Dads... an HG mom who needs advice.

A place where partners, fathers, friends, and family members can discuss experiences and difficulties regarding loved ones' Hyperemesis.

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Dads... an HG mom who needs advice.

Postby HopelesslyHG » Feb 27, 2006 8:23 pm

Hi to all the Dads,

I realise that you are all in the midst of your own struggles with HG and I hate to put any burden on you, but I was hoping that one or some of you could give my boyfriend some advice from a male perspective.

I am 25 wks and have been suffering with HG from the start. Early on, I was at the doctors or hospital 3-4 times a week. Once all the meds, up to and including Zofran were started, I managed to get a bit better and at least stay out of the hospital.

We had planned this pregnancy, and since at the time we both still had 2 houses, I was going to put mine up for sale and move (he lives about 90 mins away). Then, the HG hit and everything fell apart.

At first, he even refused to believe me that I was this sick. He consulted his male friends (whose wives had had mild morning sickness or none at all) and informed me that it was "impossible" for me to be this sick. When I asked him to come to the doctor's with me hoping that the professional perspective would help him see how serious this was (they diagnosed it right away at 7 wks); he refused because I was being "irrational".

I tried to explain about the triggers that bothered me most: travel in the car, any food smells but especially onions, even good smells like my own shampoo and soap, being too hot or cold, noises, being hugged/squeezed; and he continued eating onions and whatever pleased him for another 3 months. On one horrible night, he ate a greek salad for dinner and some chips & salsa before bed then got upset with me for not wanting to cuddle, I was being "too sensitive".

Apparently, (according to him), I do not understand his needs for affection or I would try harder. We had sex twice in January and before that it was way back in October. I have been accused on numerous occassions of doing this just to make him miserable... He is mad because all his friends tell him about their wives who had great sex during their second trimesters and he takes every opportunity to remind me of this. I can tell him until I am blue in the face that I still cannot handle swallowing my meds some days, that is how bad it is but there is no effect.

He wanted me to move closer to him (which was the original plan), but that would mean being 90 mins away from my mother, my sister, my friends and the hospital. Can you imagine a 90 min drive (one way) at least 3 times a week with HG (I am a wreck after the 20 min trip it takes me now)? Although there is a closer hospital, the care is limited for HG (I looked into it several times and my team of physicians advised against moving because of the limited access to comprehensive care for HG. Apparently, I would be most likely stuck on a stretcher in the hallway of a busy emergency department during my "admissions" due to lack of beds and I would be passed around from one doc to the next each shift).

He doesn't agree with the medications that I am taking (Zofran, gravol & diclectin) and accuses me regularly of "harming" the baby. He has even threatened to take the baby away because I am "harming" it with the HG! I have followed every doctor's order and suggestion, taken all my meds, and not taken anything without consulting them. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't take any other drugs. I have spent weeks forcing down food and fluids, hoping that they would stay down (but most often vomiting) for the sake of this baby. He has refused to help pay for the medications, despite the fact that it is costing me over 500$ a month even after the insurance pays their portion.

One day he is threatening to abandon me & the baby, reminds me of the 2 times he told me to have an abortion (at 16 and 18 wks... and he called back 30 mins later to take it back...) and that since I didn't I am on my own. The next day he is telling me I am bad for this baby because of the HG and the meds and that he is going to take it away.

I asked once if he would be this hard on me if I had cancer or another illness and was unable to work and unable to have sex; his reply was that this was not the same; apparently I "chose" this by agreeing to get pregnant.

Today, when I got a really bad blow that there is a serious backlog in processing government maternity claims, and I will have no money coming in from Feb 3rd to about April 1st (I used up my 3 months emergency savings back in Oct/Nov/Dec) paying for all the meds (at 500$ a month out of my budget) and the waiting period before my 10-week disability claim came in); I called looking for some sympathy, support, reassurance that he would help and all I got was "I told you so". So, now I get to worry about paying for food and meds and gas to get to the hospital for the next 6 wks.

