Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarriage?

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DID you ever think about it?

I did think about death, miscarriage, or termination
I did NOT think about death, m/c, or termination
Total votes : 268

Postby Thisbattymom » Mar 08, 2007 9:25 am

When I was younger (like teen) I was a big supporter of Planned Parenthood & very pro-choice b/c I believed that I would have an abortion if I ever got pregnant. Then I got pregnant... and never doubted that I wanted my baby = I changed my stand on abortion. I did refer to my baby as "The Parasite" during the worst moments, when I doubted that either of us would live, but even when the Dr suggested abortion as a "cure" I didn't consider that an option.
I did often think about dying. I did fear my child being born w/ many severe deformities due to my health condition. I was plagued with nightmares of people being tortured & murdered... and I feared that it would somehow make her a criminal. The fear, pain, lack of support, blood, etc made it impossible for me to think clearly or enjoy the pregnancy at all = I thought about death a LOT and avoided dealing with what was going on. I regret that. HG robs a person of the "joy" of becoming a mother and leaves terror behind. I wish I could have had "hope" while pregnant... maybe that would have made me feel differently during and after the pregnancy.

I voted "yes". Not because I thought about terminating my pregnancy but b/c I did worry about dying all the time.
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Postby Mausburger5 » Mar 14, 2007 8:06 pm

I answered no on the poll. I put it down to plain stubbornness.

To be completely accurate, I did think about death and termination, but only to conclude that they weren't options. I just had to get through it and tough it out. I never worried or wished for miscarriage. I had absolutely no doubts about the baby-- she was kicking my butt! I knew she'd be fine.

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Postby TraciWilliams2 » Apr 04, 2007 5:52 pm

As hard as it is to admit, I thought about all of them. We even went to our doctor (both of us in tears) saying we couldn't do it anymore. It was then that she became our hero and said she would keep us both alive. And through every turn we thought it would get better and it would just get worse. I thought about each one so many times, praying for it to just end. I had people just saying to terminate and that I could do it again, they just had no idea what we HG'ers go through. Now I feel guilty as can be about it, but it is reality and what we have went through to bring our babies into this world.
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Postby PamelaRose » Apr 04, 2007 6:56 pm

Yes, but not as seriously as some. I wavered between praying to live and hoping to die with the first pregnancy, when I had no idea what was going on. Termination was never a thought, not because of any moral stance, but because I have no clue how to even go about lining one up in such a way that doesn't involve a 3-hour drive there and back. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. But when I started spotting with the last pregnancy, much the way I had with the miscarried pregnancy, I was thrilled because I figured it meant an escape to HG. And at the end of the pregnancy, I gave in and was induced at 39 weeks despite my personal oposition to early induction. For the most part, though, HG was an out-of-body experience. I detached as much as possible and just trudged through. I have a difficult time recalling the worst parts of my pregnancies now--probably a good thing.

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Postby Ben's Mom » Apr 04, 2007 7:13 pm

I don't know how to answer the question about abortion and miscarriage... We struggled with infertility and I had a miscarriage, so our baby was very, very, very planned. I remember thinking that if I hadn't tried so hard to get pregnant, I might terminate because the suffering was too much. And I never wished for a miscarriage. Only because the grief that came with my first loss was much worse than the HG for me. (I'm not saying that it *is* worse -- everyone has a different tolerance for physical and emotional pain. But for me the grief was unbearable). Does that make sense?

As far as wanting to die... Yes, every day!! I wished there was a way I could die and the baby would stay alive. Then... I was watching a crime show where a woman was raped while she was in a coma. And they were keeping her alive for the baby. I couldn’t believe how envious I was of the comatose woman on the show!!

Then... some major political figure was in the news when I was pregnant. He was in a medically induced coma. That became my dream -- a medically induced coma until I delivered my baby. That wasn't one of the answers, but that is what I thought of the most -- more than death, miscarriage or termination.

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Postby pumpkinhead » Apr 09, 2007 1:40 pm

Oh definitely. I remember saying "If I were a horse, they'd have shot me by now" in complete serious to my husband. I was actually told I was probably miscarrying due to low HCG levels and I was secretly glad. I have horrible guilt about that still and did then. Logically, I know it's still, but there it is.
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Postby pumpkinhead » Apr 09, 2007 1:41 pm

Praying to live and hoping to die was very much how it was for me.
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Postby twillow » Apr 09, 2007 3:58 pm

I don't always go daytripping into the life folder, but I'm so glad that I caught wind of this poll. DH and I said that after Seth was born (HG and bad delivery) that we would NEVER have another natural child, that we would adopt. After 3 years of people telling us "every pregnancy is different" we decided that given our ages, it was getting to be time to really make a decision. We tried for 5 months on our own, had a miscarriage, and concieved this baby on a round of Clomid. This was a very wanted pregnancy, and I spent the first 2 weeks after my BFP worrying that I was going to miscarry because I was having brown CM. Then the sickness began... I was a little relieved in the beginning, because I knew that my sickness was a good sign of a viable pregnancy. Funny how 1 week and three trips for rehydration can change your views on things. From that point on, every few days I would beg my DH for us to abort the baby. I thought, this is God getting us back for going against his wishes and getting pregnant with help. I should have just taken the sign that we did not get pregnant as his will, or a warning. I have thought many times about how easy it would be to just have another miscarriage and how the nausea would end. As for dying myself, I asked routinely to be taken out back and shot - but I really think that I was more afraid that I really was going to die, because for many weeks, even with a great doc and somewhat aggressive treatment, I wasn't getting anywhere close to any better. I still feel no real attachment to this baby, but I know that that will change with time. I am SOOO relieved to know that I am not abnormal for having had these feelings. Thanks everyone for being so honest. It really helps when you're still in the thick of it.

