im so depressed and feel like ive lost myself

[janiecw]

hello,

It's Jeannette Im 23 and 12 wks with my first.
I just got out of a 4 day stay at the hospital because i was throwing up blood, i found out i was starting to develope an ulcer from vomiting so much I couldnt even keep water down. I felt better at the hospital and was glad to leave however, now that I am home I feel nauseated all the time I can't afford to take the fully prescibed dosage of zofran instead of taking 16 mg a day im having to limit myself to 8 because i dont have insurance and cant afford to buy very many at one time. Im also having problems with begining to feel very depressed because I cant ever seem to go anywhere. Im so tired of being cooped up at home all the time I miss going to the movies and everything. My husband is frustrated because we have no money because the zofran is costing us about 180 $ a wk to keep filled and thats with me taking smaller doses. I am so frustrated I feel like a bad wife even though my husband is wonderful and supportive and I know it really got to him seeing me lying in the hospital all hooked up. I havent been able to sleep in the same bed for 2 months and i can barely stand to be touched. I cant cook dinner, do laundry, go grocery shopping, I can barely bathe myself w/out help it takes so much out of me I feel disgusting Im so pale and unkept and way too thin. i dont know i feel like i cant take much more of this.
also my doctor wanted me on a high calorie diet because ive lost 17lbs in 6 weeks and was thin to begin with so i look like the walking dead im so thin i barely have the strength to walk around or anything I was wondering if anyone had any ideas of high calorie items that arent too heavy or greasy my mother-in-law suggested ensure has anyone had any experience with that?



Thanks for your support I dont know what id do without this forum I feel very isolated and you all have helped me to realize i am not alone

[DeColeCody]

Jeanette -

Welcome to the Forums! You will find so much comfort here. You will find you are not alone!Are you on any other meds? There are a few different ones that I am taking that are so much less expensive. It may be worth a try!

I was very depressed, and I cried all the time. I am 13 weeks and have been dealing with this for the past 6 weeks or so. You will find many women on the forum who are HG survivors more than once. All I can say is you know how bad it is, they know how bad it is, and they chose to have more babies. In the end this wil be worth it. Just to know that life is being created inside your body right now is an awsome thing. Sad that the sickness is taking over all of that right now!

Yuo have many friends here who would love to give you a hug and say no problem, complaint or feeling is lost here!

I to have lost 17lbs and can not keep much down. I hate bathing, brushing my teeth, getting dressed. I have good days and bad.

Talk to your Dr about your depression. You are not alone in your feelings. Many times I write a forum and the people who respond just make me cry, it is as if I have all these sisters who truly understand my pain!

Sending a big hug your way! Keep posting you will find it helps!

[yankee]

your not alone. i tried ensure and boost but nothing seemed to work. however my mother picked me up an ice shaver, 25 bucks at walmart, and it was a saving grace. i fill up a glass with shaved ice and then add whatever fruit juice will stay down that day. usually cranberry with calcium. for some reason drinking things that were really cold helps. i'm 16 wks and lost 15 pounds but at least with the ice shaver im able to get fluids down.

good luck!

[MamaLily]

Jeannette -

I'm so glad you've found us here! This really is such a wonderful place for anyone suffering with HG. We've all been in your shoes and understand what you are experiencing. And, as unbelievable as it sounds right now, it will all be worth it. I would go through all of that suffering again for my daughter...she really was worth every minute of it! (Although when I was 12 wks, I had my doubts )

Anyway, since you are 12 wks, I think you ought to speak w/your doctor about trying steroids. They are so cheap and are usually quite effective for stopping weight loss, vomiting, and sometimes even nausea. I was put on steroids at week 11 and they helped me when no other medication did. Let me know if you want more info about them.

There are some over-the-counter meds that also might be helpful, esp if you are on such a low dose of Zofran. There is a post in the 1st Trimester forum about the various medication options. It is called "Must Read on Zofran/Unisom/B6." Here's the link: http://helpher.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=226 I think the info there will help you find sometime that will work for you!

Keep hanging in there. HG is so horrible...it would only be worth it for a BABY!

- Anna

[Natalie]

Hi

I just wanted to post and encourage you along. I really do feel for you - it is just dreadful being so ill 24/7. As if the physical part isn't difficult enough, HG is also completely draining psychologically and emotionally too. From what I understand, HGers find the stage you are currently at (the end of the first tri) to be the most difficult. It does tend to improve with time, you just have to hang on in there. I know, I know, easier said than done - I don't have an ulcer brewing, I haven't just got back from the hospital, I haven't lost 17+ lbs but it IS worth it in the end just for that beautiful, precious bundle.

