by BrandiJK » Oct 03, 2005 11:20 am
Nicky, I am sorry you are having such a hard time.
Your not alone in feeling nothing, in not having that budding excitment. I think that is what I am the most jealous about in other 'normal' preg. moms. Dh tries to help, we go window shoppig for baby stuff, but I have yet to buy anything.
This is the first pg of mine where the excitment just isn't there. My first I was horribly sick, but it was my first. My second was mild. This time, I just want for this whole experiance to be over. I often question if this was the right choice, and have had times of regretting the decision to concieve and we even had to work at concieving this baby. So many problems have arrisen w/ the HG in my personal life as well as my sanity (it feels like, anyway).
But, experiance tells me that bonding does come in time. Sometimes not asap (it took a long time and lots of work w/ my first dd) but it does come. A mother loves her children, even if they do not bond instantly.
And, hate to sound flaky or like a bad cliche, but it is true. When this baby is born, the HG is normally over as well. That's when the excitment can come flooding in, the love, the bonding, the amazement. Will you be up to doing this again? Why even worry about that now?
Also, your fighting to just make it from day to day. It consumes your world, that just making it. But think of it another way. Look how far you have come and what you have endured for this baby! Your bonding, your feeling something, because your making it. It's just not the textbooks joy healthy preggos feel. It's the sacrifice you are making. I don't know if that make sense. I just know the worst I can do is devalue the effort it is taking to bring this child into the world by doubting myself and adding guilt to the whole ordeal. I am doing the best I can, and you are too.
The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child.