One Year Later...

[KarenStep]

In 3 weeks my son will be 1 year old! I still can't believe how fast the time goes. I had a pretty hard pregnancy - got hg at 9 weeks, by 15 weeks I had been in twice for IV's, lost 15 pounds, was barely able to work, and had lost the friendship and trust of many coworkers, friends, and family who did not understand how or why I was so sick. My doctor was not overly concerned about my condition, but I was beginning to feel that I could not take it anymore and basically demanded medication. He reluctantly gave me Zofran, and it worked wonders for me. I am so lucky that Zofran worked for me, I cannot imagine how much worse it could have gotten. The rest of my pregnancy I was able to eat - although I was never really hungry and I still always felt nauseas - eating was just something I had to do. I had a few other trips to the hospital for being sick - which I now know was my gallbladder acting up, but once I was on the medication things got much better. I stayed on the Zofran my entire pregnancy, which only lasted to 34 weeks.

I went into labor 6 weeks early, and after 2 days of trying to stop the labor, I gave birth to a little baby boy, 4 lbs. 14oz. Although very healthy and big for his age, he stayed in the NICU for a week. It was a scary experience-my first pregnancy, not knowing why this happened and blaming myself. I later found out that we had some rare and serious complications and were actually extremely lucky that he as born so healthy - there was a serious malformation in the umbilical cord and there was an infection in the placenta which caused the preterm labor. Four months after my son was born I had to have my gallbladder taken out - it all seemed so unfair. My "bad luck" seems to have ended there.

It took a long time for me to understand and deal with all of the negative factors in my pregnancy (and I still am dealing with them). I do not consider myself a physically or emotionally "strong" person, but now when I think back over all those hard times, I am sometimes amazed that I made it through. I made it through those horrible days when I barely left the bathroom, the work days when I spent more time in the bathroom than at my desk, the nights laying in bed, my body aching, wishing it was over, wondering "why me" and thinking how unfair it all was. I made it through all the looks and comments from people who had no idea what I was going through. I made it through more emotional ups and downs (mostly downs), than I ever thought possible - more tears than I ever knew I had.

Now, almost a year later, I find myself thinking about doing it all again. You don't ever forget how bad it was or forget the feeling of being sick, or any of the other difficult things you may go through. But when you finally have that child and see how wonderful they are, it makes it SO WORTH IT. My son has made me feel more happiness than I ever thought possible. From the first sight of his face every morning to the last glimpse of him sleeping at night - everything I faced was worth it in the end. I'm scared to death to do it all again, but when I do I am sure I'll be on this website daily looking for help from others. I know that I can get through it again, surviving it once gives me the hope and courage to survive it again.

[carriedodson]

Karen,

What a wonderful post! We will be here if you decide to do it again. It is worth it all.
Carrie

[RebeccaM]

Karen,

I just wanted to say, you are a VERY strong woman, both emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. Anyone who's survived HG has to be.

Good luck with considering #2. Dh and I are possibly going to ttc this month, and it's such a scary proposition, but I'm convinced it will be worth it.