Sick of this

[BrandiJK]

I am wondering if this is a stage of all this, because I am getting (quicker every day) to where you were when you posted this. And, if my math is correct, I am about as far along as you were when you first posted.

I hate this! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! My little perky positive attitude is getting harder and harder to grasp on to, even to fake. I just want to run from the world. It's not that I feel as sick as I had been. I am still more functional then I was, and getting stuff done. I actually feel like I am nesting, which is scary. But I am sure it is just months worth on clutter making me nuts. But I have to keep stopping to rest. I am exhasuted all the time, I feel like if I could I'd sleep 20 hours day if possible. I hate waking up and feeling the nausea. It is deal-able, but I am just so freaking sick of it. I feel like I shouldn't be feeling this frusteration, because there is some improvement. I've even gained a bit of weight. A whopping 4 pounds in total, but still something. But every day it just gets harder and harder to face how much longer I have to deal w/ this. And I am G-R-U-M-P-Y!!! I feel like I am at a constant verge of snapping and have less and less patience. It's all fake any more, all just controlled attitude around my family...keeping busy because my mind spins in these angry swirls I almost can't control. And i just ate something, and I can feel it is not digesting. I know those 2 bites of food are going to sit in there and ruin my entire day even more.

<sigh> I am trying to cope. Maybe I just need to vent. Is this normal around this stage of pg? I can't remember. Is it just that excitment of getting past the 1/2 point dwindles when we realize just how much longer we have to keep it up?

[AmberWest]

Oh Brandi I'm so sorry you're hitting that zone where it's just impossible to anything other than miserable. This may well be a phase of it all that comes at the mid point. I'm not sure. I know that when I re-read my original post, which apparently was almost 2 months ago or something I have to say I don't feel a bit different now than I did then but to say I'm probably even more sick of it. I hate nights when my mood spirals downhill in a remarkable fashion. I do remind myself that it's now one less day to ever have to deal with this muck, but even that isn't helping much anymore. I used to get a thrill seeing my ticker picture move up one, now when it happens all I can think is.... great, (sarcastic) another month and some before it moves again. I so understand your inability to be perky anymore. I think the longer it goes on the less we can keep up that front to any degree. I mean a person only has a limited supply of patience or endureance and come the middle to end of pregnancy I think many of us use up that supply. Honestly it's amazing I don't have a bail money jar in the house yet for the time I just snap on someone.

When I started this thread I had apparently 19 weeks to go and it seemed like forever. Sadly, I can't say that the 11 weeks and 6 days I have left now seems any shorter. It doesn't. Time just fricking stops! Even when it's passing, it doesn't seem to be because every day may as well be a month in its own right. 20 weeks left, 10 weeks left, 5 weeks left... pft, what difference does it make when each darn day seems to last forever? I'm with you on the frustration front to this day. About all I can say for it is that the fact we're still here shows how strong we are. I mean, if we weren't we'd have jumped off a bridge or killed someone else by now. So vent all you need to do to keep it from building into an explosion of monumental proportions. I think at this point that's about the best we can do.

`hugs`
Amber

[AmberWest]

For anyone who may have seen it I posted a rant last night yet now it has been deleted. The rant was much like any other, but after reading the grief forum, and spending a good 30 minutes in tears I've decided to shut up and just pray this little one is safe and born healthy.

[BrandiJK]

(((((((((((((((((Amber)))))))))))))))) I did not see the rant, but love to you anyway. It's hard to be sick, and still have gratitude.

[Carcully]

((Amber)),

I did read your post early this morning, but had to go to a NST and appointment with my doctor before I had time to respond.

I understand your reasons for deleting...point well taken when you read the grief forum, I know we have a lot to be thankful for.

However, as many others have stated before, everyones posts and concerns are just as important as the other, and yours has every right to be here. If I were thinking at all clearly lately, I could have written the same sentiments in your post myself. I haven't felt well enough to post much as of late, and have basically been having a 'pity party' for myself. I share your feelings of being 'SICK OF THIS'...I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't be, given the same circumstances, day after day. And as you pointed out, it's not JUST HG!! So many of us deal with so much more...as if the HG isn't bad enough. You are right...it's not quite the same level of misery we endured in the 1st trimester. However, with all the other lovely attributes piled on from the 3rd trimester, plus...your numbness problems and just feeling lousy in general, it's almost just too much to bear at times.