According to him, it is impossible that I am still sick at 25 wks. It is impossible that I can feel sick 24hrs (yes, some days are better than others, but the stress is not helping with sleep or nausea & vomiting). When I point out items from this site I am told "You're better than that".

I am so sorry to be a burden on any of you but I am really at my wits end. I was hoping that there would be a Dad out there who could give some advice or be willing to have my boyfriend e-mail him with questions (I am not even sure he would but it is worth a try).

Thank you for whatever you can offer; even if you are just confirming that I brought this on myself, at least it will be clear in my mind finally.
Hopelessly HG
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Postby snowmoon » Feb 27, 2006 11:09 pm

Since I am only hearing one side of this I won't pass any judements on the guy.... but I will give you my guy's intuition.

His attitude is one of disreguard, disrespect, and downright meanspirited. Everything that you mention tells me that he is unable to cope, can't comrehend things different from his "friends", and really does not want to be a party to this "mess". He might come around when you "get well" but I'm not positive he will stick around that long.

Another thing is I'm guessing that this guy is terribly insecure with his sexuality. He presumes that you don't want to have sex because he is no good in bed or do not care for him no matter what you tell him. Honestly if you can find some way to get him off without it bothering th HG it would go a long way to smoothing things over ( as sad as that may sound ). Whatever you do, if you go this route, you must give the impression that it was good for you or the whole thing will backfire worse than holding out on him - trust me.

You are not married. This is *not* the time to be pressing him about long term issues. Deal with things day to day and let the long term items go for a while. If you press you could be seen as cornering him on issues. Mix with insecurities as above and you have a dangerous situation.

My symapthies are with you, I may be a guy, but I see the horrible discomfort and worry in my wife's eyes every time I see her in the hospital. Even with all my reassurances, she is still on pins and needles between worrying about the baby and her own sembalances of a life for the next nine months.

Cheers,
Eric + Deb 7+3 EDD Oct 13th 2006
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Postby HopelesslyHG » Feb 28, 2006 10:11 am

Thanks Eric,

No, we had wedding plans but the HG put them on hold and the way that I feel I am being treated doesn't give me any encouragement towards a long-term commitment; if he cannot be there "in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer" now I don't want to chance it for the rest of my life. I keep wondering what will happen if down the road I develop long-term complications from HG.

Right now, even cuddling is hard because I cannot stand anything on/around my stomach and smells, good or bad still set me off as does being too warm. I have tried explaining this, I have tried finding posts on this site from women with similar feelings during their HG but I am still accused of not understanding his needs.

Trust me, you had it right with the mean-spirited part. He got upset earlier in the HG when I was not up to talking much even on the phone and he had the phone service and internet cancelled on me! Last week, again because he was upset with how things were going and I was crying on the phone because he was digging into me about moving again, he threatened to cut everything off again. I'm trying to cut him SOME slack due to stress but he won't go and talk to anyone (counsellor, minister) other than his "buddies" who have no concept of HG and what it is to deal with this both for the woman suffering and for her partner; so all he is getting is the sympathy vote because he isn't getting sex and nothing is turning out according to his "perfect" little plan of a "fluffie" pregnant wife who has amazing sex all second trimester. So, on top of everything, I will have to face these guys again one day not knowing exactly what he has told them about our lives but knowing vaguely that our sex life and other personal details were shared at large with his "buddies".

When I called yesterday, it was to share the news that I had confirmation that the maternity benefits were behind and I would have NO money coming in from the time my disability ended on Feb 3rd until about April 1st. At that point, I will get about 4 wks retroactive pay but it does not help with the meds and food in the interim. I was expecting him to at least be a little concerned and was about to ask that even if he would not help PAY for these; I would take a loan. Unfortunately, I got the opposite of sympathy and support and he seized the opportunity to remind me that this whole mess is my fault because of the HG and my inability to move according to the perfect schedule in his head. There are no allowances for weakness or sickness in his head :cry:

Thank you for replying.
Hopelessly HG
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Postby BrandiJK » Feb 28, 2006 12:13 pm

I am so sorry for all you are going through. I'm not a dad, but I just have to speak up.
Stop trying to rely on him for help or support at this point, and rely on your friends and family near you. Drop any and all long term plans. Right now, your only focus needs to be getting through the last 1/2 of your pregnancy. Don't let his guilt get to you, because you are doing what you need to be doing for your child.
Will your family help with $$ while your cut off financially?
The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child.
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Postby Marie » Feb 28, 2006 2:29 pm

It is very difficult to get out of a bad situation. Especially when you feel so powerless to begin with. Please look out for yourself and baby. Look to friends, family, and the ladies and gentlemen on this site. We would love to help you in anyway possible.

