Darling Husband

[querida]

I just read the thread about the unsupportive husbands, and I wanted to post my own husband story. Not to brag, because it sounds like some husbands (like some doctors, some mothers-in-law, some friends) can be real jerks when it comes to dealing with HG.

My husband is a stay-at-home dad to our 5 year old. Having been a stay-at-home mom to this same child when he was an infant, I know full well that being a stay-at-home parent is the hardest job in the world. Before I got pregnant this time, we shared the housework, the errand-running, and stuff like that. I did almost all of the cooking, simply because I know how to look in the refrigerator and find things to eat, and he doesn't. And I took care of the bills and finances, because I have a slightly better head for math.

We're now at 10 weeks of dealing with HG (I'm 15 weeks pregnant). Brad been there for me--ALWAYS--to take me to the ER, to hold me when I'm crying, to sympathize with my frustrations with the doctors, and to stand up for me to doctors and nurses and others who have been less than sympathetic. And this was before we even knew that my condition has a name. Not only that, but Brad has risen marvelously to the occasion and taken over all of the housework, cooking, grocery shopping, bill-paying, errand-running, and all of the tasks that we used to divide between us. Before, when I got home from work, I would kind of take over the demands and questions of our son, to give Brad a break in the evenings. Now, Brad is the on-call parent, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He struggles with preparing meals that I can eat, and never gets offended if I'm not able to eat something he has cooked. He has never uttered one single word of complaint, and is encouraging and supportive in those moments when I'm feeling depressed and guilty for not being able to do more. And, on top of this, when my employer started protesting at all of the work I have missed, and when I was that my job might be in jeopardy, he said, "Don't worry about it, Carmen. If they fire you, they are complete jerks. But we'll make it through. I'll get two jobs if I have to, and you can just stay home until you've recovered completely."

I'm not saying all of this to make anyone jealous. I'm saying it so that you all realize that it is NOT too much to expect for a husband to step in and be supportive and encouraging through your illness, to take on more work than usual, and to even learn how to do some things they couldn't do before! Do not feel guilty for being sick, or for expecting your spouse to be something more than a selfish @ss. If your husbands give you any flack for not being able to do the things you could do before, tell them my story and remind them that if they can't step up to the plate, you CAN find someone who will.

[caleighbelle47]

I have to say that your husband sounds like a wonderful man. I too am blessed with a great husband, but it wasn't at all great when HG hit. It took 3 months for him to realize that I wasn't just being lazy and mean, but that I had no control over what was happening. Those 3 months were absolutely horrible though, so I understand women with unsupportive husbands. My husband finally caught on and became the greatest guy. He gets my food when I want it, and if I can't eat it he tells me that's okay. He does ALL of the laundry, makes the bed everyday (even if I'm stuck in bed I have to have the bed made or it drives me nuts.) And he always made sure I got what I needed when I was at the hospital, he made sure I never ran out of warm blankets in the ER.

Hopefully more husbands will be able to step up and help take care of things. Face it no one, other than the woman going through it, sees HG the way the husband does. I know for me the only person besides me that knew what I was really going through was my husband. He saw what my family and the doctors didn't, this allowed him to support me in ways others couldn't.

Angela

[halgal427]

i have to say that my dh is finally getting it. this is my 3rd hg pg. the 1st hg pg was the worst and he was not supportive at all. my oldest dd was 3 and no one ever helped me including him. he would silently be angry that he had to find his own dinner and that was all he did extra. my house went to pot and the laundry just didn't get done. my mother did help out in that department finally.

even though i has a line in and home health care at home no one seemed to get it. smells killed me and i told my gh that yet he would still lay next to me and eat doritos and drink beer. it would make me puke everytime. he was more annoyed then anything.

my next pg was a little better but he would get annoyed when i asked for water or toast. it stressed him and he didn;t know how to handle it. since then we have been to counceling and i told him how hurtful it was that he wasn'y supportive and he admitted to feeling helpless and stressed by it all. ww are now facing a surprise hg pg and he so far has stepped upto the plate. he has the girls at his parents summer home for the weekend by himself right now. that is hudge for him. he made supper twice last week and did take out the other nights, which is also big for him. o think counceling and talking openly is that key. it wasn't that he didn't know how sick i was. he just wasn't prepared for the helplessness feeling.

[Cheri]

Querida,
It's great to hear about how supportive your husband is. HG is a killer & dh support makes all the difference in the world.

Kim,
I am SOO glad to hear DH is starting to come around a bit. You know, it took hg pg #3 (& losing the baby) to bring my husband around to how badly I needed his support. There is no way I could have handled this surprise pg or the last one without his support. I hope your dh will hang in there & help you out & that everything goes well.

[macsmommy]

I LOVE hearing good stories about husbands, mine is doing better but I think to be honest only because so am I and now I'm helping with everything I can.
It is nice to hear that you have such wonderful support and it's nice for us to print those out and forget that we left them on the front seat of his car so when he gets to work he calls with a big " I love you, and how are you feeling?" I know Im so bad =)

[my3divas]

I just read your rave about your dh and had to throw a note about my guy. He is incredible. He is out the door for work by 5 am and gets home at 3pm. He then tucks me in for a nap (after seeing if there is anything he can make me to try to eat). Then he takes the three girls to the park, blockbuster, wherever. Tries so hard to keep the house clean (even if it isn't my way!!). He runs to the grocery store at the slightest thought that there might be something I can keep down. And he never acts like I am faking (and trust me I am a drama queen so he would have good reason). I don't think that he could ever understand how bad it really is, but he sure does do everything he can to help me through it. After writing this I realize I need to call him and tell him how much I love him....