I know I was being partly humerous when I made the comment a while back about waking up and pretending, 'this is not my life'...but unfortunately, I do feel that way much of the time lately. And I have lived through HG once before, and have come through the other side with a beautiful baby boy, who is still the apple of my eye. My husband has to continually remind me that the HG DID go away instantaneously last time, and I was happy ever since. (well....until I became pregnant this time!) The sleep deprivation, and other trials and tribulations of motherhood didn't even phase me.., I was so taken with my son, and so happy to feel well again, I never looked back. I am so hopeful that it will be a repeat of last time in that regard...and I so hope that it will be that way for you once you have your little guy. I have a feeling it will!!! But...you are totally normal for wondering how on earth you'll ever bond with this little critter who has been making Mommy so miserable, conscious or not. Like I said, I've been through it before, look at my 4-year old with so much love, but yet still wonder how I'll do bonding with baby #2 after so many months of misery while carrying his little feisty self around! We just have to have faith that it WILL happen. I would never have been willing to endure this one more time if I didn't love my 4-year old so much...I couldn't imagine my life without him. Just the other day, I was sitting here crying...and he came into the room, and asked what was wrong. My husband and I both assured him that Mommy was just tired, and that I was fine, to which he responded, "No you're not, Mommy...I see your sad face."...and climbed up, and put his arms around my neck and sat with me in the chair for the next 20 minutes. I feel so guilty that he has had to endure all this with me for the last 7 months, but hopefully it will be a distant memory for him after he gets the brother that he wanted so much. Like I said...I would have never signed on for all this for a 2nd time had he not been so worth it.

Sorry this turned into a novel...I just read your post this morning, and felt awful that you are feeling so darn rotten...and I totally concur with you on all of it. I know our 'gifts' will be arriving soon...it just sucks in the interim!!

Hang in there...and know that none of us judges you for venting. I think most of us share your sentiments exactly!!!

Hugs to you....

[AmberWest]

Brandi & Bethany,

Thank you for your understanding. I know you are both right in the aspect that no matter how much we want these babies it's hard to be upbeat about sometimes. I guess after reading the grief forum and seeing those heart wrenching recent posts, especially the ones re: years of fertility treatment, only to end in having to watch your baby die, or, and this was the real kicker that had me crying most of the afternoon, carrying to 38 weeks only to have the cord knot and lose your child.... There just aren't words to express such devestation and it kicked me in the arse pretty badly. When one woman said, I'd trade a lifetime of HG just to have my daughter alive and healthy, I guess that put it in persepctive, because I know I would feel those same emotions. Heck, I thought the same after reading about her baby and was thrust into the, lets make a deal with the gods zone. I can't lie and say I love this pg, or that I don't want it over and my life back. I do know though that I sure as heck don't want something to happen to this child, bonded overly well with him or not.

Bethany,

I'm so very sorry that you are suffering so much right now as well. `hugs` I don't blame you either for being in the pity party. You've got a month longer of this under your belt and have been through so darn much this whole pg. If I'm fed up, I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be for you at this point. Perhaps you'll be one of the lucky ones and will have your new little man home FOR Christmas and not be hanging your stockings off the IV pole in the pital. I think that, on top of a healthy safe born child would probably be the best gift you could have for the holiday.

I understand about the tears of late too. I've been back to crying more than I did for a little while there anyway. And it's so sweet and charming that your little boy wants so much to comfort you. They are very wise these tiny tots that we see as only babies still. They know well and good when Mommy is not feeling good. Do let it comfort you though that he's still very young and the likelyhood of his remembering your illness for very long is minimal. I mean, I don't remember a heck of alot from when I was four. He will no doubt love his little brother to pieces though when he arrives and that will soothe some of the truamas for all I hope.

I suppose you are right about the HG going away at some point in life. I've been pg before and it went very quickly when the pg had ended, almost within hours in some cases, a few days tops in others. I guess I just get leary about it this time because its hard to imagine this much damage fading overly quickly. Not to mention rebuilding up strength lost over nearly a years time. Still and all, I'm sure you are correct and it will go and I have to agree, women wouldn't put themselves through this hell twice and more if they didn't find amazing rewards at the end of this dark tunnel. I guess I just need to be reminded of that say on an hourly basis. Perhaps when it's your first, and I feel like a lone voice crying in the wilderness on that one right now because it seems everyone has prior children, well I guess it's just really hard to understand that it does get better, and that it is worth it in the end.