I could live my life without my DH, but not one day without my children.
Hugs,
Marie
Last edited by Marie on Mar 02, 2006 11:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
HG baby arrived 11/18/99.
Lost an Angel 6/04.
HG baby arrived 7/01/05.
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Postby bmc » Feb 28, 2006 4:20 pm

You received some good advice above. Your boyfriend needs to understand that his "buddies" don't know crap about what you're going through! You might want to do what I did and print off pages from this site explaining HG and it's effects and hand it out to his buddies. I had no idea what my wife was going through, I just knew that vomiting 20 times a day was more than just simple morning sickness that my friends wives got through easily! I found this site at 3 AM because I couldn't sleep due to my wife's condition. I now sleep in my daughter's room on a portable bed just to be able to get enough sleep so I can take care of my wife. I haven't had any intimate contact with my wife since early December 2005! After reading this site, I understand why. That's life! Tell him he is just as responsible for that wonderful child growing inside of you as anyone. If he didn't want a child he should have used protection! He needs to show that he loves you and his baby by supporting you fully and compassionately or let you know what his true intentions are! You did not cause this. You did not know this would happen. This is NOT your fault! You must convince him to come to this site and get educated!

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but being a man means taking responsibility for your actions no matter how hard it may be! His actions resulted in your pregnancy. He needs to step up! If he has any questions about how to handle the stress, emotions, finances etc. I would be glad to discuss anything with him. Let me know. I'm not trying to judge your boyfriend because like snowmoon said, we're getting only one side of the story. But if what you say is true, he's got some growing up to do! And I'm not going to sugar coat it, it is very, very difficult! But, it is only temporary. Stay strong, lean on your family if they're more understanding. The last thing you need is someone adding more stress to your situation!

My wife has had HG since six weeks and is now 20 weeks along and been on TPN and injectable Zofran which I have to prepare each evening. My day starts at 7 AM each morning and I don't get a chance to sit down until 11 PM at night. I have a 6 year old daughter to care for with no family to speak of. So, I don't have a lot of sympathy for your boyfriend, but I have whole lot of sympathy for you! You may search my profile and read my posts to learn more about our situation. There's not that many posts.

My thoughts are with you and please don't hesistate to ask for a male's perspective here. I'll gladly offer any advice I can. Take care and take care of yourself. Try to remain positive. Good luck!
Bruce
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Postby HopelesslyHG » Feb 28, 2006 8:47 pm

Thank you Bruce... especially since I have read some of your other posts and I can see what a rough time you have been having. I am sorry for your loss; but I am happy to hear that you and your wife have each other.

I guess the worst part of my situation is that it was a planned pregnancy We actually consciously decided to try; I think that adds to my feelings about how he has reacted. I would almost find it easier to understand if this was due to a contraceptive failure and I had insisted on keeping it against his wishes; but we really both decided to try for this baby.

I have tried to make him understand that when I asked for financial help; it was not to pay my mortgage or electricity or gas or for a 200$ haircut or for me to "go out with the girls" (like that has happened in 6 months!); I just wanted him to step up and help out with the 500$ a month in medication (my portion after the insurance) and the 30$ a week in gas to get to my doctor's appointments and the 45$ a week minimum in parking at the hospital (I thankfully have less appts now, but early on it was 3 or 4 days a week). Essentially, everything DIRECTLY resulting from this pregnancy; I didn't think it was fair that it was costing me 800$ a month out of my budget when this was something we were doing TOGETHER. I didn't even add the maternity clothes in there or all the nutritional supplements, ketostix and stuff I bought trying to gain weight early on.

