I am sooo stressed out!!!

[Natalie]

I don't even know where to start... Hmmmm let's see... Maybe it's just this is how it is when you have 2 kids but I feel so bad. Some days I cope ok and thinking it's not so bad (ok, so that's happened twice in the past 8 weeks) and some days like today I just wonder how I'm going to get through and count down the hours til dh gets home.

Everything is so finely balanced and if something goes wrong then i all comes tumbling downa nd I can't bear having Theo screaming. Beth is sooo demanding, I don't even feed Theo peoperly and I don't ahve enough miljk in the evenings to give him. I didn't even get to eat til gone 1pm today so i know that means I';ll ahve to give Theo formula again tonight and he's been throwing up more today than ever in his whole life and a lot of it is the Formula. Then he only gets to eat in 10 minute sessions. I spend my life telling Bethy 'hang on a minute', 'you'll just have to wait' etc... etc... because she's on at me all the time 'mummy, I wantt o get out the highchair' mummy, more juice, mummy water' I'm running round like a headless chicken. I have soooo much housework to do.

I have started using cloth again which i find incredibly stressful with all the extra washing and not just that but the bed clothes and day clothes. There's not enough time in the day and I ahve to get Bethy out every morning an afternoon otherwose she goes nuts and I spend all my time pulling her off Theo because she's so enthuisiastic in her cuddles.

Bethy needs potty training and I don't ahve the time to do it and I know they say that you shouldn't do it when there's a new baby but she keeps pulling all the gel out of her disposable nappy.

Sorry for all the typos, Theo crying again, Beth not sleeping... gotta run not time to proofread!

This is not enjoyable in the slightest.

Natalie, x

[mandy]

Natalie,

I really am here you know, and will always be happy to help you in any way. I know I'm not 100% at the moment but I am ok. I had my baby nephew for the day last week as sil's childminder was ill and it did me good, felt nice to help out.

I can do washing, I can do baby-minding - like watching Theo in the front-room whilst you and Bethy have some one-to-one in another room - uninterrupted. I'm also a mean duster and vaccum-upper!

Alternatively, you are always welcome at my house to let Bethy have a play with some different toys, and you to have four different walls to look at. Plus me!

You know it does get better. In fact it gets wonderful. You are still in early days and DOING SO WELL. Sometimes I think it's so unfair. We have these adorable little newborns and amazing toddlers, but in the blur of being the main carer you hardly get to enjoy them at all. I have realised why grandparents love their grandchildren soooo much. They really get the best bit of them.

Only a phone call away...
Love, M x

[rjdecker]

Big hugs, Natalie! Hey, can I come out and play, too Mandy?

Jenny

[Marie]

((((Natalie))))

You just descibed my life after Tyler was born. Here I was trying to juggle two, and those who had 3+ seemed to have themselves together. I could not handle two in public (at first).
We went through a few different formulas before we found one that Tyler could tolerate. Tyler still has reflux, but no where near as bad, and it does'nt seem to bother him any...just a pain to change his bibs and clothes 10x a day.

It does get better. I found that with time (and Lexapro) a semi-routine was established, and I began to enjoy life instead of just trying to complete the impossible daily tasks ahead of me.

Thinking of you,
Hugs,
Marie

[Mom to Aidan & Daniel]

Oh my dear! I empathize, and I only have 1 baby to care for! Get all the help you can, reduce demands on yourself, maybe use disposable diapers if you can, and slow down the pace. Only do the most necessary right now, and let some things go.
I feel so bad for you! It must be so hard!

Huge hugs and support!

Sarah

[BrandiJK]

((((((((((((((Natalie))))))))))))) it does get better, it really does. I know that does not help at all in the mean time though.

Isn't Bethey about Brigits age?

I suggest picking a cupboard or drawer that can be Bethys, filled with cups and plates and what not, also maybe a spot in the fridge that can be for her so she can get some things on her own. Try to encourage her independance more. It will be a bit extra only in the very beginning, but very quickly will make you rlife much easier.

