by txrhodes » Apr 13, 2007 8:40 am
For 20 years I have been carrying the pain of terminating a pregnancy, thinking I was a hypochondriac, and regretting that I had made the worst decision of my life. I remember I hadn't slept in almost a month, I couldn't even smell food, toothpaste, cologne, just about anything had me hugging the toilet. I remember seeing my ex-husband wide eyed, as I dry heaved, and my body was exhausted and physically I was in a catatonic state. I remember him calling my parents, and saying that the doctors were saying I was just really scared about having this baby, and I needed to relax. I had lost almost 20 pounds in less than six weeks, and the doctor said it was best to end pregnancy, as I was already showing signs of distress and he said I probably wouldn't carry the baby to term. I don't remember all the details, and everything is kind of blurry, somehow, I was young and just did what the doctor told me to do. I didn't have insurance, and he recommended that I go to a clinic, and it was the worst experience of my life. My new husband and I have been unable to concieve and I had not been able to get pregnant and I carried this guilt for 20 years. THANK YOU! I haven't stopped crying, because it is a pretty deep pain, guilt and now I know I was young, and HG impaired my judgement, and that helps ease this. I didn't even want to try invitro, because deep down, I had had a bad experience. and I kept telling myself, it was just God's will. Again, thank you, this information changed my life.