Speech help!

The HER Foundation presented a Congressional Briefing on Sept. 28, 2005.

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Speech help!

Postby Ivydragon » Sep 21, 2005 1:44 am

Ok, I've pretty much had it with my speech. I must be at 5-8 min., and I'm at 8 min. 11 seconds.

So, here are the goals for my speech. The topic is loss, I have to include quotes, relate my adoption story and represent the forums.

I'm asking your help. I represent you, so tell me if my speech actually does that. Be brutal, I work much better that way, I speak in a week and have yet to feel like my speech is being received as acceptible. If you gals think that more quotes are needed, please let me know on what topics, and help me find them. Either quotes need to be removed to accomidate new ones, chopped to be shorter, or more of my own story would need to be condensed. Telling me why you change something will help me understand the reason and allow me to address the concept and still word things my own way - that's important to me. So here it is - have at it. And please don't worry about saying something that someone else has already said - I need to know if you all agree or not. I'm going to work this a little differently, and once your suggestions are applied or vetoed, I'm going to delete them so I can keep track of what I have considered, and what is new for me to consider.

Andy

Good morning, my name is Andrea. I administrate the HER Foundations’ discussion forums and represent thousands of women who have suffered Hyperemesis Gravidarum, or HG.

I am here to bring attention to the plight of the women I represent, but first allow me to briefly describe my own HG experiences. I was six weeks pregnant when I was diagnosed. Our excitement turned to terror as we realized this was not usual "morning sickness". I was hospitalized, and administered IV fluids for hydration when I couldn't keep anything down. Over the next few months I was put on oral medications, rehospitalized, and prescribed injections for a month. Everyone told me I’d be better by 12 weeks, but I vomited until week 15. I was all right after that and after two vomit-free months I stopped my oral medication. Shockingly, I was again hospitalized within three days, vomiting uncontrollably and severely dehydrated. My Drs. had said nothing about relapse, I’m not sure they even knew. I religiously took my medication from then on and avoided any more IVs. Many women suffer all nine months, and relapse while on medication.

Eighteen months after my first delivery we were asking a new doctor if HG could reoccur. She said, “There’s no way you could possibly be that sick againâ€ÂÂ
Last edited by Ivydragon on Sep 22, 2005 1:05 am, edited 6 times in total.
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Postby Proudmama » Sep 21, 2005 2:19 am

I must say that reading your speech brought tears to my eyes. It means the world to me that you are going to fight for those of us who suffer from this horrible disease. I am truly thankful for your hard work and efforts.

God Bless
Jamie
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DD born 2006-HG (Week 5-Delivery)
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Postby dwtegli » Sep 21, 2005 9:19 am

Wow,

I think it is a great speech. Off the top of my head, I can't see anything that needs changing. I will think about it a bit and if I think of anything, I will let you know.

Awesome!!
Wendy,
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Postby dwtegli » Sep 21, 2005 10:40 am

Jen,

I credit this site with helping to prevent me from terminating my last pregnancy. I am just so grateful to all the wonderful women who helped me through.
Wendy,
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Postby Ivydragon » Sep 21, 2005 12:38 pm

Ok, I deleted the three quotes - I was really beginning to wonder if they had as much impact as originally. I had the quotes worked into my story in my last version, and am trying it this way instead for clarity.

I totally agree that too many quotes can be distracting and looses it's focus, but have been told to add more quotes, and that was with those in there! Do you gals feel that the impact is stronger without as many quotes, and that you are still well represented by what I say w/out having to use too many quotes? Did that make sense?

I found two termination quotes and put them both in. I don't know if both should be in there, so let me know. . . . I have to time it again, and will update that as soon as I can. I know with those two quotes there's no way I'm still at 7 min.

Are there any other situations that should be quoted? I might have time to put something else in w/ those three quotes gone. I edited what I knew I had taken care of, and left in positive comments. :) I'll retime this w/out those three quotes and edit that time, too.

Please don't be upset when I'm editing and deleting posts in this message strain! I'm trying to keep track of what I've changed in my speech and what I haven't and I really like your suggestions and it's the easiest way for me to do this! Sorry!

