Dr. Phil,
I know you have read a lot of stories here about the physical impact HG has on our bodies. I'd like to relate the emotional impact HG has had on my family.
I am a mother of 3. I was married young and had my first two right away. I suffered what my doctor called " NVP" ( Nausea and Vomiting of Pregnancy). I was able to manage the nasuea without medication, although it lasted until the end both pregnancies and I lost 3 months of work with each baby. Shortly after the birth of my second child, my husband and I divorced.
Ten years later I found myself remarried to a man who desperately wanted a baby. I agreed and we started on our journey.
I am one of the few women who get early onset HG. That is the symptoms start within a few days of conception. I had what most women would term "regular morning sickness" before I even knew I was pregnant. I spent two weeks feeling like I was fighting off the flu before it occured to me that I might be pregnant. Shortly after my positive test, HG hit full force.
I lost 15 of my 120 pounds in the 3 weeks before I could get to a doctor and start treatment.
Before I got pregnant, I was a strong capable woman. I had raised two amazing kids all by myself for 9 years. There was nothing I couldn't do. I was independent, hard working and determined.
Suddenly, I found myself unable to function or take care of my family. My 9 and 11 year old children got themselves up every morning, made their own breakfast and lunches and got themselves off to school.They would come upstairs and say goodbye to me before they left. My husband would work 12 hours days, come home and make dinner, make sure homework got done, baths were taken and the kids got into bed. Then he'd come in and be there for me as I shook from lack of food and cried out my guilt.
The guilt involved in an HG pregnancy is enourmous. My dh felt guilty that he'd asked me to do this and now I was suffering. My children felt guilty everytime they asked for anything that made life harder for me. I felt guilt over everything. I felt guilty about what this was doing to my family. I fought hard not to resent this little angel growing inside me and felt guilty when I occasionally failed. Vacations were cancelled, outings missed or done without me. I couldn't stay in the room as my family while they ate, so meals were eaten without me. The smell of even my favorite foods was overwhelming. I don't even remember how my children's birthdays were celebrated.
I saw the worry in my children's eyes as everything they knew to be true about Mom was stolen. I have heard my daughter say that she's not sure she will have children if this is the way being pregnant is. I have had both children apologize to me in case I felt that bad when I was pregnant with them. Children should not have to tiptoe around their own home for nine months.
I felt guilt because I was unable to do my job. I kept working even after my Dr told me I should stop. It wasn't until I actually passed out at work that I let myself agree to take the rest of the pregnancy off.
I still struggle with the guilt and isolation HG brought into my life. I had envisioned a pregnancy where I would glow and friends would gather around to help us celebrate this new life. Instead, I lost friends who couldn't cope or just didn't understand. I lost my carreer, as work moved on without me. I questioned my abilities, lost my hard earned confidence and wondered why I wasn't able to enjoy this most precious experience. Most painfully , I lost the hope of giving my fabulous husband more babies and the joy of experiencing what pregnancy should be like.
I now have a beautiful 7 month old baby girl who has brightened our world immensely. It is a true testiment to my family that she is here . My children and my husband gave up so much for us to have her and yet they have never once expressed anythig other than joy at her arrival. Her smile lights up our home and not a day goes by that we aren't grateful that she is ours.
Now I have two daughters and since HG seems to be hereditary, I worry that this is a legacy I will pass on to them. Thank you for taking the time to bring awareness to this disease. With proper awareness and funding, perhaps by the time my girls are old enough to have children they will be able to have the fabulous pregnancies I always dreamed of. It will be one less thing I will have to feel guilty about.
Sincerly,
Kris