by HGx3 » May 31, 2004 7:58 pm
Hi there. I am one week postpartum today. I want to post about my recovery journey while it is still so real and fresh. This is my 3rd pg with severe hg.
This will be my first experience with severe ppd. I have been on effexor for depression during my last 2 pgs, but as i said, this is the first i have experienced severe depression after the birth. I cannot seem to get control of my emotions at times.....I become really weepy and cant stop crying. This turns in to a full blown anxiety or panic attack. My chest feels tight and I feel like i cant breathe, when i try to take a deep breath i just cant. When I try to drink, I feel like i am drowning. I still cant drink water. I have only been able to drink sprite or tea for most of this third pg, and I am still in that rut.
This is all so new for me, and I am very scared right now.My husband and I think that a lot of it has to do with how traumatic this pg was for me.I had to leave a Doc I really loved b/c she wouldnt take a proactive approach, I had a HHC company accuse me of abusing phenerghan of all things, and then tried to sue me for various medical supplies that they claimed i refused to return after cqancelling service, I had 2 infected picc lines, one infected infusion pump site, 6 hospitalizations and severe weakness and depression.
Usually, I have such a WONDERFUL birth experience. This time was a traumatic experience. I had to deliver at a hospital that I didnt like, I had a horrible nurse that failed to catch several signs that my baby was in posterior presentation, and she kept saying things like, she thought the cord was wrapped around his neck. At one point my blood pressure was 160 something over? and she said I was stroke level, not to mention, I had been having symptoms for up to 3 weeks that i told my ob about, and he just dismissed them.
I am upset b/c i feel like they could have caught it, and turned, him, but instead, we were both put at risk. He then had to spend 3 nights in the NICU, so after EVERYTHING I had been thru, I still did not have my baby yet. The bottom line is, my births are usually closure for me, however, this experience opened up new wounds for me to try to cope with.
The most amazing sadness I am feelinf though, is that I AM NOT PREGNANT! Does that even make any sense? I am also sad about my upcoming tubal, even though I am POSITIVE that I cannot do this ever again.
I will call my ob tomorrow to see what he suggests I do at this point about my ppd. I will try to almost journal this process so that it might help others going thru it.
I would love t o hear your thoughts and experiences!!!!
Huge Hugs,
Lisa
HG Mom to:
Matthew, 2001
Lauryn, 2002
Joshua,2004