As for not sleeping in the same place, and not being touched _ I think this is very common. I couldn't really have my hb anywhere near me when I was in the worst of it - in fact, when he came to visit me (I stayed at my mums while sick) I was like 'Hi Honey, now put all your clothes in the washing machine and don't come near me until they are all washed and dried, you may have a quick peck on the lips but don't touch me and definitely don't hug me!'. I kid you not. The hours the poor guy spent hanging around in his underwear while his clothes were being washed and dried! And don't even get me onto before I went and stayed with my mum and him turning over in the bed... OMGosh - just makes me nauseous thinking about it

*FOODMENT*
When I was coming out of the worst of HG, I was sometimes able to eat ice lollies to help keep me hydrated. Have you tried this? Dehydration increases nausea, nausea increases likelihood of vomitting, vomitting increases dehydration - a vicious circle so it is important to be as hydrated as you can be and break the cycle if at all possible.

Best wishes

Natalie

[wannabemom]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I completely understand your depression. My Husband and I couldn't sleep in the same bed either and I could barely stand to have him around me because I could smell everything he ate. It is terrible feeling to feel so far apart from your Husband. I stayed in bed all day everyday so I completely understand that utter feeling of isolatation. What I wouldn't have done for a Message board like this in my past.

We are here to help you the best way we can.

[halgal427]

hey,
i'm sorry to hear that you are so ill. i am just begining to come out of the worst of hg and what i found to work best for me to keep from losing too much weight was canned cresent rolls and bread sticks. they are packed with fat and i was able to drink small amounts of fresh squeezed lemonade...which has a ton of sugar for the caloories. granted....no nutrition but i was able to maintain my weight after a big loss in the first few weeks. i don't weigh much to begin with and i went down to 92lbs. i am back up to 98lbs now with the help of 32mg of zofran, IV fluid 2/day and those pilsbery breadsticks and cresent rolls which is like eating white bread. i could NEVER stomach ensure. i tried once and paid for it for a week.
well good luck,

[aaronsmommy]

I did those pillsbury crescent rolls too. They were my only food for quite a while during my first pg, tasted okay and weren't too bad coming back up. I still managed to lose a lot of weight while eating just them, but it should probably be obvious that you would need to eat more that 2/day (on a good day).

[danimomof2girls]

Jeanette,
My heart certainly goes out to you because I felt the same way with both of my pregnancies. Just know that you are not a bad wife and that what you are doing right now by carrying your child is a wonderful thing and one you won't regret. I know how depressing it can get through. The good news is that you will get through this and you will one day feel like a woman again! I wish I had words that would give you comfort but I know what it is like to be in your shoes and words are seldom comforting when you feel so sick and soooooo low. Please feel free to email anytime. I check my messages often.
You've lost a lot of weight. I lost 19 pounds in the first trimester of my first pregnancy. With my second, I was losting rapidly and that's when my doctors took proactive measures to get me fed intravenously. It is not a fun road, but the TPN's that I was given literally changed my life and well being. Has your doctor discussed any other medicines or alternatives for you?
dozdych@knology.net

[Suzand3girls]

Jeanette,

I'm so sorry you are stuggling with this. I remember those days all too well, nearly 9 years ago. I lost tons of weight and was so weak.

I did have some success with Chocolate Ensure Plus. It is a bit thicker, which worked for me, and for some reason chocoloate calmed my stomach a bit. I figured as long as I could keep it down for while, I had to be absorbing some of the nutrients. Sweet doesn't work for everyone, but it would be worth a try. Dove chocolate bars helped me too, but not in the worst of it.

You are not alone and I'm glad you found this forum. I've been away for quite a while but I hope to be here more to offer support. HG is such a horrible thing to go through.

[Julyta]

I am so sorry you are going through this, I've always thought it was something I don't wish on anyone. I am a mom of two and on my third experience with HG...in my 7th week now ans I know exactly what you are going through. With my second Zofran never really worked for me because I could never keep it down, so with the TPN I really felt better. I was getting nutrition and the zofran as needed, there were always worries about the effects but I have two beutiful and healthy kids so I would recommend it anyday.
Now with this Pregnancy I am trying some suppositories for the Vomiting, but the weight loss and the Vomiting are taking a big toll on me, so I will probably be having the TPN pretty soon. I would deffinatly try to see if that is an option for you. I know it could be pricey, but you should look into all the options, With my 1st I was on MedicAid and I know all they ever gave me was B6 vitamins and a "I't will pass, just try some crakers" But hopefully if you make your case they can help you.

Good Luck, and just remember that there is a sunny side on the other side of this hill...even though it's hard to see it in these times of horror.

Keep strong and Let your husband know what you are feeling, sometimes they forget.

[djturr]

I Jeannette....so glad to see you found your way here. It really helps to know there are many, many other women out there that are going or have gone through the same thing.

You will get great info and support here....I'll keep in touch via email