I finally got so upset about 10 days ago that I told him that if he wasn't going to contribute then he really had no claim to this child and I was putting my name on the birth certificate; since essentially I am doing this alone (or at least 90-95% of it). I cannot believe he think he can leave me with the huge financial burden and all the pain and suffering of HG but once the baby is born, suddenly appear to say "Look what WE did" If I have to do this alone, I will but I want the credit for the fact that I have gone through this alone and begged, pleaded and fought to the point of making myself worse for every bit of the roughly 5-10% "support" he has given me throughout. If I cannot count on him to help that much now, I'm afraid to imagine what will happen once the baby is born.

Thank you for your comments and insight; I know the HG and pregnancy can play with a woman's mind sometimes (or at least it does with mine) so I thought it best to seek advice from a man who has been through this.
Hopelessly HG
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Postby bmc » Mar 01, 2006 3:25 pm

Since you both planned to have a child, your boyfriend made the commitment to financially and emotionally support you no matter what! He can't step back now and say, "Oh, I didn't know I would have to contribute during the process!" I think you know what you should do. As tough as it may be for you, you need to give him an ultimatum:"Help me with your child now, or I can take you to court and the law will make sure you do your part for the next 18 years!" I'm sorry, as sad as it sounds please DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! If he bails out on his commitment that he agreed to, what is he going to do when things get tough in your marriage? Do yourself a favor and put him on the spot as soon as possible! Judging from your post, I think your mind is very clear and you know what you must do. I don't know how the law works in Canada, but get some legal advice as to whether or not you should put his name on the birth certificate. I would put it on there just so it would make it easier to sue him for support. I don't think what your asking from him is outrageous by any stretch of the imagination! You're being more than fair! If he doesn't want you or this child that he agreed to have, he still must pay. Please talk to your family and ask for all the help they are willing to provide. How is your relationship with his parents? Maybe you could talk to them and they could knock some sense into your boyfriend? Like I said, please do not doom yourself to a failed marriage. He must step up and prove to you that he really wants to be with you and have children with you. What kind of provider will he be if he cannot even provide you with a little support now?

You know, I've been married for 17 years to the same beautiful woman and it hasn't always been easy. It takes a lot of work and a child just makes it that much harder. Think about your baby growing up and then having his/her parents divorce when they shouldn't have married in the first place. Your child deserves better! Remember, we all sacrifice as parents to make a better life for our children. Right now, you don't need the grief and aggravation your boyfriend seems to be giving you! The more I read your original post, the more it sounds like this guy is borderline abusive!

Please, please give him one last chance to prove he's worthy of being a father to his child! If not, worry about taking care of yourself and your child! I know it's tough, but the decision is rather simple. I hope he comes around and does the right thing. This is the opinion of a husband and father who knows what it's like to see someone you love go through the devastation of HG!

These forums are a wealth of support, continue to use them as I do. I'll keep you in my thoughts hoping everything works out for you! Please keep us updated.
Bruce
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You both need support

Postby DonnyJM » Mar 01, 2006 4:42 pm

Hi HHG,

My first reaction is to say that your boyfriend is a waste of space and you should ditch him but he obviously is like 99.9% of people and even doctors who have no idea what you are actually going through. You would have to have been there to fully understand how bad it is - I have only witnessed it second hand yet I believe.

Firstly pat yourself on the back for getting so far with such poor support - the first time my wife had HG she only managed to reach to 9 weeks before an AB because it was to much. I tried to support as much as I could by doing the physical things but we knew nothing about HG at the time and I for a while did think it was not real. That she was somehow exaggerating. looking back at that time the AB was our only option because the doctors offered no help either but now that we are fully aware about HG and it's effects we know it could have been different.

Now my wife is 20 wks and coming past the worst of the HG - we have only managed this with the support of our friends, family and work which have allowed her to work reduced hours and me from home. I have done all that I can both around the house, with our daughter and emotionally for my wife so she could take out her frustrations on me when she was feeling at her worst .

