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Looking for hope after grief...

PostPosted: Jun 09, 2004 8:26 pm
by Cecca
I am so glad to have found this site. Somehow through two pregnancies (my beautiful son, 4, and daughter, 17 months) wretched with HG I never found this site. This sad day, I am almost one week after terminating my third pregnancy, and I'm not sure I will ever be able to live with that decision. In spite of the two I have, I do not seem to be able to reconcile my decision to terminate my little lost one. The HG had set in full steam at week six and I just did not think I could take it again. I lay there in bed for two weeks thinking I'd rather be dead than so miserable with HG again. Now that the termination is done, I hate myself for not sticking it out. HG is truly a state of despair, and I am so glad to meet people here who understand, FINALLY, what that place is like. Now, how do I heal my heart from the loss? Any words of wisdom appreciated. :cry:

PostPosted: Jun 09, 2004 11:41 pm
by PamelaRose
Hugs to you, Cecca, and welcome. I am so glad you found us, and I am so sorry you are hurting right now. You did what you had to do, what was right at the time for you and your family. You have to consider all aspects of your life, and no one here is going to judge you. You have my sympathies as you mourn yet again for what HG has taken from you. Full pregnancy or loss, we are all robbed of so much. We also have our eyes opened to how much we really do have--you have two beautiful children, and you had their best interest at heart. We have all been at the point you were at, and you will hear from others who have made the same decision, and they'll be able to find words I can't. I wish you peace as you deal with emotional upheaval. Please let me know if there's any way I can help!

PostPosted: Jun 10, 2004 12:21 pm
by Ivydragon
We have a forum where you can post your story of grief. We also have a forum where women who have terminated will be trying to conceive again. They know how you feel, even if you cannot face another pg (and we ALL get to that point, someday), you will know for sure that they have walked in your shoes. We also have a forum for healing emotionally from HG. The toll HG takes is so far reaching.

I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried a year ago, and although not the same as your situation, it's the closest thing I have experienced to relate to yours. It took me far longer than I could have imagined to heal emotionally. I think the very luckiest part of healing for me was the children I already had. They made me focus on today, and tomorrow, and the future, instead of what I had lost. I also received tremendous support from other HGers who are now here at this new forum. They remembered my due date passing when not even my husband remembered. It meant the world to me to know that I had support whenever I could reach out and admit I needed it.

I had suggestions from many women: float a candle on the water to say goodbye. Plant a bush or tree to represent the life you've lost. Go on a trip to get away. Day by day things were easier, just the smallest tiny bit. Week by week I was swept forward with time, and month by month it was a little easier (ok, except when I had PMS, and then it was awful). Passing my due date was so tough, and that was January, and you know what? I miscarried a year and several days ago, and didn't even reallize I'd passed that date! Wow. I don't even feel like I'm exactly the same woman I was a year ago. I've made changes in my life that I do not regret, moved into a new home in a new place, started new music work, and rededicated myself to my family. I've come to terms with God's timeline for my family, and am content to wait to adopt until the time is right for us. I look more forward than I ever have. Maybe it's because I hate too much of my past, but I also have peace in my heart for how things are now.

Take one day at a time, and post about how you are. Support is one of the best cruches to lean on, and you are NOT alone.

Huge hugs, Andy

In our prayers

PostPosted: Jun 29, 2004 9:17 pm
by kmwilson
You will be in all our prayers.

Hopefully those from this website that have experienced the same as you will help you through the grieving process.

I know I felt estactic when I found this website the other day. My eyes have been glued to the screen today.

Please take it day by day and try hugging your children when you're sad. I know that won't erase the past, but they seem to have so much to give in their hugs. My children never know the reasons for which I'm crying, but they always want to make it better.

PostPosted: Jul 05, 2004 11:42 pm
by halgal427
i just wanted to tell you how sorry i am for your loss. you are among friends here who understand the horror of hg. i am currently 4 weeks pg w/ a surprise 4th pg. i am feeling good now but i know what is coming and i am praying for the courage to make it through. i wanted to end my hg pgs. i didn't even really know it was an option. your story will give many strength to carry on and i pray you find peace someday. hg is to blame. you are a hero for doing it twice before, that is something to be very proud of. you are not alone. please come back and talk to the many others who have had the same experience.
big (((((((((((hugs))))))))))

edd 3-10-05
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