How do you deal w/ fluffy bunnies in your life?

[BrandiJK]

It's hard enough when people look at me, TO MY FACE, and say that they remember their pregnancies fondly and isn't it just a miracle.
However, I have 2 fluffies in my life. One only 6 days behind me, the other a few months. One has some high bp problems...but other wise both are prety fluffy.
And both are very close friends, who are or try very hard to be, supportive of my HG.
However, some days I am so jealous I just cry and cry and want nothing to do with either. Which just isn't possible. I want so badly to be happy for them, and some times can actually almost feel it. But most of the time, it just breaks my heart because I am selfish and want a happy pregnancy.

If you have been in this spot, how did you deal w/ it? I reconize it is my own issues I am dealing with, and don't want to put it on them. It just doesn't seem to be going away. And the one very close to me in timing is feeling all the same baby movements as me, and she gets to enjoy it all.
It hurts.

[mandy]

Hi Brandi,

Well, I didn't deal with fluffies very well at all. I was bitter, frustrated, depressed with both pregnancies. I would smile and nod when fluffies visited and then sob and cry to my dh when they left.

Don't feel bad that you're not tripping over yourself with joy for their lovely pregnancies. Even non-pregnant now, I still bite my tongue when seeing my pregnant, blooming friends. I envy their subsequent pregnancies now and am jealous that I am not doing the same. They are unbelievably lucky and they can't ever appreciate it the way we would if our second/third etc pregnancies were perfect. Just be honest to yourself and to them. If they are true friends they will accept how hard this is for you. Most importantly be proud of yourself, hg babies are so, so precious and have parents who are willing to go through so much cr*p to get them here. You never forget that after going through hg.

Hugs to you, Mandy xxx

[BrandiJK]

Mandy, that was just exactly what I needed to read. Thank you.

[IslandDreamer]

(((Brandi))))

So sorry you're dealing with fluffies.

Love,
Suzanne

[ann]

I have fluffy-phobia! I find myself avoiding fluffies--even former-fluffies who I know have zero understanding of HG! Its probably not the best way to deal with interpersonal relationships right now, but so what--I'm just trying to live another day...

I talk to people who I know are empathetic, understanding and helpful. And I've been surprised at who has fallen into that category (and who doesn't). Ironically, its more often men than women. My next-door neighbors are a gay couple who work as flight attendants. One brings me air-sick bags when he returns from trips (BTW, if you can get air-sick bags, they are awesome!), and lends me light, funny books to help me laugh.

The people I avoid: my sister-in-law who is a 5-time fluffy and can't understand how pg can be anything less than exhilarating; people who won't even take an aspirin, let alone prescription meds; my MIL who thinks any discomfort is all in one's head (needless to say, she has never been seriously ill); and many other former-fluffies who have no point of reference with morning sickness, much less HG (I've been crackered too many times).

Yes, I'm probably damaging existing relationships by this avoidance behavior, but I'm also forging new ones that might not have otherwise developed. Yet another crazy side-effect of HG!

Brandi, I know you can't just ignore your close friends--who would want to? But, if you find that its too stressful to have contact with them at this time, then there is nothing wrong with "taking a break" and staying under the radar for just a little while. You need to take care of yourself first, and if being away from certain people--or making contact with others--will alleviate some stress, by all means do it! You don't even need to give any explanation, either. Good friends will understand if you just need some "alone time" while you're trying to get through this. They will be there for you when you need them in other ways. Good luck,

[BrandiJK]

A lot of my friends are people who feel herbs and meditation can cure anything and everything, and that the power of the mind is stronger then any force on earth. Medications, treatments, doctors, medical science...all pretty bad news.
I have never truly felt that way. I feel using 'natural' remedys is a good way if possible, and meditation can do a great deal. But I watched medical science save my mothers life far too many times to disregard it. My decision to begin medications did not go over well. Needless to say, I could care less. I was looking out for myself and my child. And so, with my ups and downs and problems, they all just sort of stopped paying attention. On our board we have updates for each preggo lady. No one responds to mine, much less reads them. I am like the big elephant (not yet big, but I assume I'll gain weight eventually) in the room that no one mentions. I feel like no one believes me. And they are sick of my carrying on and on. Then, to see all the joyous conversation going on around other pregnancies, it was like a hammer in the heart.

I have decided to stop going to that portion of the board, and to not converse with any one else outside my own circle for a while. At least, not about my pregnancy. And I am not going to do any more updates. My pregnancy is hard, and that is just that. But also, my updates are about Hailey. As sick as we all are on the this board, news about our children are always welcome. Not so in a place I looked at as filled with my spiritual family and community.

I am rambeling. Anyway, thanks. I am just so glad I have this board.

[ann]

You can "ramble" and talk to us anytime, Brandi! We WANT to hear about your toughest hours and darkest days...we've been there, too.

Ever notice how the many different people in your life fill different roles and needs? Some friends are extremely empathetic and will listen to all your problems. Other folks are just plain uncomfortable in that role. Nonetheless, everyone seems to "fit" into your life in different ways and at different times. Your friends who are strong believers in herbs and meditation can be so valuable--and so can others who support your decision to utilize prescription meds. I used to think that the human body and "nature" could heal itself, and I was very wary of prescription drugs--until I became pregnant! I suffered through my first pg with NOTHING beyond crackers (ha!), anti-nausea wristbands (ha, ha!), teas and prayer. This time around, as much as I complain about my drs, I know that the prescription meds have helped more than anything. You know what is best for your body (and baby) to survive this ordeal. Trust your instincts, and talk to us anytime!

Sending you electronic hugs (((((((((((((Brandi))))))))))))))))))))))
Like all HG women, you are super-strong, stronger than you know, and that strength--and the wisdom born out of the HG experience--will get you through this.

[BrandiJK]

Once again, thank you! I really mean it, thank you!