Your boyfriend needs to beleive in what you are going through and he needs to look after you as much as possible both in doing things for you, saying the right things and taking as much stress (including financial) away from you as possible. He needs to realise that this is a temporary situation and that it will stop (hopefully in a few weeks or at worst case a few months). Then once it is over things will get back to normal (well as it can with a new baby).

If he wants to ask any questions or advice or support then he can mail me but if he is still in denial then go back to my first instint - ditch him and look to some of your friends or family for support as you need and deserve it.

Best of luck - Don
Father of Eleanor (age 5)
Husband of HG'er due 19th July 2006
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Postby tguild » Mar 01, 2006 7:40 pm

If I am this guy in the description, then I should be shot. Unfortunately, I am simply lost. Firstly, I am going to point out the half truths. Not for myself, but for her. Maybe having our lives on the open stage will help. (1) I have never said I didn't believe her, only that I did recieve advice from other fathers(buddies), who are very good fathers who I respect. They stated they had never experienced anyone who was that sick. (2) At best I am 90mins away(no traffic), 3 hrs with traffic ( I have a small business, which makes it impossible for me to temporarily move there - I almost lost the business in Nov trying to keep my head straight and work while dealing with this). (3) After week 7, I was eating and sleeping in the livingroom when I was there. I had Salsa one night and completely oblivious to the fact it had onions in it( I know I wasn't thinking). 2 mins later she told me, she wished she was with another man. The Greek Salad, she bought for me and I picked out the onions the best I could. Now(for the last 12 weeks) I do not make anything and wait to see what she or the kids are having (4) Yes we had sex twice(consecutive nights) and I was terrified to touch her - she convienlty associates sex with affection, despite my compasoniate talks. (5) I have given her a car, telephone, internet and cleaned out my bank account, there's nothing left. Moreover, my house is for sale and I am hoping it will sell soon. (6) I have reacted mean-spirted(said something back), only when being told firstly and maniputed that I would never see the baby(she knows she could make it very difficult for me to be with the baby, since we are not married or living together). Too much to handle after everything else.
Enough with pointing fingers, it is a situation with no answers, none that I have found as of yet. For the first time in my life I have shared my problems with my family and closest friends. People have always looked to me for answers. Now I need their help, because the harder I try, the deeper I sink. My health is also a concern (I suffer from High Blood Pressure - neck injury from sports - and extreme Migraines. I feel soo helpless being soo far away(it drives me banana's). The distance factor is a killer. It would be so simple if she could move to my place while she is ill, and I could cater to her every needs. She has 2 children from a previous marriage which makes the possibilty of temporaily moving to my place very difficult. When I call to see how see is doing (I know she is feeling terrible), just once I wish I could get her to be nice to me without having to give money. We do not trust each other anymore, which complicates everything. I have continually asked to go to coucilling together since week 8. She has her reasons for not going and I respect them, but it hurts. Despite the fact that I hate my life at the moment, I know she is suffering worse than me. I will not abandon my son and his mother. I am proud of all the obstacles I have overcome in my life, everything is completely upsidedown at the moment and I have come to realize it will probably stay that way for a while yet. The obstacle is trying to be positive when negativity is everywhere.


The man in love with Hopelessly HG,
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Postby snowmoon » Mar 01, 2006 7:54 pm

This is why I don't pass jugements, just give intuition.

Here is my peice of advice, stop taking all this time to post and *TALK TO EACH OTHER*.

That is all.
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Postby HopelesslyHG » Mar 01, 2006 8:52 pm

All I can say is that compared to the over 5000$ I have spent on meds and trips to the hospital this pregnancy and the 16000$ in lost salary that I have absorbed and suffered alone... the roughly 800$ worth of what he says he has "provided" over 6 months of pregnancy is a drop in the bucket. Trust me, if anyone wants receipts as proof, I kept them in case there is a custody battle.

And what woman with severe HG out there is capable of big, long phone conversations??? Or 90 min (one way, good weather, no traffic) car drives to the hospital??

