Work/Family-induced anxiety

Including Post Partum Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder & flashbacks.

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Work/Family-induced anxiety

Postby querida » Nov 16, 2004 4:56 pm

Well, it's week 33, and I've been feeling pretty fine for the last couple of months, at least as far as the HG goes. The problem, of course, is that I missed a month of work this summer because I was too weak and sick to even crawl out of bed to the toilet. My boss is still patting himself on the back for being so understanding, which at the time I thought he was. I mean, a month of sick leave PAID when my stupid doctors didn't even know enough to diagnose me properly and get me on the right meds, that's pretty darn understanding.

The problem is that now his whole perception of me as a worker has changed. I'm 100% back to my pre-HG workload and productivity, but I've been labeled as a "problem worker" because of the time I took off and the degree to which I had to rely on my co-workers to carry my load while I was sick. There have been vague accusations of me being "nonproductive," but no one can point to any area in which I'm failing to do my job, and do it well. I can't take ANY more time off for ANY reason whatsoever (my grandmother died this summer and my dad was suicidal immediately afterwards, and I nearly got fired because I went down to the funeral and asked to take a Monday off work while I was driving back). There have been other deaths in my family and just a lot of crazy issues arising, but I can't let any of it affect my work, and I certainly can't take any personal days to be a support to my family. The worst part is that my boss is insisting that I take paid maternity leave (I asked to be "allowed" to take unpaid leave, so they could hire a temporary replacement while I was gone), which means he gets to decide when I come back to work, AND I have to deal with being grateful to him for this additional "favor." I know this bullsh*t with my productivity is just going to get worse after 2, 4, or 6 weeks of maternity leave. He is constantly making these bad managerial decisions over my protests, and then calling me to the carpet when I fail to "justify" them (and who knows what exactly will "justify" them in his mind).

Anyway, it has gotten bad enough that my husband was insisting for a while that I quit my job and let him take 2 jobs to support the family until after the baby is born. My anxiety level is through the roof, which effects my appetite. So, even though the HG has abated, I'm still only 4 pounds or so above my pre-pregnancy weight. I've started seeing a psychologist to help with coping with all of this, and I'm trying to look for another job for after the baby is born.

I guess I just needed to vent a little among people I know will understand. This is an illness that has long-lasting, far-reaching effects, even when the feeding tubes and emesis basins are a distant memory.
querida
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Postby foxwoodfaerie » Nov 16, 2004 7:38 pm

Were you on short term disability during that month off? If so, they can't tell you not to take other days off after you come back because disability does not count against sick or personal days.
I am sorry you are going through this, I really hope you are able to find another job, nobody should have to work somewhere that they are not appreciated. Is there someone above this guy you could go to about this?
Good luck.
Ruth
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and....I'm DONE!!!!
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Postby Lacey » Nov 18, 2004 4:37 pm

excuse my mouth, i hope i don't offend anyone but
fuck him!

i had a similar experience but i left early on. my (female!) boss acted understanding, in a strained way, but kept pestering me "when will you be back?" and "why can't you do this?" and "oh, can you do this too?"

it is very stressful when you have to be in that environment repeatedly, no mater how much you know that this is not your fault. You just keep in mind that you are not a "problem" worker, you have a "problem" boss. it's not your fult that he can never understand hypermesis. I'm sorry he's such a jerk. and good luck.
"I will live by my own policies, I will sleep with a clear conscience, I will sleep in peace." -Sinead O'connor
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Postby Janehh » Nov 19, 2004 9:33 am

Just remember that legally, your boss doesn't have a leg to stand on. They can't punish you for taking disability--it's your right. I would think about looking for a different job too, but do whatever will minimize your stress right now--it is hard enough to be pg and sick and working; looking for a job on top of that might put you over the edge!! Take care of yourself,
Jane
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