Ideas To Help Your Wifes/Partners

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Ideas To Help Your Wifes/Partners

Postby Alison » Aug 25, 2005 9:11 pm

Hi everyone!

I thought I would start this topic so that men can come and see a list of things that might have worked for us to help us through this tough time with HG. We understand that men have a need to provide, protect and fix everything. It is understandable that it is frustraiting for you and very painful and confusing at times to not know what to do and how to make everything better. Your wife/partner might be lying on the bed/couch/floor whatever moaning, crying, screaming or just puking and barely breathing and at that moment... what do you do?

Well, I hope that this topic will help you with some of that. I will start off with some of the things that Bradley, my husband did for me that helped ease the suffering, even though sometimes only a little.

1. He would rub and squeeze my feet. We have a lot of pressure points in our feet (I use to be a massage therapist) and if you hit the right spots it can ease nausea and if nothing else it might distract her for short moments that she might not otherwise have.

2. He would read stories to me. Yes, cheesy and childish sounding, but it is another distraction. Also, in an odd sort of way it will bond you two together in a more comforting/nurturing and protecting way as we bonded with our mothers as babies.

3. He would lightly rub my head. This would sooth me, though not if I was having an exceptionally bad day.

4. Make sure she has plenty of ice near by if she can't keep down water.

5. Make sure she has access to a tv and or computer - distraction is the key!

6. If you have to leave her, don't be gone longer then you have to be and always be near a phone so she can reach you, even if just to moan in your ear.

7. Always listen. If she just needs to cry, let her. If she needs to scream, let her. If she needs to be held, hold her. Just be there in support. Let her know that though you may not understand how she 'feels', you are there to do whatever it takes to help.

Well, this is all I can think of right now. I hope this helps. Also, I will look forward to anything that others might have to say on this topic as well. If I think of anything more I will post it. Just remember, you too are not alone. For other woman out there that are suffering with HG, there are men who along side them suffer too in their own way. Knowledge is the key. With a lack of knowledge there is fear, but with knowledge and support then you have a tool you can use. I hope this helps!

Sincerely,
Alison
-5 Little Angel Babies with Jesus-
www.enivamembers.com/vitalhealth
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Postby carla » Aug 25, 2005 9:31 pm

Love the ideas Alison!

The one thing that is very troubling for my hubby and I is my, terrible sense of smell. I desire to be close to him. I want him to hold me, but that is not possible. I can't handle his smell. He is not a smelly person at all, but I couldn't handle the smell of anyone or anything. This is very difficult for both of us. There must be other husbands who are going through the same thing, so please note that it is not our desire to be affectionate towards you, it is simply that we can't handle the odors around us. BE PATIENT with your wife or partner. Love her and tell her that you love her always.
Severe HG with DD (Gracee) 30/03/2006
Severe HG with DD (Amara) 01/04/2008
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Postby Alison » Aug 25, 2005 10:03 pm

Great post Carla!

That is a good point about smell. Here is an idea, though I am sure you have probably already tried this, maybe it will work for some and not for others... but...

First, I don't know much about unscented laundry detergent and dryer sheets, but that should be an option.

Secondly, maybe when your husbands/partners get home... they could take a quick shower without using any products - just use water to wash off any and all smells. That way, they can be closer to us without those extra smells of detergent, softeners, deoderant, shampoo, soap and colongue, etc.

If you can try this, let me know if it works. Also, they should brush their teeth, maybe there is a toothpaste that doesn't have a strong smell to it. Just a thought.

Thanks again Carla!

Sincerely,
Alison
-5 Little Angel Babies with Jesus-
www.enivamembers.com/vitalhealth
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Postby dwtegli » Aug 26, 2005 9:18 am

I love all these ideas, but I have another one.

