Hmmmm

Share your questions about and experiences with adoption or surrogacy pregnancy alternatives.

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Postby *my3sons* » Feb 10, 2007 10:09 pm

I am wondering the same things. I want to adopt a child (actually 2) from China but am so afaid that we will do it and then feel we did something wrong....does that make sense?
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Postby deb » Feb 11, 2007 9:04 am

zoe,

first off, i really know nothing about adoption, so i'm probably not be the right person to answer your questions, but i did want to respond to this one:

how do I know that I am not just trying to fill the need for a birth child by adopting?


i personally do not think that your desire to fill your need by adopting is negative. Children need love and care and you obviously have a 'need' to provide someone, be it your birth-child or adopted child, with love and care. it's something that many of us have in us. i'm not sure why, but children bring such joy to our lives and part of this joy is in the love that we give them. i realize there can be wrong motives for adopting but i do not think that your ache to have more children is one of them. we're made to give love and there are many children that desperately need it. we ache to have children that we can call 'our own', who look to us to provide for them, who call us mummy. i don't think this is selfish, it's what we're made for and adoption is definitely one great way to fill your need as a mother as well as the need of a child for a mother.
it's a win-win situation.

anyhow. just thoughts... i think this is somewhat similar to the question of: will having a child after a loss be me trying to 'replace' the child i lost (and thereby forgetting there ever was that first child), or am i having another child to fill the physical gap that the first one was never able to fill although we'd hoped she would, while still keeping the memory of her in my heart?

a more important question for adoption, i think, is how will the rest of your family react and are they willing to support you? seeing as they may not have that same 'need' for another child..

however, i can't imagine that either of you, once you have your adopted child in your arms and see how much love you can give to her, will feel you did something wrong.

i wish you peace and blessings on your journey!

love,
deb
deb

*jessica heath - hg, stillborn 3.3.06 at 23wks
*levi issachar - hg, 17.11.08
*sela enoch - hg, 4.6.10


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