Can't Let it Go!

[ddick757]

Hi All:

I am new posting to this forum. I have been to the site numerous times but only to read other's posts. Last November, my husband and I got pregnant with our second child. It was a planned pregnancy.

I was out-if-my mind sick..delirious. I didn't know if it was morning or night, Friday or Tuesday. At the time, I would have rather been dead and just kept saying, "someone just kill me." I guess, having found this web site, I had hyperemesis. After seven different medication combinations and a hospital visit my OB asked us if we had considered termination. I said, "that I would be lying if I said that I hadn't." When she asked my husband what he thought, "He said that it wasn't his decision that I would have to make it and he couldn't add anything." Long story short, the pregnancy was terminated after a month of 24 hour days in bed (only time out, was bathroom breaks). I lost six pounds in seven days the week before the termination. I was so delirious while sick that it never entered my head, that if I terminate, I probably won't have any more children of my own (i.e. being a Christian family the termination was something that I never expected to have to encounter and could not possibly go through another). I just wanted it over.

Well, after a year. I can not let go of the obsession of wanting more children. We have a biological little boy who will turn three in a couple of weeks. As others have mentioned, seeing other pregnant women or other families with multiple children makes me envious and jealous (almost crazy with desire to have another baby). I was sick while pregnant with our little boy but I was able to go to work and I didn't have any children to take care of at the time.

Even though, I believe that I could make it through another pregnancy this time with some planning and support, my husband will have nothing to do with it. As mentioned before, we are a strong Christian family who has suffered greatly with our sin factor as a result of this termination.

Is there anyone who has gone through the obsession of wanting another child and has come to grips that it may not happen? I would love some advice.


Mom in Ohio

[mammaclare]

I struggle daily with that obsession. Presently, three close friends are all blissfully pregnant...and I am so sad. Happy for them, but so sad for me and my family.

I also think I could tough it out one more time--don't want to, but don't want to NOT do it either--hope it makes sense to those here, because it doesn't make a bit of sense to anyone else I try and explain it to.

I didn't terminate, but at 10 weeks I wanted to. I was so ready to just be DONE. I told my husband how I felt and he said if I did it then he would walk away from me and our new marriage (only married 5 weeks when got pregnant, sick as a dog by the two month anniversary) and he was VERY serious. SO, I faced each day as best I could. To this day, I am so mad at him for that ultimatum and at the same time SO thankful he made me keep the baby. I can't imagine my life without my boys.

However, my husband doesn't want to do it again--doesn't want to see me sick, doesn't want to hear me say I want it all to end, doesn't want to have Rory miss out on his mommys attention for months...etc, etc.

We haven't arrived at a conclusion or compromise yet--and I am not really completely emotionally ready anyway--so I can't give advice, but only a hug and some empathy.

I am so sorry for your loss and if it means anything, keep in mind the forgiving spirit of the Lord...

[PamelaRose]

Welcome! I'm sorry you're so conflicted now--the desire to have more children is strong. You're right; with planning and preparation, HG can be managed and survived. You made the decision that was best for your family and your body, but it's a heartbreaking position to be in. Yes, we have other women here who've terminated and wrestled with guilt. Many do go on to try again, too. If you are seriously considering another pregnancy, you need to have your husband learn more about HG. Talk to your faith leader to work through the religious issues. Is your husband worried that another pregnancy would end the same way? Perhaps educating him about HG and introducing him to the stories of women who came through it will help him see that it doesn't always end that way. Best wishes to you--please let me know if there's any way I can help!

[Suzand3girls]

I am so sorry for the pain you have been through. Have you had any help in dealing with the termination? Here is a link to a site that you may find helpful: http://www.gospelcom.net/projectgrace/main_index.php

Project Grace was started by a woman from my church and she helps others heal and find a way to forgive themselves.

Bless you and your dh as you work through these issues and make decisions for the future.