Be prepared to bring her (or got get her) anything she happens to be craving. Cravings could usually stay down for me.
Wendy,
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There's no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. ~ Jill Churchill
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Postby BrandiJK » Aug 26, 2005 11:49 am

Ways my husband has helped me:

- Patience
- honesty when patience wears out.
- help around the house
- help with the children
- letting me cry, but never letting me give up
- telling me I am beauitful every day, even when I have been puking for hours on end.
- letting me sleep with the window open (smells)
- using mouth wash all the time all day with out making it obvious (I notice love, if you ever read this, and I thank you.)
- getting me anything I am craving no matter the time or convience
- supporting me if anyone tries to cracker me
- rubbing my shoulders
- petting and brushing my hair
- calling all day to be sure I am alright
- being genuanly happy to see me eating or drinking, yet not forcing me when I say I can't.
- Not making comments when I am yacking loudly in the bathroom
- being honest in the fact he doesn't quite get it, but trying with all his might to understand and help.
- kissing my belly
- kissing my belly
- kissing my belly
- loving me. Thank you.
The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child.
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Postby Beth B » Aug 26, 2005 1:31 pm

My husband has given up onion and garlic for the duration of both pregnancies - I can't stand to eat or smell them while pregnant. This has made his eating challenging, but it's helped SO much - we can cuddle!
Beth

Mom to 2 HG babies:
William 12/02
Thomas 9/05
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Postby mandy » Aug 26, 2005 2:24 pm

I will never forget my dh holding me whilst I was crying and asking me to stop now because he was so worried it would make me even more dehydrated. I loved him so much for that comment and will never forget it. Hg brought us so close that I know we will be together forever. If you can get through that together, you can get through anything. That's how I feel anyway.

Brandi - your post gave me a lump in my throat. All these dhs sound just wonderful.

Mandy x.
mother of two
hg from wk 6 - daughter born in 1999
hg from wk 5 - son born in 2002
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Postby Alison » Aug 26, 2005 3:24 pm

These are so great everyone!!! I am sure any guys out there will be very appreciative for some direction/options.

About getting cravings and keeping them down, I totally understand. Bradley would go out anytime of day or night (of course it was ususally at the most inconvenient times) to get me whatever I wanted. The only problem with me anyway was that my craving would only last for about 15-20 minutes, so if it took longer than that... I couldn't have it. - Poor guy! It got so that as soon as I had a suggestion for food/drink - he was out the door to get it.

Brandi - your suggestions are great! Reading everyone's input makes me remember more what it was like and what Bradley would do for me.

It is a great man who can be strong when needed and also gentle when needed. And a wise man who knows when to be what. I hope that this topic will help them with that, because God knows how hard and sometimes frustrating it can be when you are right in the middle of an intense moment of HG and he does the wrong thing.

I will keep trying to come up with things and checking in to see what all you have added. Thanks so much for offering so many options! I am sure the guys and their wives/partners will greatly appreciate it.

Sincerely,
Alison
-5 Little Angel Babies with Jesus-
www.enivamembers.com/vitalhealth
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Postby carla » Aug 26, 2005 4:37 pm

My dh does so much for me, I feel eternally grateful. One thing that I have appreciated so much is the fact that he cleans out my yucky spit bucket. He doesn't say anything, he just picks it up, empties it, and cleans it out. Now that is true love.
Severe HG with DD (Gracee) 30/03/2006
Severe HG with DD (Amara) 01/04/2008
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Postby Alison » Aug 26, 2005 5:06 pm

To True Carla To True!!!

I tell ya, who knew for better or worse entailed this? These guys are wonderful for sticking with us through all of this.

I think that some guys, the only reason why they do some of the things that they do (that aren't so good) is because they either just don't understand, are scared or just flat out don't know what they can do. So, they either try to act like it is really nothing or they get frustraited and that ends up coming out on us.

I just want to say that if anyone's special other falls into any of these categories, please get them to this site and maybe it will help - if they just understand that one, it is real... two, there are other guys out there who are going through what they are too... and three, there are things that they can do. Maybe it will help.

Hope this helps.

Alison
-5 Little Angel Babies with Jesus-
www.enivamembers.com/vitalhealth
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