Feeling lost and scared...

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Feeling lost and scared...

Postby Libbee » Jun 13, 2004 12:16 am

Hi all, my name is Libbee, I am enduring my fourth HG pregnancy. This pregnancy was a total suprise! I am currently 24 weeks. I have three kids, ages 6, 4 1/2 and 2.

I am having a problem that I am hoping someone here can help me with or has at least been through.

My husband has recently been forced to quit working due to his disablity. He has been found to be elegable for Social Security, but it can take several months for the payments to start.

I am unable to work due to being SOO sick all the time. We have 3 kids to care for, so we swallowed our pride and applied for welfare. This is where the whole problem has started. First of all, I HATE the idea of being on welfare. My husband and I have always worked very hard to support our family. I know that it is there to help when you have nowhere else to go, but I still don;t like it. Ok, just had to let that out. :oops:

Anyhow, here is the problem... here in Montana, people are required to do job search or job "activity" to recievce benefits. Even my husband has been required to search for work even though he has been approved for social security! And, he is still employed, he is just on extended medical leave which will end when the SS payments begin. Unfortunatly, his employer did not have temporary disability insurance available, so that was never an option.

My doctor has written several notes to them telling them that I am unable to work due to my having severe HG. It has not had any impact. I am still expected to go to their meetings each morning at 8 a.m. and to all the required classes which are all in the mornings also. Then, I am expected to do "work experience" which is basically doing volunteer work. I have tried several times to explain just how sick I am and that getting up in the mornings is a major ordeal for me, let alone bathing and dressing my kids and getting them to daycare. Our caseworker told me "I was pregnant too and had morning sickness, but I got up and puked and went to work anyhow!" I know this woman has no clue what it is like to have HG, but she makes me feel like I'm just another welfare bum trying to get our of doing work. I told her if I were able to do all this that I wouldn't even have signed up for welfare, I would have just found a job. To which she replied, "Well, why don't you do just that then?" We are required to do 35 hours EACH of job activity per week. My husband usually can manage about 20-25, but lately I have only been getting around 10 because the rest of the time I can barely hold my head up. I was even repremand once for not being "clean" and properly dressed. I hadn't showered for 3 days (bathing is a major trigger for me, I can't stand the smell of the water) and I was wearing sweats and a t-shirt that HAD been clean, but moments before the class began I got sick and didn't quite get to the restroom in time. I tried to explain this but the guy looked at me like I had 2heads and told me I had better be dressed and groomed properly next time.

I feel so hopeless, lost and depressed. I don't know which way to turn. All our savings are gone, we used it up before entering the "system".

I am so sick all the time and am sick of going to the hospital for IVs. We tried to get IV therapy at home, but Medicaid won't pay for it unless you are under 18! I am left to be sick and miserable.

Isn't there SOMETHING out there for people in a medical crisis? I'm sure we aren't the first people dealing with something like this. I feel like I'm running in circles with nowhere to go. Somedays I feel like just giving up, but I can't. Where do I go? What do I do? HELP!!!
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Postby Ivydragon » Jun 13, 2004 12:29 am

My suggestion is to talk to a supervisor, and keep going on up the chain of command until you have someone who will listen to you. You have Drs. notes, you have this website full of information to refer them to, and you just keep going up until you get someone important's attention. This is government, and government has systems of reporting, and chains of command. We were foster parents, and we were told that if we didn't get answers to our questions from who we were supposed to, to go up the next level. They cannot deny you this.

Medicaid for only under 18? Hello!?! I was covered with BOTH of my HG pgs because we got pg as newlyweds making minimum wage on part time hours, and then 6 months after a layoff w/ the other! I was 19 pg w/ my first. You should also qualify for foodstamps, and WIC.

Do you belong to a church? Many times there can be help there, too. I know there certainly is through mine.

Some hospitals will write off hospital bills if they need to. Have your dh call and talk to billing. I am so sorry you are so stressed - I know it DOES NOT help with the nausea or vomiting. How are you doing day to day? What are you on, and what works? What are you able to eat and drink?

Hang in there, and keep us posted.

Huge hugs, Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby PamelaRose » Jun 13, 2004 11:42 am

Hi, Libbee. I am so sorry to hear about your crisis! The good news is that you can't squeeze blood from a turnip, as my grandma would say. There is no way you can do the trainings, and no matter what kind of fits they throw and nasty things they say, they're not going to change that, either. Keep trying, talk to everyone you can until someone listens. You can always resort to an ER rehydration and then they'll have the medical documentation (other than your doctor's note) proving you are undergoing treatment. Ugh. I really hope someone can help you break through the wall of idiocy you're up against. Yet another reason why I hate the term "morning sickness" - people hear it and imagine they know all about HG. :( Hugs to you. Hang in there!

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Postby aaronsmommy » Jun 13, 2004 11:52 am

Yikes!!!! I'm glad I don't live in Montana!
In CA they have the same kind of classes, they have a special form that the doctor fills out if they don't feel that the person is medically able to do them. In fact, they often encourage women to get the doctor to sign the form a couple of months before they are due because they feel like if they can't finish the classes they might as well wait until after they have the baby to start.
I take it there is nothing like that in Montana? If you were in the hospital, or had preterm labor what would they do?? Are you sure the doctor is writing the right things in his letters?
You shouldn't feel guilty, this is what the system is for!
If they truly have no way of being able to get out of this then they are truly messed up - of course that doesn't help you at all.
You are getting WIC at least, right?

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Postby RebeccaM » Jun 13, 2004 2:13 pm

I am sooooo sorry you have to endure such a frutrating situation, ON TOP OF having HG to deal with. What a bunch of idiots! You need an advocate that can go in there and slap some sense into the people you're dealing with. Maybe schedule a meeting with someone high up on the chain of command and print some stuff out from this website, along with a letter from your doctor saying you have HG, then present them with all the info.

Just and idea, but of course, you're probably not even in any shape to go to a meeting! That's the irony.

This website and forum can be is a wealth of information. Read all you are able to. Best of luck!

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