Talked with Dh about future adoption...long

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Talked with Dh about future adoption...long

Postby krisalis » Mar 22, 2006 12:02 pm

My Dh and I sat down last night and talked about adopting down the line. He really wanted his own child so he was hesitant about it before. Now that I'm pregnant he is more than willing to discuss it. Of course it would be a few years off since we would want this baby to be the older sibling.

I have made it pretty clear that I won't go through this again. I'm not good at being pregnant and frankly, I just don't enjoy it all that much. My thinking is why go through this again when there are so many kids out there who need a home?

Ideally, I'd like to pull a kid out of the foster care system. I'd like to feel that I'm helping give a child a home and a real family who otherwise wouldn't have that. When I was growing up we had foster kids and all of them were great kids. It broke my heart when they were moved on to yet another home facing a life of strangers.

Anyway, my DH was quite pumped about the idea. Since my other 2 kids are so much older this baby is going to be like an only child and I'd like to be able to give him/her a little brother or sister. DH understands my feelings on helping kids and told me that if we had the kind of money it would take he'd be willing to open our home to as many kids as we could handle.He said if we won the lottery we could take in 23 like Dave Thomas.*L* He's a pretty awesome guy really. I suggested becoming foster parents but he said he really doesn't think he could stand parting with a child when the time came. I can't blame him there.

So, something for us to ponder once this baby is born and we are settled into our new life.

Kind of exciting really.

Kris
krisalis
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Postby Ivydragon » Mar 22, 2006 12:07 pm

Kris,

Something to keep in mind is adopting through the foster system. If you aren't set on an infant or very young child, there are children legally availalbe for adoption who just need a home.

I know that many foster homes really feel that they are providing a safe place for children while their families heal, and really feel good about the families being able to reunite at the end. You two could certainly become more educated about your options as the years go by. There are ways to adopt on any budget. It's exciting that your dh is ok with adoption, not all guys are.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby krisalis » Mar 22, 2006 12:40 pm

Hi Andy,

Adopting through the foster care system sounds ideal to me, but I'm not sure what DH wil think. He's worried about getting attached to a child and losing them. I'll have to do more research to find out all our options. Good thing I have a year's worth of Mat leave coming up !

Thanks for your input. I'll be watching to see how your journey goes. Best of Luck.
Kris
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Postby Ivydragon » Mar 22, 2006 3:56 pm

There are legally 3-4 categories of children in a state's foster system - well, that I know of. Each state is a bit different.

1 - Kids in shelter care (although some states just put kids straight into a foster placement). Kids in shelter are usually freshly removed from a bad home situation, and waiting to either be returned home (because of a wrongful removal), or be placed into a foster home.

2 - Kids in foster care - these are kids who can't go home right away, but the social workers think that they will be returned home because the parents are likely to do what it takes to jump through the hoops and get their kids back home - this can take months, or years - depending on how many chances a state gives, and how long they have to prove themselves to get their kids back. The courts are involved, and it's a long process.

3 - Kids that are legal-risk, or fost-adopt. These are children who are not legally free to adopt, but may become legally free to adopt because the parents of the child may, but may not do what it takes to get them back. The social workers feel that the parents may likely fail in jumping through all the hoops, but are obligated to offer the same services and opportunities for the parents to succeed as those likely to succeed. Some states place these kids in normal foster homes until it looks like they may be adoptable, and others are placed into homes that have decided that they want to accept legal-risk kids hoping to adopt, reallizing that they might not be able to adopt every legal-risk placement. (We did this, and successfully adopted our only foster placement). Some states put all young children into legal-risk homes, and others move kids around a lot. The court is involved a lot here, too.

4 - Kids that have been foster kids, and are foster kids, but are legally free and available to adopt. Their birth parents have no legal claim to them, because their rights have been terminated, and the kids are in the foster system because no one has adopted them as their own. Often these are children who are not 5 or younger. Some communities have a Wednesday's Child, or similar program for highlighting some of these children who simply need a family. Every year kids literally turn 18 and are out on their own after being raised as foster children in the system.

So adopting through the state doesn't neccessarily mean a case in which you'd get attatched to a child who would leave - but there's a trade off, an older child with a background - and some people can deal with that with open hearts, others can't, and you really have to decide for yourself. I've known people who adopt older kids in international adoptions, and others who have fostered older kids - there are lots of normal good kids out there who need homes. You just have to figure out the right adoption path for you - there are a multitude of ways and a variety of paths to choose from - it's rather fun to learn about, and you'll naturally find yourself drawn down one, and repulsed by others.

We're excited about our homestudy - but I feel like I'm nesting getting ready for it. It's driving me nuts - I want to clean and organize and move everything around, and I can't until the basement is done. Arrgh.

Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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