low birthweight babies...digesting stuff....

[teddi]

This still bothers me. Yeah, I know I had twins. Yeah, I know twins run smaller. And yeah, my singleton was fullterm and petite (6 lbs 15oz). But my girls WERE low birthweight, SGA. On another list, someone posted birth pictures of their healhty 9 lb baby girl, and it hit home how that little one was both my girls combined. Even the newborns here look so healthy. Pink and with a bit of meat on their bones.

It still hurts me, emotionally. I still feel like a failure at times, and I really thought I could do HG again and get through it "better". Better meaning, by getting more aggressive treatment (which I did, though apparently not enough) that I could achieve a wt gain this time (as I didn't w/my first pregnancy). Be stronger or in a somewhat healthier status compared to my first. But I was wrong. I had a "goal" for this pregnancy. I thought I knew more and that it would translate into a better pregnancy, even if the HG itself was just as bad or lasted as long.

So I'm thinking, maybe regardless of how much you know about HG, regardless of the treatment you get, maybe it's ridiculous to have any goals of getting through HG other than to just make it through. Maybe there is no way or treatment to make it "healthier".

Or were my Drs neglectful? Was I too scared of being perceived as a problem patient (and I was very concerned about it) that I didn't speak up enough, press hard enough? Should I have done TPN or had an NG tube? Would my babies have weighed more? Was 4 lbs 13 oz and 4 lbs 6 oz the biggest I could have grown my girls, even in a "normal" pregnancy? Or did the fact I gained 2lbs (start to finish) mean my girls were undernurished?

Why WEREN'T my Drs more concerned? Why DIDN'T they ever address my lack of wt gain? It is just a very painful memory, Christmas night, when they weighed Chloe, and here my fullterm baby was down to 3lbs 14 oz. I carried her to 36 wks 6 days. They are both very healthy now. Weigh over 14lbs. But I feel like I gave them such a bad start, like my faulty body is the reason their first 10 days were in the NICU.

[Marie]

Teddi,

With my first HG pregnancy my dd was 4lbs 13oz, and I gained 40lbs. The size of your twins were probally due to lack of room inside you, and genetics. Nothing you could have done differently would of changed their birthweights.
You were not a failure....you are a survivor, and to carry your twins to term with HG is such an awesome accomplishment.

Hugs,
Marie

[HGx3]

Teddi,
Come on now, you know better than that. YOU ARE A TERRIFIC MOM!!
You did Nothing wrong, and twins, that are nearly 5 lbs a piece are a great size!!!!!!!
I remember when you posted thier birth weights, thinking, "Wow, those are BIG for twins!!!!

My best friend had twins, an hg free pg, delivered at 36 weeks, and gained over 40lbs, and her babies were the same size as yours!!!!!And don't forget, Joshua was 8lbs4oz at 37 weeks, and he spent 4 days in the nicu!!!

I understand what you are saying about hg, I feel the same way. Being more knowledgeable doesnt necessarily change the outcome, but it does let us know that we did do everything we could to try to make a difference, if there is/was one to be made, KWIM?


I am sorry you are feeling down, but I think you are very knowledgeable and educated regarding all aspects of your twins, and they are perfect!!!!!

[rjdecker]

Teddi,

All my babies have been small! I have high blood pressure and plus, genetics play a big part. My kids are all still small. I think one of them has hit the 10 percentile in growth. Don't feel bad. You have done a great job! Especially with twins!

Jenny

[aaronsmommy]

I'm sorry, I had meant to respond a while back.

You had twins, and HELLP, 2 very common reasons to have small babies without having hg. I know 2 people who have had twins at 36 weeks this year with one of the babies at 4 1/2 pounds, and that is with completely uncomplicated pregnancies, no preecclampsia or HELLP or anything.

Yeah some nutrition might have been good, but as for the what if's, it's a very tempting thing to do, but it can go the other way too - what if you couldn't tolerate an NG? what if you were on TPN and got sepsis and all 3 of you died? You got them here healthy, small, yes, but you did get them here and you should feel proud about that!

I've done the whole what if's and guilt thing so much with Aaron because he was induced at 35 weeks and ended up on a ventilator. I still have twinges of guilt now, but as he's gotten older and I realize that I just love who he is, the NICU seems to matter less and I feel some of it dissipating.

(Now I still do the same about my first pg, but it's too painful to play the what if's much for that one, and time has helped me cope.)