He has never had to come to the doctors or call them and be an advocate for me, because I have good contacts so I have never had to fight for home IV or to be admitted or even had to wait in the waiting room; its all been solved on my own with my doc or nurse or friends. I have never asked him to cook or clean the house... I haven't asked him to be here every night, in fact, being alone is easier due to lack of smells and noise and movement. He has never had to look after my other kids... so essentially, all that has been requested is some understanding, moral support and assistance with the financial burden that this pregnancy has placed on me! I also asked that our personal & intimate lives not be broadcast to all of his friends and family, since I will have to face them at some point, I wished to preserve some privacy and dignity.

He still gets out every week with the guys for sports and beer, and to his friends house or aunt's house for dinner. When he gets home in the evening there is no more housework than his own, he can watch TV, he can ride his stationary bike or go to bed at 8pm...

Please show me another husband/partner of a woman with HG who has such a cushy life!
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Postby bmc » Mar 01, 2006 9:14 pm

tguild,
First of all let me say thank you for coming in and presenting your side! I think that shows you are not who you've portrayed as. And since some of my statements were based on the description given, I hope you were not offended as I tried to clarify my opinions as such. I know how hard this is on us guys. We can't just fix it like we always do! If you read some of my posts you'll know what I've gone through and just yesterday to top it off, my mother-in-law had a heart attack. So life sucks right now! I'm sorry you had to come in to defend yourself, but would you have come in otherwise? Now that you're here please ask any questions you may have or things you may need to discuss. I'm right in the midst of HG Hell like you, but I've gain some valuable insite here. Believe me, it has helped. You can't do it on your own.

The two of you seem to love each other very much and if that is the case you both must find a way to work this out. This will be one of the toughest battles a couple can go through, but it does have an ending. It's up to both of you to determine how that ending turns out. Myself and others are here to help. I'll be back tomorrow. Now I must go take care of my wife and daughter, which I've affectionately labled, "My second job." :lol: I wish the best for both you, take care!
Bruce
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Postby aaronsmommy » Mar 02, 2006 12:43 am

I was wondering if you might consider online counseling together. I found a directory of counselors, and it would overcome the barriers of distance and talking http://counseling.kasamba.com/Advice/Br ... banid=3705
Aimee

Aaron 12/4/02
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Postby Pandy » Mar 02, 2006 5:14 am

I've been lurking here for a while, my g/f (KimberlyAnn's mummy) is on her second HG pregnancy, and usually I just lurk and read the posts since usually if I have anything to say Helen has posted it before I get the chance to get on..lol

But I felt like I HAD to reply to this topic. This may be Helen's second HG pregnancy but I have three grown up children from my marriage to my ex. My ex wife was a fluffy with all three pregnancies, only having mild NVP like most "normal pregnancies". When Helen started feeling sick we both thought it was morning sickness to begin with but then she got worse... and worse, to the point of having to go into hospital for IV by 10 weeks. I NEVER disbelieved her as I could SEE how bad she was, before she went into hospital she even talked of terminating the pregnancy, and wanting to die, That was very hard for me to hear, and I hated seeing her the way she was with that first pregnancy, but I would never have told her to abort, I just told her that I would be there for her whatever decision she made. Her dr's refused to give her medication and did not understand what she was going through, said it was just NVP and to go home and suck on ice chips.

When Helen found this site, she called me at work and said she'd been bawling her eyes out because she saw herself in so many people on here. I was so glad that she had found the reason for her sickness, and she also found the list of meds she could take. Since her dr wouldn't prescribe her meds, I went and bought OTC anti-emetics (phenergan and B6) for her, and although I was concerned with how the meds would affect both her and the baby, I soon realised the risks of taking the pills was far less, in my opinion, than what the risks would be had she not have taken them. I noticed a significant improvement in Helen when she was taking the meds. She wasn't fluffy at all, but she could at least function, and the vomiting went down from 25+ times a day to around 4-6 times a day. From then on, she had good days and bad days.