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Postby Kev's_girl » Apr 25, 2007 2:36 am

Honestly, yes, I've thought about all three. Termination being the least of them, but miscarriage and death?? Yes.... still do.

It's something I can't even say outloud, and won't, but when I'm at my worst and crying, and my husband is holding me and I say over and over, "I just can't do this anymore," I know he can see in my eyes what I'm thinking. We both agree that termination is not an option unless my life is seriously threatened... even then I can't imagine what a horrible decision that would be to make, and my heart goes out to all of you that have had to make that decision.

My thoughts don't start out with, "wish I was having a miscarriage", but when the nausea/vomiting is at it's worst, I think about how there's no way our baby will be able to survive what my body is going through, and then I worry that I'll have a miscarriage, then I think that the suffering would be over if that happened. It's always directly related to having this horrible suffering be over with. Including the times that I wonder if this will kill me.

I think alot about what Kevin would do if something happened to me and the baby, and what my family would do. I don't want to die, and I don't want to lose this baby. But you can't help but think sometimes that you can't go on like this. It's difficult just to think about now, and type this out, because I know that this should be the happiest time of my life, and it just isn't. That is awfully depressing to me right now.

The only hope that I have is that I will have a healthy baby boy, and when I hold him in my arms, I will instantly love him and know that this was all worth it.
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Postby pamedic » Apr 25, 2007 8:54 am

I picked
I did NOT think about death, m/c, or termination

With my first pregnancy everyone told me it was normal to be so sick and I didn't know any better. I was miserable, but able to suck it up. With my 2nd pregnancy it took us 11 months to conceive and I vividly remember laying in bed crying that I didn't know if I were ever to get pregnant again, how I would handle being so sick again. Little did I know I was also ready pregnant at that point. I had no clue it could get so much worse. I had Severe HG with #2. I never wished death on myself or the baby. I know if anything happened that I would get pregnant again. We wanted 2 kids and come Hell or High Water I was going to have 2 kids. I feared all the time that something was going to happen to the baby, but never wished it on him.
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Postby DMImakai » May 02, 2007 12:47 am

The honesty of this thread is just wonderful.

When my HG was at its worst, I did think about miscarriage, like "maybe I'll have a miscarriage and this ordeal will be over . . ." sort of way. I did not think about death, though I did think about how being so sick made me much more sympathetic towards those with lasting debilitating illness.

As for termination, since it is a legal option, it did cross my mind but I never seriously contemplated it. I am pro-choice and always have been, and this PG did not change my mind. In fact, I was so frightened by my illness and realizing how much worse it could have gotten without the care I got, that I was grateful that termination was an option, albeit one I would not have exercised. I just could not imagine being that sick involuntarily. By that I mean I reminded myself that I had chosen to get pregnant and wanted the baby desperately, and even though I didn't chose the illness, I would live through it voluntarily. (Sorry, I'm not expressing this very well . . .)

I've never seen statistics about this, but since we are being so honest, can't HG be deadly without treatment? Seems to me it can. Imagine having it in a place where IVs were not even available!
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Postby natacha » Jun 05, 2007 4:52 pm

Wow, reading this post just gives me the chills. I can recall those thoughts and the thought process so clearly. I also live with the guilt of wishing for a m/c and then having it happen almost immediately after thinking it. This happened with my second PG. I was PG with twins and had already been in the hospital 2x. They had tried 2x to insert a PICC line but were unable to due to my lousy veins. I lost the twins at about 12 weeks. We tried to have genetic testing done but was unable to get any information. All we know is that they were identical since they shared the same sac. It helps to see that other have had the same thoughts.
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Postby bethanyk » Aug 30, 2007 1:57 am

At the beginning, I thought about all three every day. I actually thought that I was completely losing my mind, because I would pray for a miscarriage just to end the horror, but then the reality of what I had done/thought would set in and I would try to "erase" it by saying 2 prayers that the baby would be safe. Then I would have the same thoughts about my own death and repeat the process again and again. It was this horrible vicious cycle. As far as termination goes, I don't think I ever really, really seriously considered it, but I would fantasize about it just to imagine an end to my misery. At this point, now that I am almost full term, I am so, so grateful that none of those things happened, and am just hoping and praying for a healthy delivery.
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Postby janbabe » Sep 11, 2007 5:44 am

I voted yes. I remember lying in hospital just wanting to die. I actually hoped each night that I would just not wake up the next morning. Then I found out at 10 weeks that the baby had severe abnormalities and wouldnt survive to full term and the hospital wouldnt terminate I wished every day to have a miscarriage. To be honest I dont know what the outcome would have been if we didnt factor in the fetal abnormalities. Who knows? I may have given in and terminated, i would like to think I am stronger than that but Im honestly not sure if I am. I hope next time I cope a bit better because Im a bit more mentally prepared, last time I had no real idea what was happening and no support from the doctors or hospital (backwards health system in Australia!)
The honesty of everyone in this thread is really moving, you are all so brave
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Postby Mommy2myHGkids » Oct 23, 2007 3:18 pm

I didnt think about a m/c or abortion at all with either of mine, I just REALLY REALLY wished that the people that had never had it would understand what I was going through. They would always say, if you dont think about being sick, then you wont be. But if you sit and mop and think and worry about being sick, then you are going to be. I was like, yeh right, like I really want to be sitting here vomiting all day long rather than play with my 17 month old.. Geez!!!

But I can totally understand if someone did have those feelings though. I was VERY tough!
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Postby -samanthakay- » Oct 23, 2007 6:33 pm

I vote yes.
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