unplanned pg w/ #4 and terrified and need help

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unplanned pg w/ #4 and terrified and need help

Postby halgal427 » Jun 29, 2004 11:49 am

hi,
i have been poking around this board and the delphiforums board for years now. i post every once in a great while, so i am sort of new here. i have just found out yesterday that i am pg again for the 4th time. this was not a planned pg and i haven't even told my dh yet. i feel like i will give him the 4th of july weekend with out the anxiety of worring about hg before i tell him.

I am a complete wreck. I am almost 4 wks pg and still feeling fine. the hg seems to hit me at about 6 weeks. i am obsesed with hg coming to plague me. i can't sleep at night worring about how i'm going to get through it. i cry all the time about what this will do to my children and my husband. i'm not sure if it is worth it this time. i'm feeling hopeless.

i have never really been able to get anyone to help me with my other kids when i have hg and why should this time be any different. i end up neglecting them and they eat whatever they can find in the pantry and watch tv all day. i had to force myself out of bed a couple of times a day just to make sure they are still alive. my husband is almost useless because he has to work so much and then resents the fact that he has to get his own supper and put the kids to bed. he can't handle the stress of it and i don't think he really understands what hg is like for me. even if i do hire a babysitter i will still be putting a huge burden on my kids and husband. i will lay in bed depressed and in pain. the guilt of missing out on the fun and lives of my children, letting them come a few times to give me a kiss. i'm balling my eyes out just thinking about it...never mind the unbearable physical pain of hg. my baby is not even 18 months old and still bf. i don't think i can do this. how will i do this and take care of 3 kids?

is it worth it?

kim
2x hg survivor (didn't have hg with my 1st pg)
expecting #4 in early march 2005
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Postby PamelaRose » Jun 29, 2004 1:47 pm

Hugs to you, Kim! I'm sorry you're in the "Yikes, I'm PREGNANT?!?!" tailspin right now. . . breathe deeply, calm yourself; it will be ok. I was in your shoes with my fourth pregnancy; I cried so hard when I told my husband we were pregnant again that he had a difficult time understanding me! We laugh about it now, how we can both vividly recall that discussion and the emotion, and how ridiculous it seems now that our little one is here and a perfect conclusion to our family.

The more you can arrange now before HG hits, the better it will go. You said you have no one to provide childcare; how old are your other children? Many others here have made it work by creating a safe-zone in the family room where the kids can spend their days happily while you sleep on the couch. Videos, snacks, access to a fridge or even a cooler, colors, games, access to potty, blankets and pillows to put on the floor and nap--yes, it's not "parent of the year" material, but you're doing it with all the love in your heart to bring that new baby here, so it's to everyone's benefit. They really won't mind or remember, and you know that by now. Do you have any means of household help? If you can't find someone to clean, bring meals, shop, then create a household binder with all the info your husband needs. Give him a checklist of what NEEDS to get done every day or week; set up 5 simple meal plans and provide a grocery list for every week, adding snacks for the kids' daytime meals and foods and beverages you'll want on-hand for yourself. He may not appreciate it and will likely complain, but he'll do it. My husband finally "got it" when he was forced to learn how to run fluids at home every night. He still resented being "Mr. Mom," but the tension eased and we had none of the blow-ups we'd had with all the previous pregnancies.

Now is also the time to get started with treatment. B6, Unisom, whatever you've used before. Call your doctor and set up an initial appt. or get a Rx for Zofran or another anti-emetic ready to go. Again, the more you can do now, the less stressful it will be when HG hits. And PLEASE - Let me know your location and e-mail so I can get you in touch with somone in your area. You never know--we might have your saving grace living in the same neighborhood! And if not, having support as you trudge throuigh HG makes all the difference. Just send me an e-mail with your information so I can help you out as much as possible.

You can do this; I'll keep you in my thoughts as you play the waiting game and get plans in order. Please keep us updated with your progress!
Pamela

4-Time HG Survivor
*Brody (8-11-98 )
*Avery (1-24-01)
*Reilly (12-16-02)
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Think it IS possible!

Postby Cecca » Jun 29, 2004 7:28 pm

Hi Kim,
I glance over these boards every so often, not because I am pregnant or even planning to have another baby, but because less than a month ago I terminated my pregnancy because of concerns just like yours. I have two wonderful children, a four year old and an 18 month old. I got preg. again unexpectedly and HG hit me again like a ton of bricks at six weeks. I went into a downward spiral, in physical misery and also worried about how we could financially handle full-time daycare for my kids (I never found help either and no family in area), emotional impact on the family of my being completely disabled for 10 plus weeks, etc., etc. All this plus pathetic doctors who did not educate me (or themselves) about options aside from terminating the pregnancy (like medications, IV fluids/home care) led to our decision to end the pregnancy.