As for potty training...that's a tough one. Brig is still not trained, She'll do it for a few days, then just flat out refuse to use the potty. But pulling the gel out of diapers would be so hard!
Maybe, since you are washing nappies anyway, you sould try some training pants on her, the rubber bottoms?

I do understand where you are coming from. I cry quite a bit some nights, just because I am pretty darned over whelmed.

[dwtegli]

oh my GOD, I am not the only one? My youngest is now 17 months old and I am still thinking I am nuts. I hope for those of you that say it gets better, that you really know what you are talking about, because my kids are going to drive me to an early grave. If one isn't screaming, the other is. By the time we get them home from daycare, they are tired, hungry, and all they want to do is whine. And all we want to do is eat and rest. All I can say is, it better improve.

[carla]

wow ((((NATALIE)))))

I can't even imagine!

I hope the other ladies can give you some good advice, as I have never gone through that!

So sorry you are struggling right now!

[bibliojo]

Oh ((((Natalie))) is this what I have to look forward too???

I wish I was closer by to help out but I'm not so take up Mandy's offer to help. Can you not switch to disposibles for Theo until things settle down a bit? It would mean less work for you. I know your passionate about cloth but you have to consider your sanity as well. Can Andy give you an afternoon off so you can go out by yourself and have a look around the shops? Have a coffee? Don't pressure yourself to have Bethy potty trained right now either. Luke isn't and he's 8 months older than her! You are going through the hardest part right now and it will get easier - everybody I know that has two has told me this. And you'll be happy when they are older and have each other for playmates.

I wish for more calm and peaceful days ahead for you.

Joanna

[Jenny]

Not sure which helps you more a simply (HUG) or if you want advice, but you get both! If you don't want the advice part, just reread the hug part over and over!

SIMPLIFY!!! Whatever you can just simplify. Paper plates, plastic cups, disposable diapers. Whatever you can do to take some of the strain off you, do it. Don't do any of those extra chores that can go without. Closets will be messy in a month whether you clean them today or not. So don't bother. No sane mother has a spotless floor every single day, if your floor is all clean at least for a moment a week, you are doing a good job. Whatever you can do without, do without. Also something that helps me is to turn off the television and turn on some soft music, calms all of us down and helps us to stay focused.

And feel free to post here and rant, we have all had days like those, and that is totally ok. One time when I was having a month like that, a woman told me it would only get worse as they aged. I thought I would die. But to be honest every day has become easier and easier and more of a blessing. It doesn't get harder, it gets easier. And as they become more self sufficient, it gets more fun. There is no deadline for potty training, no dead line for learning the alphabet. As long as you have all of that done by the time they go to kindergarten you are good!! You have plenty of time. No worries!

[Kadinga]

(((((((((Natalie)))))))))))

That sounds so hard.

Adding to Brandi's suggestions, can you get a little table and chair for Bethy to sit at so that when she is finished she can get herself up? Heather is about the same age and she has one. She does leave a fair bit of food behind, but she also comes back and finishes it when her tummy feels a bit empty 10 minutes later, which saves me having to re-produce snacks at 10 minute intervals.

Good luck, thinking of you

Amanda

[Mom to Aidan & Daniel]

I just wanted to add that I use organic cotton diapers from the local health food store. The brand is Moltex, made in Germany. They are unbleached and natural, and of course easier on the planet. I figure that with cloth I'd be using water and electricity to clean them, and with these I'm creating garbage but on a lesser level than regular ones, so it equals out somewhat perhaps

[caleighbelle47]

I feel for you, I really do. I remember feeling exactly like that, and in a way I still do. Isabella is very needy too and so is John and there's just not always enough of me to do everything. And the laundry, I was in complete shock at the amount of laundry we had once John was born. It took a long time to learn to stay on top of it enough, and there's still always dirty clothes everywhere.

