my adopted cousin's experience

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my adopted cousin's experience

Postby Mom to Aidan & Daniel » Apr 19, 2006 8:09 am

i had a talk over easter with my adopted cousin. he had an awful time as a kid bec. of it, living in a homogenous norwegian farming community and being the only adopted child. he's 34 now, and very distant and angry. he can be rude and nasty, and he still lives with his parents in a separate little house on their property and alienates everyone around him. it's so sad to see. i told hom we're considering adopting, and boy did a lot of his pain come out. he said that we should consider it carefully, and that it's better not to bec. the kids have such a hard time with identity issues. i said that since the need is there the kids need homes, and by us not adopting it doesn't mean he or she won't be adopted. he seemed to assume that if we didn't adopt, a child would be spared being adopted. he realizes that this isn't how it works, but it came out that way from his pain. it was so sad. i told him that i look forward to his insight if and when we do adopt, and that since i grew up with major identity issues and in foster homes myself, i have a lot to offer a child. and since we can concieve but have chosen to adopt, the issue of being a stand-in for bio kids won't be there. my poor cousin, his parents didn't understand the ramifications and never got counseling or talked about things. it will be different for us. man did things go wrong for my cousin. very tragic to see him suffer. i have met other adoptees who seem to also struggle greatly, and i want to learn whatever i can to minimize the suffering for my future child. it was sobering to see how my cousin's experience has affected hom.

Mom to Aidan & Daniel
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Location: Norway (ex-pat)

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