Did you ever consider termination or wish for a miscarriage?

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DID you ever think about it?

I did think about death, miscarriage, or termination
I did NOT think about death, m/c, or termination
Total votes : 268

Postby octobermomma » Feb 05, 2007 8:20 am

I thought about it but I guess in a different way. I thought I was going to die...didn't want to. I thought I was going to m/c and was worried that I would. As far as termination my thoughts were that they would try to talk me into it and that was somewhere I wasn't prepared to go.

So, as far as contemplating these as options, no. But thinking about them...yes, they were in my thoughts but more as worries than as options.
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Postby tatteredtoo » Feb 05, 2007 10:43 am

aaronsmommy wrote:Good idea!

My general feeling is that if the thought of termination never even crossed your mind, then you probably didn't have hyperemesis! I guess we'll see.

That is my opinion, too. Other than those who have already posted that they didn't, I haven't met anyone who hasn't thought about it before. Even the woman that I just met in my mom's group who hasn't ever been to the forums or anything but had HG with her first pregnancy... gosh, it was interesting. When we first met, I asked her how she felt about it. She gave me THAT look (if you know what I mean) and softly said, "I wished I was dead." I'm sure she saw me give that same look back and I told her I had been there, too. I don't think anyone but an HG sister could understand that death is only a wish to end the suffering, not to end our lives.

Honestly, in my first two pregnancies, miscarriage and termination never entered my mind. People even asked me if I would consider termination and my reply was that it simply isn't an option. I did pray for death sometimes. I figured, if I died, they could somehow save the baby and all my suffering would end.
However, in my third pregnancy, was completely unprepared physically, mentally and emotionally. I think I literally went crazy when HG started and I did contemplate termination. Unfortanely for me, I had the option to follow through that time because the baby wasn't there in the first place. I did have the medically induced miscarriage after confirmation that there wasn't a baby. :(
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Postby NurseLiz » Feb 05, 2007 10:57 am

Sometimes still do..
Too embarassed to post more..
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Postby TwoIsEnough » Feb 05, 2007 11:09 am

With Avery, I had never thought of those things. I was so worried for her and didn't believe that a baby could survive what I was going through. I often found myself saying I had to be strong for her and not give up, but most days I was on the edge. When I went into labor in early July (she wasn't due until later in Sept.) I feared losing her and that was the hardest. After having her, the reminders of hg weren't so bad, just the reminders of the mag they gave me to stop labor.
I had fears of getting pg again, but my DH and I wanted two children so badly...and we were going for a 2 year gap. We contemplated for awhile because of my pg with Avery, but decided to go for it (now a three year gap).
I was adopted, and terminating a pg was something I never would think about. My adoptive mom lost three babies (after they were born) and I know what that has done to her.
When I got pg this time and the hg settled in (quickly), I started having regrets. I began feeling guilty and upset for Avery...as though having her wasn't good enough. I haven't ever thought about terminating, but I began having thoughts of life going "back to normal" if this pg didn't make it. Then I would cry and get angry at myself for thinking "such a horrible thing." I wasn't about to ever share these thoughts with anyone, not even my DH. So I hid my thoughts, my guilt and began to look at myself as being selfish for dreaming of life without hg and this pg.
I had my big breakdown and during that my husband made a remark about questioning the idea of having a second child. I was so thankful that he too had a least had some thoughts questioning our decision. However, our questions were all due to the hg. I shared my thoughts with him finally, then began to push myself to think of the joy that Avery has brought and if I made it through that I could make it through this one.
I definately have days where I wish it was over and I could go back and erase everything from November 2006 (when I became pregnant), but I try to think that I can go through 9 months of hell for this baby to be able to have a wonderful life.
This pg though has made us decide we are done having children, even if we have another girl (which means the last name will no longer be carried down as my husband is the only male left with the last name). Since I don't have luck with birth control, and I don't want to trust the ol trojan, we are in the midst of making permanent plans. I can't imagine having an unexpected pg, and hg...i think that I would have thoughts of termination on a daily basis then.
I am glad to see that others go through some of the same feelings and that it is normal...not selfish to think those things. Hang in there girls share your thoughts and feelings. I have noticed on here that no thought or feeling is abnormal, bad, strange, selfish, etc.

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Postby becca93 » Feb 05, 2007 11:18 am

Considered all 3.

When I fell down some stairs late 2nd tri, I *know* there was a moment in the first week after it happened, what with all the people asking "how on earth did that happen?!" that I wondered whether on some level I had done it on purpose.

Now I know with confidence that I'm just an unlucky klutz :)
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Postby rjdecker » Feb 05, 2007 11:21 am


I have been thinking a lot about this issue lately. Yes, I thought about termination, at least with the first baby. The first time I thought about it, I was horrified at myself. I could not understand why I would think this! I had a home health nurse who helped me a little with those feelings. He came over to help me with my IV and after it was all set up, he asked me what my worst fears were at that moment. I told him I was afraid I was going to die and that I wanted to terminate the baby. He helped me through those feelings. I will never forget that nurse.