I agree with Jenny though, simplify as much as possible. Don't expect you house to be perfect or everything to be taken care of. As the kids get older it will get better and for now the things can simply wait. And feel free to vent away here, we all understand.

[Natalie]

Thanks for all the tips and the listening ears

Things are going a bit better today but that's because Theo has actually slept. Yesterday he went 11am 'til 1am without sleeping when I finally gave in and gave him some Formula. He wasn't hungry in the day, he just needed to be rocked and to have some peace and with Bethy around, it just doesn't happen. He had a couple of 20 min cat naps but not at all what he needs at his age. I was just tearing my hair out by the evening. I was chopping mushrooms for dinner whilst simultaneously rocking Theo's rockerchair with my foot to try and pacify him whilst singing Baa Baa Black Sheep to Beth who was sitting in her high chair.

The fridge is on top of the freezer so she can't reach it. She does have a little table and chair set but she won't sit and eat. She is up and down, up and down with food in her mouth and it just goes all over the hallway and then because I don't get around to hoovering it up, it gets trodden all over the flat. Her high chair and her cot are the only places I can contain her lol

I do feel very strongly about using cloth nappies for a couple of reasons... mainly environmental reasons and the cost. We can get eco dispoables but the shop where they sell them is on a very busy road and parking is a nightmare. That in itself is enough to bring me out in an anxiety attack!

I know I should give myself a break. Maybe I don't ahve a right to complain if I'm not helping myself?? I am a perfectionist and the flat is a total mess with washing everywhere so I am relaxing a bit. My dh is definitely along the lines of 'kids / housework are your dept. You do those, I'll do my PhD. That is what we agreed' He works 6 days a week. I had to battle to have him take Theo for 20 mins this morning as I was up 3 times in the night for Beth and 2 times for Theo. and I got to bed at gone 1am so I was exhausted. Then Theo spent the whole time this morning crying and getting so distressed I got up to see what on earth was going on. I could hear Andy making himself breakfast while Theo was screaming and then after 20 mins Andy comes and says 'I think he needs a nappy change'. Ok, don't even get me started...

Thanks for listening.

Natalie, x

[Jolene]

((((Natalie!!))))

[nomore]

Natalie-

I just wanted to let you know its NOT just you at all Im in the same boat with 2 kids and feeling like my life is falling apart.

Katie is a SUPER collicky baby, with MANY allergies and reflux which we cant seem to get a handle on. Weve been to the DRs SO many times in the last 10 weeks, they ALL know me by name, sight, voice, etc. And, Katies been in and out of ther ER a few times, and we had to have an upper gastric series on her, as her DR thought she might have an anomolie in her belly, intestines, etc. She didnt... but I wont even begin to tell you HOW much this child screams, and its heart breaking, becuase I can tell you I KNOW the difference between the Mommy hold me scream and Im in PAIN scream.

Not to mention, Madison gets practically NO attention from me, and is suffering for it, she is also about 8 months older than Bethy and NOT potty trained.....

And, Rich is not dealing well with Katie at all.... he cant tolerate the screaming, and it leaves me dealing with her 99% of the time. (By the way, this has been a VERY sore spot for me..... and the source of a few VERY not nice arguements lately).

So, my house is a mess..... Im beyond sleep deprived, I cant get anything done, and most days, I want to just cry and run away...... but everyone says it will get better. Im HOPING they are right. Collic should end by 16 weeks... of course, since she was premature, we get to add a possible 5 to 6 more weeks on top of that.

She is 12 weeks today.

Hang in there.... Im crying right along with you..... ((((((((((((NATALIE))))))))))))


Robin

[BrandiJK]

Oh my goodness, Natalie, you sound like me! Last night, I was cooking dinner, holding/dancing with/singing too/and back pounding a fussy Hailey...trying to get those darned bubbles out of her, while re-playing the same stupid shrek movie short Brigit had been screaming for all day, and battling with Sage over the phone while her friend up the street keeps knocking at the door every 10 minutes.
Dh comes home, says it smells great, flops down on the couch and says that his arms hurt so much he can barely hold them up (he's doing a maual labor job on the side at the moment).
Which pretty much closes the short opening I had to say "could you take Hailey?" And the charlie horse I have gained from the constant trying to burp her is minimalized even more.
Sheesh.