I am here to tell you it was the worst decision of my life. I am not religious and have never been anti-abortion. Regardless of that, the emotional devastation of our decision, which only became apparent AFTER the fact, was beyond what I could have ever imagined. Though right now as I sit here I cannot imagine how my family would have gotten through a third HG pregnancy, I would do anything I could now to have that pregnancy back again. I grieve the loss of that child and will every day for the rest of my life.

I would not judge anyone for making a decision to terminate or not to, after all we are all different and no one knows what life is like in someone else's shoes. I just wanted to urge you to read the many posts by other women who have terminated pregnancies because of HG. I could have written all of them, and they could each have written what I just wrote. The feelings of regret, pain, and a great empty sadness are incredibly consistent among us.

I could not determine your location, but if you are in Connecticut or Rhode Island I would help you in any way possible. If not, I still offer my emotional support, no matter what you do, as will many others on this site. I know too well how easy it is when you are feeling scared and miserable to focus on the negatives and the seeming impossibilities of your pregnancy. If I could give you one gift (other than eliminating HG from the face of the planet) it would be to help you think of this pregnancy as possible. From that basis you can go forward, though it might not be easy. Take care and please keep posting.

Cecca

HG pg #1: DS Reilly b. 5/1/2000
HG pg #2: DD Sonia b. 12/30/2002
HG pg #3: lost peanut (termination 6/3/2004) :cry:
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Postby halgal427 » Jun 29, 2004 11:48 pm

Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. they mean a lot to me. i have an u/s tomorrow and an appiontment with OB because i have an IUD. i'm not sure if this pregnancy will continue because the IUD may cause a m/c.
i'm so torn because i never wanted a 4th child nor another hg pg but i am finding that the idea of a m/c will be devistating. i already have a connection to this baby. my dh doesn't get that at all he would have no problem terminating this pg if it was up to him. he wants me to get an abortion even if i didn't have hg this time. that bothers me. he has no feelings of connection. it really makes me think that he is unable to step up to the plate this time.
I have been trying to look at the positive. it is easier now because i still feel good but i know that as soon as hg hits i will be in the dumps big time. I am trying to prepare for this if it gets that far. I wrote down in a letter to my OB my feelings about this pg and what i will need. i'm terrible at getting my piont across and i always seem to forget to say something so the letter will hopefully help me out.

My last 2 hg pgs were your typical hg...weight loss, IV's with both and a PICC line with the 1st. I didn't take zofran with that pg so that is why it was worse. the zofran w/ my 2nd hg pg reduced the vomiting from 20+/day to 7-8/day. i was still unable to fuction as the zofran didn't touch the nausea. i just did zofran by mouth 3times per day. i tried Phenergan, Tigan, Reglan andCompazine in my 1st hg pg and non of these worked at all so i didn't take any meds during that pg. I am going to start b6 and unisom tomorrow if thing look OK w/ the baby.

I will start to make some food to freeze and find a full time babysitter. My girls are 8, 4 and 18 months. i'm afraid that i will make my oldest watch the younger ones if i don't hire someone and she will end up resenting me and the her sisters.

i will keep you posted on the condition of the baby. if things don;t work out, i thank you for making me feel like someone understands.
thanks,
kim
2x hg survivor (didn't have hg with my 1st pg)
expecting #4 in early march 2005
haley 4-27-96
devyn 11-20-99
isabelle 12-30-02
halgal427
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Location: Bolton, MA

Postby PamelaRose » Jun 30, 2004 8:56 am

I hope things go well with your appointment. Your husband sounds like he's reeling right now, and that's understandable. Stand your ground and be strong for yourself and the baby, and he'll come around with time to sort things out for himself.

If you enlist the help of your older daughters, make it a game or a reward thing, they'll help out with the little one. Honestly explain what is going to happen and why you'll not be able to care for them as usual, start some kind of incentive chart where they get a reward after so many diaper changes, etc... If your older daughter feels that she's being "paid" for her hard work, or at least is recognized as a part of the team, she won't resent it. Kids are so resilient and so eager to please, and a new baby will be worth it all!