But there were times in other pregnancies where the HG was written off as in my mind. I was really struggling when I was pg with Amy. It was dh that wanted me to terminate that pg. I was so sick and getting sicker, and the doc didn't seem to know what to do with me. He had never had to deal with an HGer before. I did tell dh no, that we could make it through. I am so glad we didn't, but I don't think anyone would have judged me at that point because it was so bad. Except maybe my own mom. She really struggles with the fact that we had considered termination as an option with any pg. I made the mistake of confiding in her how I had felt at that time. I don't talk about it anymore with her. She really freaks out.

But the most important thing I have learned, is HG is horrible! And I understand that any woman who does use that option, it is not my place to judge her, but to help her through it. Hg does terrible things, not just to our bodies, but to our pysch as well. I think coming here has helped me sort through those thoughts I had that horrified me. They don't horrify me anymore. Is that weird? I actually feel at peace. I no longer feel guilty for them.

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Postby mammaclare » Feb 05, 2007 1:54 pm

Wanted to terminate. Prayed for miscarriage so that I didn't hae to live w/ the guilt of a termination. Didn't want to die, in fact, was TERRIFIED that I would die...so that one I don't "qualify for".

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Postby jesspinky1 » Feb 05, 2007 2:10 pm

When pregnant with Hailey, I went so far as to make the appointment for termination. I did not go through with it though.

The twins, I just wished I would die, never considered termination with them.

With William (the worst pg) I wished for miscarriage and then prayed that it would not happen. I was so scared that it would happen because I wished it at a bad time. I also considered termination. I seriously thought about doing it and telling DH it was a miscarriage. I also thought about killing myself. I thought that everything would be much better without me. That my children would be happier if I was just gone then they could possibly be with me so sick. I thought DH could find himself a woman who didn't get sick to have children with.

Wow, getting that out is kind of a relief. But it forced me to face what I have been trying to repress. I really think I should see a councelor about my feelings. hmmm
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Postby tatteredtoo » Feb 05, 2007 2:39 pm

Liz, you don't have any need to feel embarrassed, but I completely understand if you're not ready to share feelings about this topic yet. It IS one of the hardest topics to discuss about HG, in my opinion. Just know that you're loved and not alone. :hugs:

Is it odd that I think this is the best thread that I've seen yet on these forums? I don't know why. I suppose it's that we are all welcome to share our thoughts and feelings on what would normally be harshly judged topic on any other forum and not one person has said or done anything 'wrong' here because we know the horrors of HG and what that can ultimately lead to, whether it's thoughts or actions. We're all loved and cared about and it feels great to share that with instant understanding.

I did want to mention one more thing that I read after I posted last time. I wished and prayed to die, but at other points I was so scared that I was going to that I prayed that I wouldn't. I know I went back and forth throughout my pregnancies. Did others have the flip-flop feelings, too?
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Postby Kenderyl » Feb 05, 2007 2:54 pm

tatteredtoo wrote:Did others have the flip-flop feelings, too?

I know that I had flip-flop emotions. Sometimes I wanted desperately to die and end the suffering and others I was distraught that I might and actually began several stages of the grieving process in anticipation that I might, which included the pleas to God that I'd be okay in the end.
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Postby Cheri » Feb 05, 2007 6:18 pm

Yes to all three.

1st time-wanted to miscarry
2nd time-wanted to die but baby to be ok :?
3rd time-told dh to just put me out of my misery many times...thought of termination crossed my mind.

After the loss, and with better managed hg...I don't think I've wished for any of them in subsequent pregnancies.
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Postby justme » Feb 06, 2007 9:28 am

I was compltely surprised, and terrorized, by how awful my hg was the second time around. We did think about terminating (even made an appointment), I begged to die, and prayed to miscarry. Anything to end the misery that I was experiencing and to protect my dd, who was greatly being traumatized by the whole experience. I was in intense physical pain, could not function on even the most basic level, and developed a very severe cause of perinatal depression. But after having experiences all of this, and having had a missed miscarriage - I would like to think that no matter how bad it got, I would never have any of those thoughts again. But my family and neighbors and coworkers all thought I was literally going to die in a matter of days. And we were so afraid of what the baby was experiencing - was it experiencing the intense pain that I felt, were my very extreme emotions damaging the baby, how was it growing okay when I could eat or drink NOTHING? So in some ways, the thoughts of wanting to miscarry/terminate were also about trying to protect our baby - as bizarre as that must sound. I think it can be especially horrifying if you don't know what is going on, this hg stuff - which we did not.
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Postby jackie » Feb 06, 2007 10:50 am

Is it odd that I think this is the best thread that I've seen yet on these forums?