By the way, I hope your dr. appt. went okay and I'm going to wander over to the 3rd tri board to see if you posted about it. Hang in there too. While I know the month you have left, (though hopefully it'll only be a few more weeks, not a month) seems like forever, you really are doing a great job and I can't wait to hear about your little ones safe arrival.

`hugs`
Amber

[BrandiJK]

I feel so guilty that he has had to endure all this with me for the last 7 months, but hopefully it will be a distant memory for him after he gets the brother that he wanted so much.

Sage, my oldest, was 5 when I became pg with Brigit. She was mild HG, but I was still very sick, tired, and poked with IV's on a regular basis during the thick of it. I got pg again when she was 7, and when I started to talk to her and prep her for it again, I asked if she remembered what happened with mommy while pg with her siser. I was shocked to hear her say only thta she remembered I was tired and needed to rest more.. She did not remember hwo sick I was.
I have watched her this pg, which is by far worse, and you know what? I don't know how much of this one she'll remember either. I am sure, as she is older, she'll remember mom puking and trips to get iv's (mostly because someone fun always came to play on those days) but she's already let go of the worst of it. She's just more patient with me, and I don't know if she even really gets why.
So I would take the love your big hearted boy is giving you and treasure it always in your heart, and let go of the guilt around it.

[Carcully]

Amber and Brandi,

A huge thanks to both of you ladies for your replies. As Amber so appropriately put it, I have gone into 'lurk mode' the past couple of weeks myself. I know a number of the gals on here have said that the closer to the end you get, the slower the time sometimes seems to pass. This has been true for me these past couple of weeks, and I didn't want to be a big crab-apple in my posts, so have just stayed to myself. I am starting to regain my momentum, knowing that it will be no longer than 10 days until 'the big day', as my doc is still planning on inducing at 39 weeks if Mr. Cullen decides not to come out on his own. So...depending on how things go, I just may be hanging the stockings from my IV pole And hopefully, you're both right that this will be a distant memory for Carson when he sees his baby brother.

Amber, I'm sorry to read that you are still suffering so...and now with this neuropathy on top of everything else. Ugh!! Hopefully all will be resolved upon delivery of your little guy. I know what you're saying about it being hard to imagine that all these months of many miseries can just vanish upon delivery (or soon thereafter). I'm sure that Brandi, who has experienced it even one more time than me will attest that it seems inconceivable that we will EVER feel normal when we are stuck in the middle of this whole thing. My DH has to remind me on a daily basis that I'll someday feel normal again. Logically, I know this...but you imagine in your darkest hours..,,"What if I'm the one woman in the world who will remain pregnant with HG FOREVER?!" Yikes. And let's face it...after we've endured this for so many months, it really does start feeling like forever.

Anyway...I wanted to write back to both of you. With all of the losses on this board in recent days...paired with my resemblence to the Christmas Grinch (both in appearance and attitude!), I just haven't felt up to posting in a while. But...I'm starting to rally a bit now for the final days. I'll post a little update in the 3rd tri boards later (sitting up to do a post is just exhausting these days, you know!). Actually, Helen really motivated me this morning with her post of Thomas Bailey in his fluffy bunny outfit. He resembles our 1st son a great deal, and seeing Thomas' picture made my day. That stage comes and goes so quickly, it was just the reminder I needed to take me through the next week. And just think...both of you ladies are very soon to follow in your deliveries!!!!! Soon, these dark days will be done for all of us.

[AmberWest]

(((((((Bethany))))))))

You know, I was thinking about what you said. About how the closer the end gets the slower time goes.... I have a feeling I'll feel the same way. It's like when there's months left, you hit survival mode because you know it's still forever. When it's a few weeks left, you're still in survival mode because while it's only a few weeks, it's still forever. When you're at the days to go mark time must just stop totally because even though it's closer, it's STILL not here yet. I'm happy you at least have a date to go by. That's wonderful in the respect that at least you can reassure yourself that it will end at such and such a time. `Big hugs`

I understand your 'lurking' as well. It's hard to be supportive when you're hitting the bottom of your reserves just to exist.