There might be a way for me to record this on audio and email it to those who want it. I don't have a website that it could be attatched to, so don't know how to do that! I do have a very specific way I read this and words that I repeatedly emphasis, and I was wondering about an audio recording myself.

I doubt it'll be on any TV station for viewing.

Andy
Last edited by Ivydragon on Sep 22, 2005 1:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby dwtegli » Sep 21, 2005 12:51 pm

Andy,

Here is a link to one

http://www.helpher.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1718

I will see what else I can find if I get a chance.
Wendy,
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Postby momof2girlsandaboy » Sep 21, 2005 1:05 pm

Andy,

Wonderful wonderful wonderful. You brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so for taking a stand for us, for creating a place where we can come and find the truth, and a place where we can come and be understood. Best of luck.
Marti
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Postby BrandiJK » Sep 21, 2005 1:06 pm

I like the speech, but I am putting my own tone to it, and it's hard to read when I am not feeling well. It's probably way too much to ask, but is there any way that it could be recorder and put online to get the tone and timing down?

With the changes you have made, what is your timing so far?

I, obviously, can't get to D.C. It's a tad bit of a commute for me ;) Is there any way we could watch this on tv? Some public channel or all news channel maybe?
The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child.
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Postby Atsie » Sep 21, 2005 1:53 pm

It is a great speech.
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Postby RebeccaM » Sep 21, 2005 10:08 pm

I would expand on your personal story and explain more how it affected you mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. You give a lot of medical details about what happened to ou, but I think it would be good to hear more about how it affected you.

Really, I think you've written an excellent speech. Good luck Andy!
Rebecca
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Postby Ivydragon » Sep 22, 2005 12:14 am

Thanks for all the positive feedback!

Rebecca, I like your idea and had more emotional details in my speech but took them out because of time. I have 5-8 min., and I'm at about 8 min. Is there anything that is less important than the emotional impact HG had on me that I should take out in your opinion to put more of my own story in? That's the quandry that I have. I am hoping that some of the emotion can be portrayed by my tone of speech and word emphasis.

Additionally, HG has impacted me more emotionally in the long haul - I was willing to do it again after delivery of my 1st child, and quite at peace not having to face HG again at 23. I was content to adopt the rest of my children until our adoption roller coaster ride was so extreme, and then my ectopic pg after two years of preparation to face HG was crushing. Yes, we adopted because of HG, and we then had to prepare so long because we used a donor because we couldn't conceive naturally because of HG, but it becomes to sound like more of my trauma is because we adopted, and because we miscarried than because of HG. . . where I blame HG for it all. I am actually in relatively good shape emotionally and spiritually compared to many I've seen around here.

Unfortunately, the horror of HG comes across in the medical atrocities, and not because of the loss of the things that emotionally rip us to shreds, and with the time limit, I'm just not sure where to put it, or if it's more important than what is already in there . . . I had some quotes on loss that discussed other issues, but have removed a total of six quotes from my original because of lack of sheer impact. I've been told to expect congressmen, and their interns to literally come and go as we all speak, and that if they stay a few minutes we should be thankful. Every bit of my speech has to have impact because any given person might only hear one or two paragraphs of my speech and report back with papers in hand on HG and form an opinion of whether or not to support a bill next year. It's a lot of pressure. We all know that extreme gets attention, and yet I have to tell my story and represent the forums, all in 5-8 min. I'm really hating speech writing. This is my 3rd week on this speech alone. I'm so glad I don't do this professionally.

What do you gals think? Should I take something out to add in more emotionality? Is that even a word? Gotta get some sleep, lol.

Thanks! Andy
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Postby jjbeck » Sep 22, 2005 11:38 am

Hi Andy. Unless the room will be full of empathetic woman that have been through a difficult pregnancy themselves, I worry too much emotion might backfire. Just my opinion based on my own experiences.
I think bringing up examples where people can visualize and say to themselves " oh my gosh" ... feeding tubes, seizures on the floor and so forth are vry imp details in your speech.
I would hate for you to trim any of that out of your speech. I think your tone of emotion is just right.
Jen 34
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DD Ava 4/04
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Postby Ivydragon » Sep 22, 2005 1:40 pm

You have a good point - there's a good chance a good percentage of the people will be male, and the women will be very career minded. Come to think of it, the more emotional, less shocking quotes left Rob feeling cold, where as the detailed horrific quotes he thought were great.