I was just thinking the same thing reading everyone's responses. I thought about termination sometimes every day and sometimes once a week when I felt like I was going to die. Sometimes I wished I could somehow die but keep the baby alive. I felt like I had cancer or some terminal disease. I understand how people condone euthanasia (sp?). I always knew I wouldn't have another abortion after the first one (due to severe HG and no treatment). I just kept telling myself that the emotional pain afterwards would never go away and the HG would. I also suffered a non-HG related miscarriage two years before my pg, but still prayed for a miscarriage. I would then feel enormous guilt for praying for one and pray that my baby would be okay. No one else understands and I mean NO ONE.
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Postby JasmineHG » Feb 06, 2007 1:50 pm

yup- and this was the only place i could even hint at those feelings without being shunned and making loved ones angry and defensive. I never said all my feelings out-right...but made clear hints here on the boards. everyone understood that they were feelings and helped me through...
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Postby JennyK » Feb 06, 2007 7:04 pm

Yes to all three with my first pregnancy. I also had a secret plan to deliver and run away, never to be heard from again because of my resentment toward the baby.

Not so much with my second even though it was the worse of my two pregnancies. The second time I signed up for HG and was as prepared as I could be to deal with it. I was terrified of miscarrying because I wanted another child so badly and didn't know if I'd have the strength to start over. I was also terrified of dying and leaving Annie without a mom to the point where I considered terminating after the first time they thought I might be septic from my PICC. I never harbored any resentment toward the baby with the second pregnancy.
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Postby C&G'sMommy » Feb 06, 2007 7:15 pm

I've thought about still do, which is horrible since I do loosing a child from HG, but sometimes I just don't think I'm strong enough to handle this for as many weeks as I have and all want to do is give up. With my first pg I was worse and it did happen, I still blame myself for that in some ways, but that's a whole other depressing story.
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Postby NurseNicole » Feb 07, 2007 11:04 pm

No I never thought of a miscarriage. I don't know why it just never crossed my mind to "wish" for one. I was worried about the baby but obstetrically I was always GREAT (until further along)

As far as termination goes. I never considered having an abortion. I did want it just to be over and I didn't care how. I would say please just let me be over this. I STILL just want it to be over. Obviously I wouldn't have an abortion at 33 weeks, BUT I wish to go into early labor or be induced early and don't much care about the what if's. I figure because I have been so sick he is having repricutions anyway and my body isn't taking care of him properly so he mine as well come out.

I thought about death ALOT...my own. I started off thinking OMG, I could die of amniotic fluid embolism. (a girl from my HS board died of it last year and another suffered from it but survived) Then I got sick FAST. There were times at my sickest when I PLEADED with God to either make it stop or just take me. I thought about smashing my van. I was petrified of losing my kids and them not having a mommy but didn't want to continue. When I had my PICC line I thought about giving myself heperin to anti-coagulate myself. I thought about how easy it would be to be done with it with a centeral line.

I came extremely close to death and didn't even realize it until I was in the hospital. THAT scared the crap out of me.

The problem is I want it to be OVER so badly I really don't care of the effects right now. I don't even feel guilty about it. which is SICK, and logically I KNOW this. I'm the type of Mom that gives up everything for her kids, they ALWAYS come first ect... This TIME I just simply want it over.

I'm sure I will feel guilty if anything is wrong with him at birth. I did with my 2nd dd which I had mild HG with. I blamed myself for her illnesses. she is STILL my sickest kid. (I wasn't early with her, I was actually overdue)
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Postby anji » Feb 08, 2007 4:10 pm

My 1st trip to ER, as I laid there about to get jabbed with the IV, I thought:

I don't want to be pregnant anymore. Why can't I leave my own body? Well, only one way to achieve that: death. Can they administer euthanasia through my IV?


How about an abortion? They can do that in ERs, can't they?
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Postby Jenny » Feb 08, 2007 10:41 pm

You girls have been so wonderfully honest thank you so much!!! Anyone else want to join in?
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Postby mmichelle » Feb 08, 2007 11:25 pm

I hate to say it but honestly during the first trimester and part of the second it was a daily thought. My dh and I actually got into a huge fight over it because I told him I couldn't do it anymore and I was going to find some place where I could terminate the pregnancy. When he told me that I couldn't do it...it led to a big fight with the its my body and I am the one who is going to be miserable for the next 9 months you don't get a say. When I started bleeding I was so hopeful that I was having a miscarriage that I was actually disappointed when they said that the baby was okay and that it was a placental abruption. I still on my bad days have thoughts that I wish I had ended it when I had the opportunity, but then she wiggles or I think of the little girl growing within me and I feel bad. I think that when you are this miserable it is really hard to remain postative and want something that makes you so sick.

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