by teddi » Jun 08, 2004 6:47 pm
Anna,
I can relate to how you feel. HG didn't just impact me, but my husband and family too. While me and my husband we "trying" for this pregnancy, we didn't tell anyone. I didn't want to hear all the possible feedback. Really, it is just that my family (my mother, stepdad) were scared (like I was). The thought of being pregnant can be just terrifying. The first thing my mother said was "Are you sick? Are you ok?". She literally had a nervous breakdown during my first pg, when I was living in their home. She had to go on Paxil. And literally when I needed support the most, she couldn't give it because my being so sick was more than she could bear.
HG left it's mark permanently. While I didn't get but one tiny little stretch mark (which looks more like a scar than a stretch mark), I do have my 4 scars from having my gallbladder surgery. Not that I would really because I've gained a little weight, but wearing a two piece bathing suit would make me feel very uncomfortable. I also have IBS, which my gastro dr said is probably due to the fact I don't have my gallbladder and my liver overcompensates. That's a daily thing. So everytime I have go run to the bathroom because i have to go NOW, I know in the back of my mind it's all because of the HG. When we eat out, 80% of the time I am going to be experiencing cramping and diarrhea. I hope someday it will all go away, but for now, it's a new daily thing I get to cope with.
What's even more ironic is that I've had three different bouts with the IBS where the symtoms were so bad, it made me have vomiting sessions. Years later, not even pregnant, and HG still making me vomit! I would probably like to have 4 children, or at least 3. But I'm hoping that all goes well with #2. Do this again? AGAIN? It's not even as bad as it was the last time and I just want to cry daily because the nausea is ever-present.
Sometimes I feel two things at the same time: a) I'm weak because I can't throw myself to the wolves and do this as many times as I want children and b) like I think I'm strong, because I've been as sick as a cancer patient and lived through it. Sometimes I feel isolated when it comes to pregnancy/kids. Only someone who has endured HG can understand. HG robs you, kicks you, and taunts you. "What do you want more? Your health or your family?"
I don't focus on it, but I know that my first pregnancy has changed my body and my health, at this point, permanently.
Teddi
Teddi
Bert , 3/2000 HG#1, wk 6 - birth, GB removed @ 16wks
Chloe & Kaylie, 12/2004 HG #2, wk 7 - birth, pre-E/pancreatitis
~Angel babe~ March 2012
~ Baby Chuckles~ July 2013