Sorry to complain right along with you instead of offering advise.

[meg]

(((Natalie))),

I think that almost anyone with more than one child can relate. It is so hard to balance the needs of your children, your house, your husband, not to mention yourself.

Marie said:

[i]I found that with time (and Lexapro) a semi-routine was established[/i]

Hey, that was my line!

Seriously, though, here are some things that I have learned. Some of them sound trite, but they are true and if you can take a deep breath, stand back for a moment and view all that is going on dispassionately for a moment, it is often much easier to jump back in and do what needs doing and ignore the rest.

1) Love my children. Everyday when the house is crumbling around you and Bethy is demanding something of you and Theo is screaming... look around you and think to yourself, "I love these children ridiculously deeply." Nothing will change, but your understanding of why you would tolerate such disarray and stress.

2) Accomplish one thing everyday. Every morning decide on one thing you will succeed in finishing no matter what. Maybe it is washing diapers. Maybe it is taking a walk with the kids. Maybe it is eating a meal sitting down at the table. Whatever it is, do and it and then congratulate yourself for your accomplishment.

3) Make time for you. I have a friend who used to close herself up in her closest for 15 minutes everyday with the cordless phone and chat with a friend. She would put the baby in the crib and her other little one in the high chair with a snack in front of the TV and then enjoy 15 minutes of blissful selfishness. The point is, that you need to have time for you. A happy mommy is the best gift you can give your kids.

4) Admit that your perfectionism is a problem, not an asset. This is the hardest for me and I'm still working on it. When I get the urge to wash all the curtains before a family party or when the clean laundry sits in baskets waiting for me to have a moment to put it away, because DH always puts it in the wrong drawers, or when I am up until 1:00am ironing because the world will end if Anabel's polyester wash and wear uniform does not have perfect pleats, etc. I mentally shake myself and demand to know how I am helping myself, my kids, my family. The answer is always the same... I'M NOT!!!!!!!! So, I'm trying to let it go. Instead of congratulating myself for my alphabetized spice cabinet, I'm feeling proud of letting the kids make their own beds with out fixing them after they leave the house. It's a process, but well worth it for the whole family.

I know that I have rambled on and on... so I hope that this was helpful. Sorry if I was too "preachy."

All the best,

[Beccy]

Hi Natalie

Just a note to say "hang in there". I know it's not much good to you but I can really empathise with your situation. Don't beat yourself up about the giving theo a bottle. I have had to start imogen on a bottle to supplement her feeds because my milk just wasn't doing the job. I really didn't want to do this as I love feeding her and BF has so many benefits for them but it gets in a vicious circle of demanding milk - milk not good enough -demanding more feeds so milk is less and bad quality so they want to feed more and it goes on.....
I must say I have found the nights are a little easier now I've started the bottle and she is more of a happier girl because her tummy is full and she's not screaming as much (which she was doing alot) and I still get to feed her eevery other feed. I just thought I'd let you know because it may help you settle theo down into a routine whcih in turn would give your time and space be with beth and do a few jobs and possible have some time to yourself??!!!

I'm not near Bristol - I wish us UK HGers were a little bit closer then we could help each other out!! But feel free to PM or e-mail if you feel the need to chat - our babies are of similar age so I'm in the same boat as you.

Take Care

Beccy x x x
mum to 4 beautiful daughters

[carla]

*(((((Natalie, and ladies)))))

I wish I could just give you all a big hug. I am sorry I am not much for giving advice on this topic, due to my lack of experience, but regardless, I feel for you! I hope for happier days for each of you!