This is my note that I'm deleting the questions of whether or not this will be video taped, and where I am in the line-up.

Yes, it will be video taped. I have no idea what type of access will be had to that video tape, but at least it will be recorded!

Also, I will be near the end of the speaking time before Dr. Goodwin speaks for the second time, used as a wrap up of how HG affects us. HG will be defined early, so it will be well understood what HG is before I speak. Didn't reallize my speech reflected that so strongly - but am glad that they have found a spot for me.

Andy
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Postby jjbeck » Sep 22, 2005 1:44 pm

OH MY GOSH! I am getting so excited for you guys. I wish I could be there. I cannot wait to see the video!!!!
You all are going be great!
Jen 34
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Postby Ivydragon » Sep 22, 2005 1:48 pm

I fly in 4 days . . . I think it is finally beginning to sink in! I better make sure I've found people to watch my kids. Oops.

Oh, my goodness, I fly to DC in 4 days!?! AAAHHHH! I haven't completely unpacked from Michigan. Gotta do laundry. Oh, goodness. Today's my last free unscheduled day before I leave! AAHHHHH!

Andy
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Postby RebeccaM » Sep 22, 2005 2:20 pm

Good points by Jen about too much "emotionality" (I think it's a great word :wink: ). You definitely have to consider your audience.

Sounds like the speech is coming together!
Rebecca
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Postby BrandiJK » Sep 22, 2005 2:30 pm

Andy, you are amazing for doing this and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I bet you are getting nervous now, but even if we can't be there we are all here and thinking of you in full and complete support! I have no doubt that you will be amazing.
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Postby Ivydragon » Sep 23, 2005 4:21 pm

Thanks! I'm starting to get nervous, so I really appreciate the pep talk and the faith you place in me.

Things are getting a bit crazy around here. Lots of interesting things happening that are totally unrelated to DC, and each other! Still, I managed to clean the living room and sweep the floors yesterday so I feel sane. I also got a deceant night of sleep, but man, when I woke up my mind was all busy again - no sleeping in for me!

Andy
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Postby stephensmam » Sep 25, 2005 4:49 am

Hi andy,
I agree your speech is great and i also think that the more shocking the symptomes instead of emotional stuff will impact more its still the truth the emotional effect of hg is really only know by us that have been through it no one can imigin that who has not had hg but the convultions , crawling to the bathroom vomiting 70 plus times a day like me or have you dh lifting you in and out of the bath and washing you like a baby as in me also on pg no 1 people can imigin that i think it will make more of an impact and get people to sit up and listen i understand that you ony have 8 mins but if you could somehow work the physical stuff in at the expense of the emotional it would be great, i realise this is probaly to late now but i sure whatever you have written is fantastic and i for one what to thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing thi s obviously im not from you country but i plan on doing something similar here its something im am deffinatly looking into so may be in the next few months i will be coming to you looking for advice on my speech,

all the very best luck and carry the torch girl
love and HUGS
Jacqueline xxx
lots of love and hugs Jacqueline
HG pg no 1 28/04/98 darling son Stephen ivs only,pnd
HG pg no 2 01/09/04 darling daughter Sarah ivs , zofran, steroids, meclizine, b6.http://lilypie.com/Kids_Birthday_code.p ... y_code.php#
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Postby Ivydragon » Sep 25, 2005 9:28 am

Actually, not too late to change or add a quote at all - not until tonight!

Ann Marie will be speaking and sharing her story, so her quote will not be neccessary to include by her own wishes (so don't worry about offending her). So I have room to include another quote if someone has a burning desire to actually find one (or write one from personal experience) for me to pop in.

But I have to know today. I won't have time for email in the morning. Ok, so I'm a junkie, and I"ll check it, but I won't have time to rewrite my speech and print it again, so there's like 6 hours left for suggestions and tinkering.

Huge hugs to you all, and thank you so much for all of the encouraging feedback. I really feel good about the fact that I'm representing you, you know what I"m saying, and you like it! I think I've actually pleased the masses - it's a miracle. ;)

Andy
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