Hyperemesis Gravidarum Support and Research Forums

by **BrandiJK** » Mar 27, 2006 8:34 pm

So...it finially happened. I cracked. Oh boy, did I crack. I had a mental break last night, pretty ashamed of myself actually. I don't think I have ever bawled so much, and tears still keep leaking out. I am not ready to talk about my behavior...suffice it to say, it was very bad.
Dh wants to talk with me. I have no idea how to even begin to tell him what I feel. And I think I am afraid to put it out there, my walls are so high after the HG abandonment. I don't want to be vunerable.
I am having a hard time just getting this much out in words. To put all that I feel into words seem near on impossible.
But I figured this was a good start. At least I am saying *something*.

If I still can't put any words to it and feel this strongly emotional, I'll go seek help. I know it's bad if I can not express what is happening verbally.

by **carla** » Mar 27, 2006 9:28 pm

(((((BRANDI))))))) a million hugs for you!

by **Carcully** » Mar 27, 2006 9:59 pm

((Brandi)),

Don't feel ashamed...we all have those moments. Sometimes it takes an explosion to get everything out on the table, and be able to begin to move on.

Big hugs to you. I hope everything works out.

by **IslandDreamer** » Mar 28, 2006 12:21 am

((Brandi))

I'm so glad you can come here and unload some of what you feel. It's a lot to carry HG and the accompanying emotions and other crap. I'm sorry you feel badly and lost it...I could share stories about losing it if you would feel less alone. Trust me on this one...I've about said it all during/after HG, and if I've not said it, I've likely thought it :wink:

.

Lots of love,
Suzanne

by **caleighbelle47** » Mar 28, 2006 1:38 am

((((Brandi))))

I agree that we all have our moments that we're not proud of, especially in the early postpartum phase. For me it usually takes breaking down to start things getting better. Hopefully this will work out for the better and you'll be able to express how you're feeling.

by **Atsie** » Mar 28, 2006 8:25 am

((((((((Brandi))))))))))
Big hugs to you! I was there too with the breakdown. It helped things though.

by **rjdecker** » Mar 28, 2006 11:08 am

Big hugs, Brandi! I cry like that often. It is so frustrating because you just don't know how to express how you feel. It could the shift in hormones along with everything else. But don't let it last too long. You may need a little bit of help.

Jenny

by **krisalis** » Mar 28, 2006 1:40 pm

Breaking down could be just what you needed. It's like cleaning the dirt out of a wound before it can heal. You are handling this very well. I can see that you know what your limits are and will do what ever you can to feel better. Horray for you. Obviously , you are a very strong lady . Don't worry. You'll get through this and life will be so much better.

Take care,
Kris

by **karolinagurl20** » Mar 28, 2006 4:59 pm

i love you brandi. I dont think anything that is happening to us hg girls is very fair, no one ever said life was fair but i dont understand why it has to be so scary :cry:

good luck with dh. let us know if you feel like you can. I know we all care. Everyone has shown me that they care and the care just keeps going around. kayla

by **Gracie** » Mar 28, 2006 6:03 pm

((((Brandi))))... I was hoping that you would have a smooth time post-partum, I'm so sorry to hear about this! I think you're entitled to crack, you went through a lot during the pg and needed to get this out.

Let me know if there is anything that I can do!

by **BrandiJK** » Mar 28, 2006 8:25 pm

Confession...I weaseled my way out of the 'talk' (just didn't bring it up again, and neither did he). I am just not ready yet. I don't think he is either.

Thank you all. This too shall pass, as they say.

by **AmberWest** » Mar 29, 2006 6:18 pm

(((((((((((((Brandi))))))))))))))))))

I'm really sorry hon. I was too hoping that you would have a smoothe time pp. It's probably for the best that the 'crack' happened sooner rather than later though. Let's face it, the longer the build up the worse the explosion. Leave the talk for when you are ready and can articulate what you are feeling. I'm waiting myself for the explosion on my end. My failing is I keep things in far to long. I'll go numb in a way, then when that's not working little bursts of aggression or bitterness start happening, then BOOM! I either explode, or shut down and there's no turning back for me at that point. I hope things resolve for you soon sweetie and you and the DH are on firmer/healthy ground.

`big hugs`

by **Mom to Aidan & Daniel** » Mar 29, 2006 7:02 pm

As crazy as this sounds, I'm jealous. I'm cracking inside, and holding it in too much. I don't know who to explode at :shock:

I'm getting help, so that's good for me, and good that you're open to that if you need it. Poor dear, it's been so much, and DH needs to know what you feel so you can bridge the gap between you. Ultimately this can be a blessing.
Big hugs and lots of support!

Sarah

by **samib** » Mar 30, 2006 6:47 pm

Cracking is good, please DON'T be ashamed.....you have every right to crack,and it's good you are getting it out.......You are so strong, you will get through this. I know you are strong becuase you did this HG thing three times, and you have been super supportive to everyone on this site.. You are amazing, TRULY AMAZING......you given so much of yourself over the past 9 months.....

TONS OF HUGS!

SAMI

by **Hopester** » Mar 31, 2006 2:03 pm

Oh ((((((((Brandi)))))))

by **BrandiJK** » Mar 31, 2006 4:26 pm

Thanks guys, things are getting better slowly. I still feel like I am runningmyself into a big old emotional wall, but it is geting a bit easier topeak over the top. Since my big break down, Dh ha sbeen home more, and been helping more. He is approaching me more delicatly and sincerly. Though, the weekend is starting,and his phone has been ringing off he hook. So I am awaiting the moment he comes to tell me he's leaving to go out this weekend, then we'll see how much better I actually am.

Sarah

As crazy as this sounds, I'm jealous. I'm cracking inside, and holding it in too much.

Vodka helps, apparently. So does a suddenly *very* low tolerance. It was the only night Hailey has ever had formula. :oops:

Which, of course, really didn't help much, as I took on all that extra guilt.
Us moms, we are good at taking on guilt, aren't we?

Anyway, I am doing better, as I said. Little by little I guess. Thank you all for your loving words, hugs, and support.

by **Mom to Aidan & Daniel** » Mar 31, 2006 8:26 pm

I cracked tonight :shock:

I'm not jealous anymore. Where's that vodka?

Sarah

by **Mom to Aidan & Daniel** » Mar 31, 2006 8:27 pm

Guilt?? What guilt?? :shock:

Sarah

by **BrandiJK** » Apr 01, 2006 12:26 pm

(((((((((((Sarah))))))))))))) how are you hun?

by **Mom to Aidan & Daniel** » Apr 01, 2006 2:25 pm

Better than last night. But ugh. Having a very hard time. Hugs, S

Hyperemesis Gravidarum Support and Research Forums

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Putting the Pieces Back Together, Post HG

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