After almost a week of pretty strong symptoms (mild nausea, burping, fatigue, veiny chest, dizzy spells, food aversions, etc. which always happen before I get my BFP in prior pregnancies), I have been doing what I can to prepare (buying sublingual B6/Miralax/Xantac/Flintstones, adapting protocols for my own, using extra flouride treatments, getting my hair/toes/nails done (silly thing as a last treat before the smells and movement won't let me do any of those things), busting it at work, taking vitamins while I can, playing like crazy with the boys and resting as much as possible at night, etc.) and trying to come to grips with the fact that this may be a reality now (as I would have said absolutely these are pregnancy symptoms for me). Now, I am sitting here incredibly achy and had some spotting just a few minutes ago. Today would be the official "missed my period day" but I ran out of tests (yes, I am a POAS aholic!!!!
) yesterday so I didn't test this morning. Thus far negative, but I have had 3 rounds of these symptoms before (2 babies and 1 very early loss). For so many reasons, this would be a really bad time (Big one - I started a new job last October so I don't have FMLA protections until October of this year so if I got put on leave during the 1st trimester, I wouldn't be protected). I don't know what to think or how to feel. My husband just admitted that he feels a little disappointed by the news (although we are both very quick to say another baby isn't the thing that scares us it is the illness and we aren't sure we are ready to be in the midst of all of that again...). So if I do start today, what do I do with the emotions I am feeling about being a little sad it isn't a third baby but totally thrilled that this doesn't mean I am going to be feeling as though I am on death's door within the next 3 weeks? Does this mean we both want the third child and should have one, so I should just start trying to prepare (working out, vitamins, etc) and then try to select the "best" time (we had initially tabled the discussion of a 3rd kid until October of 2013) and then go for it or find another way to have one (adoption), etc or is the fear portion of us enough to take a more permanent measure for birth control and not have the third child (and not go through the "what ifs" each month at this time). Should I go in and get a blood test to know if this is an early loss so I can trust these symptoms again? I know this is poorly written, but I needed a place to spill these thoughts and then try to focus on the rest of my day at work.
If I had fluffy pregnancies this would be such a different decision and discussion and it makes me SO angry that I can't get the joy piece of a new baby until the baby is here.