Weighing our options . . .

Share your questions about and experiences with adoption or surrogacy pregnancy alternatives.

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Weighing our options . . .

Postby ekeith » Aug 08, 2007 11:04 am

I'm halfway new around here - visited a few times when I was pregnant with my second daughter, and now I'm back thinking about having another child.

I visited my ob/gyn yesterday - the same one that treated my HG during my second pregnancy - and she said that, due to my history, at the first twinge of morning sickness, they'll put me on a portable subcutaneous pump of reglan or something similar.

Like everyone else here, I have horrible memories of my HG experience, and the thought of going through it again scares me to death. But then again, so do the ramifications of carrying a pump around with me all the time, added to the fact that I'm terrified of needles. All of this has me wondering if we should consider adoption.

My dh, however, is completely opposed to adoption. This is absolutely shocking to me because he is and has always been a very understanding, supportive, and open-minded person. I don't even know how to deal with him while he's being so narrow-minded because I've never had to before.
He says he's heard all kinds of stories about how adopted children find out they're adopted and become angry and resentful and want nothing to do with their adoptive parents. He also says he "just wants his own child."
I've told him that cases like what he mentions are extremely rare and that most adopted children are perfectly well-adjusted and happy. I've also told him that he would love an adopted children as his own because he/she WOULD be his own. He's said he's open to discussing it, but I 'm fairly certain he's just saying that to appease me.

I haven't made up my mind that I definitely want to adopt. I just would like to know that we can have an open-minded discussion if I decide I can't handle another pregnancy. Does anyone have any advice for me? I'd sure appreciate it right now. We have a really wonderful relationship, but this is straining it right now.

Thanks!
Erica
Mommy to Chloe (6) and Kendall (3)
ekeith
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Postby Mom to Aidan & Daniel » Aug 09, 2007 3:35 pm

My DH and I just went to an adoption info meeting at a local adoption agency here, which was really helpful in terms of addressing the issues and questions that we had. Would your husband be willing to go on an information gathering trip with you? That way, you can both feel more informed, without committing to anything one way or the other. I too worry about what your DH worries about, but I also know many adopted people who are happy and very connected to their adoptive parents. There can apparently be identity issues, but with understanding and love, and if parents are informed about the issues and deal with them in a good way, I imagine that things can go great.
IMHO, the kids with the major issues came from adoptive homes that were troubled in some major way, and even if they were bio kids there would be huge issues, just in some other manifestation.

Good luck!
Sarah
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Postby Atsie » Aug 17, 2007 5:27 am

I was also going to suggest going to a meeting. If you have more information you two can go from there. That is hard situation when you both don't see eye to eye.
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Postby BethersinMN » Aug 17, 2007 12:09 pm

Hi,

I have been through this rollercoaster many many times me and my dh. It is very hard. Adoption is a beautiful thing. It's about opening your heart and home to a child that needs it. The main thing is to find a good agency. After much thought, and prayer, my dh and I decided to tackle HG again. But, I truly believe adoption is beautiful....
Love, Bethers
BethersinMN- Justin 1/9/96 SEVERE HG (9 wks-36.5 wks) Ryan 4/18/09 (HG & Severe Preeclampsia and Hellp at 25 wks emerg c-sec 29 weeks) and 4 beautiful angels 05/21/04, 11/16/04, 7/28/06 & 10/6/12 forever loved with God & my parents till we are all together. We have begun another journey to bring another Baby-Love home. God please grant us faith, strength, courage, patientence and love through this each and every day.
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