Failed Adoption - Reliving it at Holidays
Posted: Jul 05, 2004 8:05 am
4th of July - Freedome for our country.. Aparantly I am not free from having to explain our failed adoption. I understand completely, this is the first holiday without the cihld we had to give back to her birthmom. It is so painful. Still. It's only been since May 11th, and we're already TTC.
Someone, dear to us, basically a family member, said, "Hey, where's your baby?" I said, 'can you clarify? Are you asking about Claire? She's wit her birthmom.' I think he thought that we'd allowed her to spend the holiday with her birthmom, so he just said, OOoh. I then knew he didn't get it, so I explained that she took her back aftera week, and we're all just devastated. Parents chimed in that we all love and miss her, and that they're all hurting over it, and everyone fell silent.
I told him that the only way to know something, is to ask and find out. He felt badly that he'd brought it up, but it's a sadness, and sadness can't be bottled up forever. We are willing to talk about it, because others might not know in the family, or may know, but not know how to deal with it, afraid to bring it up... etc... After that, I realized that people weren't talking about it, and I wondered if they looked at us with sadness, or might have had side conversations with Grandma, who seems to get those on holidays. Side conversations, where she explains how we're doing, and just tells them, so we don't have to, kind of thing.
We had a wonderful day, with the parade, and BBQ, and I played with the 6 yr old cousin I just love so much! Again, I wished I had my own child there, but God gave us cousins to kiss and hug, so I did, all day long. I just wish we didn't have to tell people our story all the time. SOO Many people in our lives STILL might not know, I can't know that until they come up to me, around town, and ask where my little bundle of joy is... and I get somber, and have to explain it... on a good day, out with huyyb, I have to explain it. ANd relive it. Even on hoidays.
Lord, let us get pregnant, because right now, I don't want to have any more stories of giving a child back. (Can you imagine, some have suggested foster care? Like we wanna be in the business of giving them back! UGH!) One was difficult enough. And when we DO adopt, You know what circumstances we need. Lord, just keep that in mind.
Baby Girl Claire, you are 2 months old tomorrow, I love you. I miss you. I'll never forget your sweet face, your big honkin' kissable feet, and the sweet smell of your little neck.
Christy
Someone, dear to us, basically a family member, said, "Hey, where's your baby?" I said, 'can you clarify? Are you asking about Claire? She's wit her birthmom.' I think he thought that we'd allowed her to spend the holiday with her birthmom, so he just said, OOoh. I then knew he didn't get it, so I explained that she took her back aftera week, and we're all just devastated. Parents chimed in that we all love and miss her, and that they're all hurting over it, and everyone fell silent.
I told him that the only way to know something, is to ask and find out. He felt badly that he'd brought it up, but it's a sadness, and sadness can't be bottled up forever. We are willing to talk about it, because others might not know in the family, or may know, but not know how to deal with it, afraid to bring it up... etc... After that, I realized that people weren't talking about it, and I wondered if they looked at us with sadness, or might have had side conversations with Grandma, who seems to get those on holidays. Side conversations, where she explains how we're doing, and just tells them, so we don't have to, kind of thing.
We had a wonderful day, with the parade, and BBQ, and I played with the 6 yr old cousin I just love so much! Again, I wished I had my own child there, but God gave us cousins to kiss and hug, so I did, all day long. I just wish we didn't have to tell people our story all the time. SOO Many people in our lives STILL might not know, I can't know that until they come up to me, around town, and ask where my little bundle of joy is... and I get somber, and have to explain it... on a good day, out with huyyb, I have to explain it. ANd relive it. Even on hoidays.
Lord, let us get pregnant, because right now, I don't want to have any more stories of giving a child back. (Can you imagine, some have suggested foster care? Like we wanna be in the business of giving them back! UGH!) One was difficult enough. And when we DO adopt, You know what circumstances we need. Lord, just keep that in mind.
Baby Girl Claire, you are 2 months old tomorrow, I love you. I miss you. I'll never forget your sweet face, your big honkin' kissable feet, and the sweet smell of your little neck.
Christy