Hyperemesis Gravidarum Support and Research Forums

Hi everyone,

I wanted to drop in and give an update. Everyone here was so supportive when we lost our baby. I don't know what I would have done without your help. I have been away for a while becuase I just haven't been emotionally ready to read and post. But we have come a long way and I wanted to share.

Quick background: I am truly blessed with two wonderful daughters. But I just felt in my heart that our family was not finished. For the last three years we have been trying for another. I have had three bouts of HG and three late losses. Our most recent was this may. We lost our daughter at 17 weeks. The doctors can't give me any definitive answer about why this keeps happening. So even if I were willing to face yet another bout of HG, we have no reason to believe that we would get to bring home a baby.

My children have begged me never to be pregnant again and my husband flatly refuses to allow it. He is right.

So after a lot of soul searching we have decided to proceed with surrogacy. I have found the most wonderful woman who has agreed to be our carrier. I have been through my first round of IVF and we now have three frozen embryos. There is a lot more to do. We all have to be screened by the clinic and get contracts in place and then of course there is no gaurantee that any of it will work. But its our last best shot at expanding our family.

I know in my heart that if this doesn't work, I will be deeply sad but at least I will know that I did all I could to try to bring another child into the world.

Be well everyone,

Jodie

----------------------
Edit: I had to change this post to take out my signiture. I realized that I never changed it and it says my little girl will be here in two weeks. What a sad thing.

I have to say I adore this community. There is nowhere else in the world where people would understand the burning need to have ANOTHER child. Most people assume that my sadness is minor becuase we have children already. They don't understand how much I would be willing to go through to have more.

Jodie, it's good to hear from you. It sounds like your plans are rolling right along.

I'm not sure I would seriously consider surrogacy, but the thought has been on my mind. If you don't mind sharing, how much does the process cost? How did you find the surrogate? If you'd rather not share that information, no explanation is needed.

I wish you the best. Please continue to let us know how things are going.

I would love a surrogate if there was someone who I felt would be ok with it. I hope that everything goes smoothly and that you are holding your little one or ones soon.

That is wonderful news that you are moving ahead with that. Please keep us updated and let us know how it goes.

Jodie, I'm glad things are falling into place for you to pursue this avenue. I hope that it results in a healthy baby in your arms! Please do keep us updated.

Also just wanted to offer you hugs - I'm sure seeing your ticker was a shock for you.

I hope that all of your family dreams come true and you are holding your newest addition soon.

jodie, please keep us posted. lots of love to you! how wonderful!!

Jodie

wishing you the best of luck with the surrogacy. Ive been thinking of you and glad you were able to update us.

about seeing the ticker.

Update us on how the process is going for you.

Wonderful news. Very happy that you are going to try this route.

Good luck and keep us updated!

How great that you have found someone you feel you can relate to as closely and are happy to have her surrogte for you. I really hope it all works out for you, you deserve to get the baby you long for.

Surrogacy is something I'd like to try, but DH is not as keen. We're not ready to go there yet anyway, but I wish you all the luck you need for a healthy baby

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for the well wishes. I will definately keep everyone updated on how the journey is going. Unfortunately, I am finding out that it is an excruciatingly slow process.

For anyone who is interested, we found our surrogate through a wonderful site www.surromomsonline.com. As far as the cost of surrogacy that can really vary a great deal. You can save thousands by not using an agency. Also if you are lucky enough to have a friend of family member willing to carry for you, then you are mostly talking about the costs of the IVF and transfer.

For a good breakdown of the possible costs of surragacy try this site: http://www.circlesurrogacy.com/costs.html

-Jodie

For some reason, I feel bad thinking of surrogacy as most people I've spoken to said surrogacy was only for women who physically couldn't bear children. I know I can, but I'm not sure I can go through HG again to get another baby. Maybe I feel bad becasuse although I thought I was dying, I now know I was never as sick as I could have been - like a lot of you here!

I actually considered being a surrogate myself years ago (esp as my friend couldn't get preg as she had PCOS) .... am so glad now that I didn't as she would have felt awful too if I'd gotten preg then got HG.

Have you had awful comments about that side of things, or do people just know how ill you've been? Or is it just something else for ignorant people to cracker us with?

Thanks for those websites!!!

((((Jodie))))

What a big decision! Congrats on making it. I'm assuming you're using a gestational carrier and you've found her already. Wow! Is she nearby so you will be able to go to appointments and such?

This is exciting. The option scares me, so I'm not sure what to say to encourage and support you since it is scary for me. What happens at birth, do you then have to formally adopt your child back? In the US, the woman who gives birth is listed on the birth certificate.

I know one woman at another site who successfully used a gestational surrogate, and she said a tight contract, no hurrying in the process, and feeling complete complete trust in the surrogate was necessary. She said to RUN if any doubts arise.

So exciting...when's it all begin?

Love,
Suzanne

Xphile, Our story is a little different becuase in addition to HG we have had a number of late second trimester losses. Honestly, I might have braved the HG again if I thought I had a chance of carrying to term. But I did have some of the same guilt feelings for turning to surrogacy when we already have two children. I thought people would resent me or simply not understand why I would be willing to go through so much to have a third child.

Once I started really researching surrogacy and talking to surrogates and other parents via surrogacy, I realized that my fears were completely unfounded. There were many other people turning to surrogacy who were already parents. I have also heard of several people turning to surrogacy to avoid HG.

The thruth is, there is nothing to feel guilty about. You would not be taking anything away from someone "more desearving." There are wonderful surrogates available for people in every situation and if you want to undertake it, you will find a woman who understands your problem and is delighted to help you.

There will always be people who don't understand HG and will belittle your suffering. There will always be people who think surrogacy is immoral for any reason. But I don't think we need to pay any attention to those people!

Suzanne Thanks so much for the good wishes! It really is exciting although I have to try not to get my hopes up too much.

We have found our surrogate and she is wonderful. I couldn't possibly trust someone more. Unfortunately, she does not live near us so we will not be able to attend to many appointments. But we will be there for the birth.

Surprisingly, in many states you can petition the court to have the genetic parent's names put directly onto the birth certificate, so there will be no record that our child is born to someone else. Of course, I don't intend to keep it a secret, but its nice to know I won't have to adopt my own baby!

I'll keep you all posted.

-Jodie

Huge hugs!!! Wishing you all the best!!!

Bethers

jodie!

i'm sorry i missed this. i've been thinking of you! i'm so excited to hear you're going down this route and i wish you ALL the best!

love,
deb

I'm so happy to see this post from you. I sincerly hope all goes well. You deserve it with all you've gone through. Dustin and I have been talking about doing this as well and I have a dear friend who has said she will carry for me as soon as we are ready. I hope we can both expand our family the way we want to.

Sara

(((Jodie)))

I have just seen this. I wish you the best as you move forward with this plan. May your family be blessed soon with a new child.

Love you,
Karen