I changed my works shift pattern so I could start at lunch time, that way I could clean the house and prepare meals and drinks should she want to try to eat/drink. Then I would go to work and work 12hr shifts. YES I was tired and YES I got grumpy towards the end of the week, it was damn hard work, but I know that Helen could not have done any of those things herself. Proven by the fact that she tried to move the coffee table and relapsed badly for a good few days.

The first thing I would say to your b/f is that you should NEVER listen to your mates when they know nothing about what they are talking about. The dr's you are seeing would not prescribe you meds if they were not safe in pregnancy.

I can't believe he was insensitive to the smells and food, if I wanted a hot meal then I went to a cafe and had a meal there, I didn't cook in the house until after Helen got her meds, so 6 months. Helen quite often didn't want cuddles because it made her worse, but I would just be there and stroke her hair (if that didn't aggrivate her!)

TMI, but we haven't had sex since Helen found out she was pg this time, I don't take this as a reflection on me, no-one would want to throw up then do the deed. (besides she is still threatening to cut it off if I come near her again!!) Helen's dr is only a 5 minute car ride and she would have a really hard time travelling even that short distance, never mind 90 mins.

Your baby was planned so in my mind, he should be responsible for half of your medical bills, I'm sure if you were to get a lawyer they would tell you the same. (of course it maybe different than here in the UK)

I'm sorry your b/f is so unsupportive, But I say, you need to worry about you and your baby, and try and forget about him, the stress is not doing you any good. And as for him saying he will take your baby away when it's born, he won't find a court in the land that will give him custody just because you had HG, that is scaremongering, and rediculous, and totally untrue.

I'm going to get of my perch now, but his attitude made me angry, especially as I have seen first hand how bad Helen was with her first. This pregnancy is better in comparison, but she still suffers every day, and I am back to working afternoon shifts so I can get everything done before I head out the door.
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Postby tguild » Mar 02, 2006 9:27 am

aaronsmommy wrote:I was wondering if you might consider online counseling together. I found a directory of counselors, and it would overcome the barriers of distance and talking http://counseling.kasamba.com/Advice/Br ... banid=3705


It is something I wasn't aware that was available, thank you. I'm looking for other idea's and approaches. This is the main reason why I decided to post a reply. I'm tired of he said , she said ect..
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Postby bmc » Mar 02, 2006 2:15 pm

Hopelessly HG and tguild,
I so sorry the two of you are having such a tough time with your relationship on top of the HG. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. It appears you're both willing to go to counseling and that may me the way to go to save your relationship. Both you please try to find a way to be kind and understanding of each other. Anger on either side is not going to help during this period. You have a wonderful gift awaiting you at the end. For the child's sake, try to find some common ground. She needs as much support as you can possibly provide. He needs as much understanding as you can possibly provide.

I hope and pray you both can get through this and have the happy marriage you both long for!

Best wishes,
Bruce
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Postby Marie » Mar 03, 2006 12:08 am

I should have known better and I apologize to you both for being so quick to judge your situation.

My dh (boyfriend at the time) struggled through our first HG pregnancy. We both had several stressors that were added to with my being unable to function. Without support of my family and counseling our relationship would have never lasted. My dh still quotes things I said when I was suffering (yep 7 years later :roll: ).

I have been there. I am sorry you both are suffering.

Hugs,
Marie
HG baby arrived 11/18/99.
Lost an Angel 6/04.
HG baby arrived 7/01/05.
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Postby IslandDreamer » Mar 03, 2006 12:27 am

At the risk of offending the two of you, I’m going to wade into this thread because I have been in a similar situation and have some thoughts from the other side of the HG. Feel free to ignore what I say. But please also understand that the purpose of this reply is to try to help you or maybe give you a different perspective.

For most of my first HG pregnancy, I was a thousand miles away from my bf (now dh), in the ER, and pissed beyond belief at dealing with HG and his “getting off easyâ€Â
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Postby HopelesslyHG » Mar 15, 2006 1:39 pm

I was going to post something but decided to end this thread and post my thoughts on a fresh one. Thanks.
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