Don't forget to get a script for the Zofran tomorrow--best to start before you're struggling. You may want to start Unisom to ward off the nausea for a few more days, and definitely B6 to give it maximum chance to build in your system before the worst hits. And work out a plan with your OB for rehydration or PICC placement if you should need it. Remember, I'm more than happy to line up a support buddy for you, too. Hugs, you can do this!
Pamela

4-Time HG Survivor
*Brody (8-11-98 )
*Avery (1-24-01)
*Reilly (12-16-02)
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Postby dwtegli » Jun 30, 2004 10:14 am

Hi,

I also have an eight year old daughter and an unexpected unplanned pregnancy. When we found out we were pregnant I was very upset. We also have a 14 month old daughter and I did NOT want anymore children. I am now 24 weeks pregnant and have lost my job due to HG during this pregnancy. When I was sickest, everything that could go wrong did. That is the bad news. Now, at 24 weeks I am feeling better and starting tomorrow I will be going back to work for my old, old employer for a few hours a week. Just to help both of us out. My eight year old daughter has been taking care of herself this whole time. My 14 month old has been in daycare full time because I am just unable to take care of her. When she is home, my eight year old helps out immensely. She also took care of me when I was pregnant with the younger one. She doesn't seem to mind much. She gets sick of it at times, but she does understand and she loves her little sister very much and can't wait for her little brother to get here. My husband is very supportive and has had to do all the work around the house. He does get tired of it at times, but he knows that I just cannot do it.

At this point, I am feeling better and am so looking forward to this child. We are finally having a boy and even though their were times that I seriously considered terminating, I am very glad I didn't.
Wendy,
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There's no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. ~ Jill Churchill
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Postby Cheri » Jun 30, 2004 1:18 pm

Hi Wendy,
Congratulations on your pg. I recently had a shock of my own...finding out I was pg last month while nursing a 5 month old. Pamela is right, the kids really can be resilient. My older daughters (6 & 9) have had a boring summer of being at mom's beck & call, doing laundry & watching the baby when I needed to rest. They have watched a lot of TV & haven't gotten to go out as much as usual. They've had to miss a couple of birthday parties & that was devastating. However, they have had financial rewards accumulating too. They get paid extra for doing chores Mommy usually does and extra money each week for helping to watch the baby. I know they aren't having a ton of fun, but they are surviving and I know that we will do all those fun things again once a baby is here.

Hugs, Good luck!
Cheri
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Baby Lost at 15 weeks 3/02
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Postby halgal427 » Jul 01, 2004 12:57 pm

my appiontment went OK yesterday. it was kind of a roller coaster though. my ultrasound showed the IUD but no sac. the u/s tech looked somber and siad she didn't see the baby. after i went back to the waiting room and started to cry. i really didn't think i would feel so bad about a m/c but i did. then i had to wait so long to see the dr. and he repeated the pregnancy test and it came back positive but the line was faint so he is assuming i am very early on like 3-4 weeks wich would be too early to see and egg sac. so now i need to have the IUD taken out so he is looking for it for like 10 minutes and its not there. he finally says that it must have been expelled at some piont. what he saw on the u/s was the back of my cervix or something. the good news is is that this pg has the same chance as any pg. so now i am having my hormone levels drawn to see if the pg is developing normally but i won't have those results until tuesday. i talked to him about hg and hr was VERY understanding and said that he would do whatever i felt like i needed including steriods, PICC lines, IV Zofran, ect. i was very happy he is so willing to work with me. he was also very supportive of whatever decition i make. he didn't judge me for not wanting to do this again.

now i am hoping all is well with this baby and that i can get through the next 5 months. once i hear that the baby is OK i will kick it into high gear and get all of my apreperations out of the way.

i still am terrified of hg. i feel like i am waiting for my doom, knowing that i only have 2 weeks tops to feel good. i was pretty sick the whole 9 months w/ hg but better at 20 weeks. the only time i feel good is these 2 weeks when i should enjoy them instead of worry myself sick.

well thank you all again for you support. i will post as soon as i know if this is really going to happen or not.

kim
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Postby emily » Jul 01, 2004 4:45 pm

Hi Kim,

I wish you the best of luck! I don't really have too much else to add, just letting you know that I can relate to some of your feelings from my own experiences and just want to let you know you have support!

Emily
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Postby PamelaRose » Jul 02, 2004 5:50 pm

Wow, Kim--you certainly had an eventful day! Good that the IUD is not in place - guess that explains your little surprise! Will you be repeating the ultrasound again in a bit when they can see more of the baby? I'll keep you in my thoughts. If you haven't, visit the 1st Trimester forum and run through your treatment protocol. You've been through this enough to know what did not work and what symptoms were worst and not touched by meds; maybe the gals there can help you work out a plan that will stop HG in its tracks this time! Well, at least help out. I finally found that a PICC line and daily rehydration, Zofran, meclizine, and B6 worked for me. I had never tried any of those with the other 3 pregnancies, so I definitely learned from the wisdom of others here. Best wishes to you; please let me know how things are going!
Pamela

4-Time HG Survivor
*Brody (8-11-98 )
*Avery (1-24-01)
*Reilly (12-16-02)
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