((((Amber)))),
I just caught your post, and I feel awful
. I'm so sad to hear that you've lost one of your fur babies in the midst of all the rest of what you're already dealing with. Was that totally out of the blue, or had your baby been sick? We lost our kitty of 10 years earlier this year, and it was heartbreaking. I remember your post with all the photos of your babies, and they were all so adorable. I especially remember your russian blue kitty, because we had one very much similar, and I still miss him. Big hugs to you.
Don't apologize for one minute for being a 'downer'. We certainly don't ask to be in these dark places, and once there, it seems impossible to find the key to escape!! You know, I still can't visit the 1st or 2nd trimester folders...it hasn't been long enough to have forgotten the misery suffered during those days...I hope that someday, after pregnancy, I'll be able to offer some words of help to the gals there. Until then, it's just one day at a time until pregnancy passes.
I agree with the other ladies...talk to your doc sooner than later. Perhaps there is something they can try that you'll be able to tolerate...even if it is just going in to talk with someone. Sometimes, that can be very freeing. Continue to do whatever you need to to eek your way through this pregnancy. Try not to worry about getting to the point of no return...I believe you'll be able to. It might not happen until you are through with the pregnancy, but I feel strongly that it WILL happen. I am so anxious to hear how you feel once Little Fred is here, and your body gets some relief. Robin's post really hit home for me as well...I, too was very depressed during my pregnancy with Carson, and I was very much ready to go off the deep end earlier in this pregnancy. I think the Prednisone was a big part of it this time, but who knows. All I know is that I haven't ever felt THAT out of control before, and it was a very scary place. I think it will always be hard to think about that time. Robin said it well...at least we don't have to return to THAT particular place in our lives again.
As to whether or not you join the 'no more for me' club...that's something you'll better be able to answer once Little Fred is here, and you've had ample time to see how things fall into place. No sense in trying to settle on it now. I guess the answer is different for all of us. I am an only child, as my mother had some health problems at the time, and was content with just one. I come from a very large Italian family, and am the only 'only' child on either side. My parents got so many comments over the years about how 'horrible' it was so stop with one, and how could they think of doing that (people can be so stupid!). My mom said she never regretted their decision. She felt it was better to be in good health for the child she had already brought here than to risk doing it again (for a whole host of reasons). You may feel that Fred is all you've ever wanted, and that your body is done with pregnancy...or you may change your mind. Either way....don't try to figure it out now...allow yourself ample time to heal, and enjoy Little Fred...I think you have more joy coming your way with your little boy that you can ever imagine possible!! You'll be the apple of his eye, just wait and see!
Sounds like the gifts from your mum came at just the right time! I'm haven't read the book you spoke of, but I just may...sound very interesting. Sometimes mom's are just the best at knowing what is needed!!
Just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you, and that nothing you're going through or thinking is out of the ordinary for those of us who have been on similar roads...I think Robin and Brandi have attested well to that. Maybe it will help to know that there at least 3 of us who know a little of what it is that you're feeling, and if nothing else are thinking of you, and cheering you on until the end. I know you ladies have certainly helped me do the same!
Big hugs, Amber. Let us know how things are going when you're up to doing so.