me know if I can answer any questions.

Abby

Mama to Nathan, HG pregnancy, born 11/02
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