I'm personally having a very scary time right now which was a shocking wake up call. It's like we know for fact we are in the struggle for our lives, every day takes a year to pass etc. But we make it through the day and try to prepair for the next day to come.

For me right now I'm in a very dark place. Last night we one of our beloved little fur babies died and the loss sent me into a tail spin of frightening proportions. It's not like I haven't lost a pet before, and mourned the loss deeply. But I guess I had deluded myself into thinking I was managing my illness and mental weakness better than in fact I was. At this point I think I was not only still very much in survival mode, but I hadn't realised that I was scraping the bottom of my reserves to keep myself somewhat together. All I've kept wondering all day is... shit, what do you do when survival mode isn't enough to keep you from spinning off into space? The stress and pain of the loss has sent me into a place that actually has me scared. I mean really scared. I don't feel 'right' in body or mind at all anymore. I feel totally off balance and don't know where to find anything in me to help me back onto my feet again. I've thrown myself into puking relapse in a huge way, I'm weak, feel feverish and just well, wrong inside somehow. It's quite frigthening. I know I don't have that much longer to go, all I can say is I pray time starts to move again, because I'm having huge fears of anything remotely bad happening sending me over some unidentifiable ege that I won't return from. I do believe I will be joining the 'no more for me' club after this pg. If pg is 'this' hard I know I won't be able to do it again under any circumstances.

Sorry to be such a downer. I suppose this is why I'm lurking too. I honestly don't think I have anything to give anymore. I will be looking forward to hearing about the birth of your little one though. It's comforting to see at least someone released from this hell.

`big hugs`
Amber

[nomore]

((((((((((((((AMBER)))))))))))))))))

Im so sorry you lost one of your fur babies. If you are at a place where you feel you cannot pull yourself up at all, you need to talk to your DR. I havent posted on this thread, prevoius, but I will echo what otehrs have said. I was VERY depressed during my 1st pregnancy. Not only did I have severe HG, but I had never been depressed like that before. I dont talk about it much, as it still hurts to remember much of my pregnancy with Madison. I seem to deal best with it by saying at least I never have to be back in that same spot again in my life.

I wont delude you into thinking Im happy right now. I know most of my posts sound reasonably not miserable, but I had such LOW expectations on this pregnancy. I knew I would be sick the entire time, I knew I would be depressed, I knew I would feel like Im stuck in hell, but yet I CHOSE to do it again. And, Im able to personally keep going, as I know Madison needs me (I dont have the same luxury of being able to fall apart when I didnt have a super senstive almost 3 year old around). I also draw a great deal of stregnth from my angel baby. I thought HG was the worst hurt in the world until we had our theraputic termination last fall. I draw strength from that angel baby telling me I CAN do this. Do I want to fall apart... honeslty yes a lot of the time I do. But, I dont. And, I know it gets SO old, but I still only focus on getting through each day when I wake up. I rarely allow myself to think about "weeks" and days left. I personally think most tickers are a BAD thing.... they only remind you of how much time in HELL you have left.

After Madison was born I spent EVERYDAY, and I'm not exagerating, EVERY day for at least a year waking up and thanking god I felt good. Even now, when Im at my HG "best", which by the way still SUCKS A$$, I feel miserable most of the time. You learn how to "function" at such a sub-par level is actually pathetic. A normal person wouldnt even be able to get out of bed, but, somehow I manage to take care of a almost 3 year old all day.

Anyways, Im just rambling now. If you feel like you are beyond the bottom of the barrell, you NEED to ask your DR for help. There is no shame in that. Being deblitatlingly sick for almost 8 to 9 months now, its VERY understandable why you feel like you cant deal anymore.

(((((((((((((((((AMBER))))))))))))))))))))))))

Robin

[BrandiJK]

((((((((((((Amber)))))))))))))

First off, I am so sorry about the loss of your fur lovie. I do understand. We become part of each others packs, us and our critters, and loosing them is hard. With that, and everything else you have gone through, plus all the losses here the past few weeks....it is just too much.

You have been drug though the ground love. I, personally, think you are a tremdous piller of strength, with all you have gone through thus far. Asking for help, really, is only yet another example of that strength. I know you have plans to start back on your original meds after delivery, but maybe it's time to open the option to a new drug that can be used now. I agree, I think you should talk to your doc.

I am hoping your Dp can get some additional time off, as I think that would help you tremdously.

Please don't be 'sorry to be a downer', because this is why this forum is here! So we can help each other! Otherwise...this site would be a bunch of moody, sick, depressed, ill, and F-ed up women pretending to be happy go lucky fluffies. Ya know?

One more hug ((((((((((((((Amber))))))))))))) Sending you lots of love, and special prayers.

[AmberWest]

Oh, I'm not against asking for help beieve me. The issue really is that my body can not handle the new class of drugs and the ones I can take I can't take while pg. I went through 3 years of the drs trying everything under the sun, before we found this out. I ended up with serious reactions to all meds they tried and can't risk that trial and error while pg.

By the same token, I did call the dr and let them know what's happening. They are letting me talk with a therapist before my next appt. I don't see that helping a great deal. But as we all know just being able to vent sometimes is a huge relief.

Also, my Mum sent me my Yule care package and I got it late yesterday. She told me to open a couple things which turned out to be my new Wiccan datebook and a book of women's mysteries by Zsuzsanna Budapest. Reading these are probably helping me more than anything else will right now because they focus on the wheel of life and how everything in it has its season. These thoughts and philosophies are helping me find some reserves I didn't know I had left in there. I suppose it comes down to the fact when you are battling so hard just to survive it's hard to keep balanced in anyway. And in my personal faith balance is key. There are no teachings of shame, hate, fear or prejudice of any person, experience or thing. I needed to be reminded that every creature, time and experience does indeed have it's season which ripenes, blooms and in its turn dies returning to the source as we all do. Without these things we would stagnante and never progress or learn to take our place in the web of life. I needed that reminder more than anything and it's helped a great deal. I can't say I'm feeling top of the world right now. I'm not. But at least I don't feel like I'm spining out of control anymore either.

Thankyou Robin and Brandi for your loving thoughts and support. It means a great deal to me.

[BrandiJK]

I think talking to someone will be a HUGE help.

What a great gift from mom! I am going to have to get down there and shake her hand one of these days LOL
The Holy Book of Womens Mysteries was, quite litterally, one of the first books I read. A bit more Dianic then I am used to, but still a book I loved. I think I still have my copy floating around out there on the shelf!

I am glad you are enjoying your presents, and they are helping you. Pass along a hug to your mum from me!

I agree, reconnecting is a huge help. I swear, I don't know what I would do with out my group, keeping me on that path and that reminder fresh in my mind and heart.

Still sending love

EDIT:

I decided to come back and add to this. I don't normally talk much about my faith here, because...I don't know why. I guess because I am used to keeping quiet about it. But I read enough faith based stuff on here, that I am assuming it would be ok if talking to someone else whom it may help.
LOL Self conscious warning out I guess, the rest is just for you Amber.

Speaking from my own experiance...you know how serious I am about my faith, about my devotion to the Goddess. I have sat in my Temple time and time and time again, crying, raging, thanking, all the varing emotions we move through. I have prayed for strength on a daily basis, I ask for support every morning in my dovotions, and thank Her for making it through another day every night.
And yet, every Moon, I have the same revelation. She birthed the world. She knows every aspect of everything, and more then that, She knows and understands the suffering of motherhood...from pregnancy through birth and life and death. I do not believe She was a fluffy, else where did Gaia get her harder side from? How did the darker aspects get here is she was a fluffy, ya know? Even Isis suffered to bring her son into the world (you know that connection). Every moon, it dawns on me anew that I can hand this over, and cry on her shoulder and feel her strength around me. Sure, I have a moment or two of guilt, after all, She suffered to birth the world...and here I can barely make it through one pregnancy. But it is very brief, before she reminds me, yet again, that she is my mother too, and a mothers love is forever more.

I don't know if this helps you or not. But it has given me tremdous strength and courage in moments I did not know I could summon it up.

[nomore]

Amber-

Im so glad you got to open a few gifts early from your Mom. Sometimes Moms have just the right "medicine" for our souls. Enjoy her gifts greatly.

I wasnt aware that you had so many reactions to these types of meds I agree that talking to a therapist might help. I talked to one durig my 2nd pregnancy. You know you are a sad person when you make your therapist cry she feels so bad for you Yeah, seroiusly she was crying. But- it helped to at least talk to someone else about the choices we were making, the pain I was in, the hurt and anger I felt. Sometimes talking to someone else sho will listen just helps you get it out of your head, so you can stop thinking about it for a while... if that makes any sense.

While we all have our different beleifs in our faiths, if you can draw strength from that, take all you can. I draw great stregnth from my faith right now, and yet I havent been to church in months. And, yet just a year ago I almost walked away from my beliefs.... and today I am probably the most spirtual I have ever been.

You know, I havent said it to you, Amber, but so very many of your posts truly remind me of when I was prego with Madison. Its been very hard for me to know you are feeling the same pain I felt then.... mostly because I want to take it all away for you. Its not something I would ever want anyone else to have to feel. But, I can tell you, as repetitive as this sounds, you WILL get through this. You WILL someday think it was worth it, and you WILL be so glad you suffered for your child. I dont know if its an option, but I will say sometimes the non-tradtional things can help with anxiety and depression. I FULLY attribute my anxiety control (related to being sick) with the NAET treatments I had in the 1st trimester. I think Chinese Medicine (accuputure and such) can help with depression as well, although Im not super educated on that. Just throwing whatever ideas I can out there in case they may help.

(((((((((((((((((((((((AMBER)))))))))))))))))))))

Robin

[Carcully]

((((Amber)))),

I just caught your post, and I feel awful . I'm so sad to hear that you've lost one of your fur babies in the midst of all the rest of what you're already dealing with. Was that totally out of the blue, or had your baby been sick? We lost our kitty of 10 years earlier this year, and it was heartbreaking. I remember your post with all the photos of your babies, and they were all so adorable. I especially remember your russian blue kitty, because we had one very much similar, and I still miss him. Big hugs to you.

Don't apologize for one minute for being a 'downer'. We certainly don't ask to be in these dark places, and once there, it seems impossible to find the key to escape!! You know, I still can't visit the 1st or 2nd trimester folders...it hasn't been long enough to have forgotten the misery suffered during those days...I hope that someday, after pregnancy, I'll be able to offer some words of help to the gals there. Until then, it's just one day at a time until pregnancy passes.

I agree with the other ladies...talk to your doc sooner than later. Perhaps there is something they can try that you'll be able to tolerate...even if it is just going in to talk with someone. Sometimes, that can be very freeing. Continue to do whatever you need to to eek your way through this pregnancy. Try not to worry about getting to the point of no return...I believe you'll be able to. It might not happen until you are through with the pregnancy, but I feel strongly that it WILL happen. I am so anxious to hear how you feel once Little Fred is here, and your body gets some relief. Robin's post really hit home for me as well...I, too was very depressed during my pregnancy with Carson, and I was very much ready to go off the deep end earlier in this pregnancy. I think the Prednisone was a big part of it this time, but who knows. All I know is that I haven't ever felt THAT out of control before, and it was a very scary place. I think it will always be hard to think about that time. Robin said it well...at least we don't have to return to THAT particular place in our lives again.

As to whether or not you join the 'no more for me' club...that's something you'll better be able to answer once Little Fred is here, and you've had ample time to see how things fall into place. No sense in trying to settle on it now. I guess the answer is different for all of us. I am an only child, as my mother had some health problems at the time, and was content with just one. I come from a very large Italian family, and am the only 'only' child on either side. My parents got so many comments over the years about how 'horrible' it was so stop with one, and how could they think of doing that (people can be so stupid!). My mom said she never regretted their decision. She felt it was better to be in good health for the child she had already brought here than to risk doing it again (for a whole host of reasons). You may feel that Fred is all you've ever wanted, and that your body is done with pregnancy...or you may change your mind. Either way....don't try to figure it out now...allow yourself ample time to heal, and enjoy Little Fred...I think you have more joy coming your way with your little boy that you can ever imagine possible!! You'll be the apple of his eye, just wait and see!

Sounds like the gifts from your mum came at just the right time! I'm haven't read the book you spoke of, but I just may...sound very interesting. Sometimes mom's are just the best at knowing what is needed!!

Just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you, and that nothing you're going through or thinking is out of the ordinary for those of us who have been on similar roads...I think Robin and Brandi have attested well to that. Maybe it will help to know that there at least 3 of us who know a little of what it is that you're feeling, and if nothing else are thinking of you, and cheering you on until the end. I know you ladies have certainly helped me do the same!

Big hugs, Amber. Let us know how things are going when you're up to doing so.