by Ivydragon » Feb 09, 2007 11:03 am
Oh, Zoe, I didn't reallize you'd had a loss last month. You have my most heartfelt sorrows. I lost a baby in 03, after 2 years of planning. I am so sorry for your loss.
The roller coaster previous to placement has been way worse than when we were waiting as foster parents. We've had outright lies about fictional babies, friends with huge hopes but no actions unwilling to approach someone about us, rude social workers, unresponsive social workers, polite social workers, jailed birthmothers, birthfathers with drug habits or guns, homeless birthparents, birthparents who have lost children before but are determined to fight this time, people who have told us our youngest's behavior problems are because he knows he's adopted and we talk with his birthmom, people who warn us not to pursue a certain adoption because of the extended family who'd be supposedly intrusive and bossy, a single pregnant gal admitting to us that whenever she sees us she thinks she ought to give us her baby, but won't because she's too selfish, friends who washed their hands of children, and then later considered taking them instead of backing us as placement, and a friend who didn't tell us about a daughter's pregnant friend who was considering adoption to save us from another roller coaster! People think we only want a boy, or only want a baby, or only want such and such a thing, and we find out because one of 5 actually come to us and say, "but I heard you only wanted" so we could set them straight.
Every time something "adoption" comes up, the world stops spinning, and it's all we focus on. If I wasn't so convinced that our family is not complete, I would have quit by now. At this point, with so many dead ends, we are beginning to believe that the one that doesn't slam a door in our face before we even get a chance at being "matched" with a child is the one God means for us to pursue to the end. And there is still a possibility that before the adoption is finalized, people will change their minds. . . there are stories all the time of birthparents who chang their minds. Less doubtful with this 5 year old, but the birthparents haven't exactly signed their rights away, yet, either.
At least I'm busy, 16 piano students, Adam in Kindergarten, Aaron and Anna to supervise with homeschool, lots of church music resposibilites, and a household to run. That, and I'm trying to spend all my extra time scrapbooking - gotta try to get more caught up before we actually DO add another child to the family. . . at least I'm still convinced that it will happen, lol.
Huge hugs, and know that time does help with the ability to cope with loss. Life moves forward - and I found it best to move forward with it.
Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .