Worn out

[AnneCan]

I'm feeling so worn out these days. Physically, mentally, emotionally....everyday is a drag on my spirit! I keep telling myself "only 2 more months", but it's no comfort, as 2 more months seems like an eternity (this entire pregnancy has felt like an eternity). I think it's depression that has started to really settle in (as I've mentioned in a recent post). I might have a better day (mood/outlook wise), but then the next few days of feeling so sick and useless puts me right back to the bottom. I'm feeling more and more disconnected and sad, especially. DH and I barely talk; DD and I can't really do much together because it makes me feel so crappy, plus I am waaaay less patient with her lately (and then I feel like a shitty mom all around); my friends and family haven't called/texted/emailed in weeks and weeks. I live in front of my computer because it's the only thing I can do, but I'm so sick of it and bored out of my mind. It's summer but I can't be out. It's the long weekend here, but I can't do anything. I had some things planned to help celebrate this (last) pregnancy, like Henna Tattoo on my belly, and maternity photo's planned that I wanted to do by 32-33 weeks, but I have yet to contact anyone. I just lost my motivation, and I'm not at all excited...I just don't care anymore and want this to be over. I also used to look for recipes and dream of what I would have after this is over, but again, I just don't even care to think and dream about it anymore. I don't want to shop, browse for baby things, or 'nest'....I just want to see my ticker say "40 weeks" so I can be done with this HG business forever and forget it ever happened.

**Ugggghhh. Rant, Vent, Cry. Done tantrum.**

I doubt I have to ask if anyone else feels the same way or understands? I wish it wasn't so depressing.

The one positive I have to add is that I bought myself the "wink" post pregnancy belly girdle thing. I researched a whole bunch of them and it's pricey, but it had great reviews. I had to order it from the states. I want to have something on hand in case I have another c-section. If I don't have a c-section, then at least I'll have something to support my insides. I figured I earned at least this after getting all stretched out from these babies.

Anyways, sorry not so chipper today. thanks for reading (if you still are!)

[beyondthepale]

((hugs)) it's hard, there's no denying that. i'm not going to try and give you some false hope here, the only thing i'll remind you of is that you're getting there...sooner rather than later, you're going to give birth to a healthy little baby and then you can forget all about HG and the hell that it is....please try to hang in there.

[krsweetpea]

I'm sorry it's so hard. I too am done just rather done. Hg has let up, but I still feel pretty much quesy/nauseous all day. Coupled with various third tri discomforts and lots of braxton hicks, I'm just over it.

Not much longer, you can make it!!!!
Hugs and hope for a less miserable day

[MichellevsHG]

The hospital gave me one of those belly bands after my c/s. Did you call ahead and ask if they do that at your hospital? Then you don't have to spend the money on one. Even so, they are worth their weight in gold. I loved my band. It was the only thing that made me feel like I wasn't going to lose it all on the floor.

And hang in there - you are so close to the end!

[AnneCan]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement! Mentally I know I'm close, but 8-9 weeks is still so long to go when you feel like garbage (as you know!). I'm really just hating life right now...

I had a CS last time, but they didn't give me anything like that at all. I have read on some blogs that some hospitals do provide full wraps too, but ours is pretty small and cheap. I just figured I'd buy myself something that I think will make me feel better about myself post-partum and help recovery. I didn't use anything after DD1 and things went back to a regular size in a reasonable amount of time, but my core was so weak, and the CS incision area was really painful for a while! I thought the extra support would work well either way (CS/VBAC).

[gremlinsmummy]

Big hugs hun, I'm sure it's no surprise that we can relate I know for me, I hit a mental wall at about 28 weeks (coincidentally around the time I last ended up in hospital), I couldn't see how I'd get thru the next day, let alone the next three months. But time has actually passed a little more quickly since I hit 32 weeks, hopefully it will for you too.

In the mean time, be gentle on yourself. Your body is fighting the greatest battle it will ever face, so it's no wonder you're exhausted...

Would you consider earlier delivery? Knowing this one had an eviction date also helped get me thru the days and weeks.

[AnneCan]

Thanks. I remember hitting a wall around 28 weeks last time too (same as this time). I agree, after 32-24 weeks I remember it going by faster too, so I hope that's true this time around (I'm almost there!).

I can't deliver early unless by c-section, and our hospital's policy is 39 weeks. Because I'm trying for a VBAC, my doctor will absolutely not induce. Well, she'll augment my labour at 41 weeks if I haven't gone on my own by then, but only with milder means (no drugs). I may end up going to 41 weeks and ending up with a repeat cs anyways (that depresses me, so I tell myself I'll go into labour at 39 weeks!).

[Heathermarie14322]

I know how you feel it's so hard at this point I'm exhausted in a way I can't even describe. I lay in bed and think about everything I could be doing but I know if I try it'll push me back and I'll be sucker than I am now. We all need a vacation after this hell. My poor husband thinks ive lost my mind I'm sure most days I ask him to take me for a ride he always asks where and truth is I could care less if it was just Around the block, somedays I think I'll loose my mind if I have to stay in this house any longer. I don't sleep at night because the anxiety of how the next day will be makes me sick.

[AnneCan]

I know what you mean about a vacation after this. I remember, after DD1, feeling like I needed a couple months off between the HG and the baby, THEN I would be ready.

[Alwayshappy39]

It amazes me how so many of us have the exact same feelings/emotions! No one else can understand or empathize with us. I too am so over this pregnancy and I never find myself thinking happy thoughts regarding this baby and it makes me sad. My honey is great and he tries really hard to make my life a little easier but, I just can't get out of this funk I am in! He tries to be optimistic about me feeling better before my delivery but, I am almost 27 weeks and I still feel like garbage. I am sure I won't find relief until the baby gets here. I am currently on night 2 without my Ambien and haven't slept more than 3 hours. So, the lack of sleep magnifies my physical and mental ailments. Some days I am just completely overwhelmed and today is one of them...

[AnneCan]

I know (about relating to others)! I always feel like I can come here and explain how I feel and know that others get me! It's such a huge relief. Last time I was pregnant I didn't post, and I always felt isolated; it made dealing with the HG and depression so much harder. I always feel like I can make it though a few more days after coming here and posting/reading posts.

I get pretty sleepy from my medications, but have bad nights where I don't sleep very well, and I always wake up a tonne. I know what you mean about sleeplessness making everything worse! I can imagine how awful you feel from it when it goes on for days and days. I hope you can start to get some more sleep, at least!

[Cin]

Big, big hugs! We all feel this way at some point here. HG sucks.

Try really hard to stop thinking ahead -- look at how many days are gone from the 9 months instead. Sounds weird, but it helped me.

HUGS!

[AnneCan]

Thanks Cin. I try to tell myself that I should focus on how far I've come, and I do to some extend....but I want the end so badly that's all I can think about... One day at a time though, I know....

[krsweetpea]

Hi annecan!
I am soo right here today

Thanks Cin. I try to tell myself that I should focus on how far I've come, and I do to some extend....but I want the end so badly that's all I can think about... One day at a time though, I know....

Hugs to you today.

[CarliBear]

i feel this so badly today... how is it possible that i wake up everyday feeling just as bad if not worse than the day before? i am so tired of this. i don't even want kids anymore, I don't know why i ever wanted them. i am trying to focus on the gift at the end but everything about a newborn seems unappealing to me because i am too tired to even get out of bed. i can't even lift up my cat easily... how the hell am i supposed to care for a newborn?

please just let me go to sleep and wake up in 10 weeks.

[AnneCan]

please just let me go to sleep and wake up in 10 weeks.

Me too!

I can say...at least this time, because it's my second, I KNOW that kids are worth it. When I was pregnant with DD 1, I kept telling myself "it better be worth it", and I honestly wasn't sure at many points. It's easier when you truly know that they are magical little beings and that life eventually gets back to 'normal' afterwards.

That being said, taking care of a newborn after HG is hard, I won't lie. I had a c-section with DD1 and I found the first few weeks excrutiatingly exhausting. Once your system has some time to recover from delivery, HG, and sleeplessness, things are much better. It took me a while to build up my strength last time, but I did eventually get there. At least when you're not pregnant anymore you can nurish your system with healthy drinks, food, and exercise for recovery.

I hope the last few weeks 'fly by' for all of us Calibear, I really do! I think we've all had enough....

[gremlinsmummy]

Snap, I remember saying at 7 weeks 'just wake me up in June

How are you feeling now Anne? Hanging in there?

Carlibear - I promise, like Anne says, it is all worth it in the end, and I hate that HG has robbed you of the joy of preparing for your precious wee one. I was lucky enough to have great births, and I was literally bouncing off the walls within hours of delivery coz I felt so great after months of awfulness. Hang on in there xx

[Heathermarie14322]

Hg sucks tOday and it's a holiday but I refuse to sit in the house all day and make my family suffer with me I'll put On a smile and sit at my family's and not show how miserable I feel I can't wait to be able to enjoy a cookout and a holiday after all this crap .. This sucks

[krsweetpea]

Oh yes it does... I'm due the 7th of July... Maybe this little girl could decide to come on a week early so I could celebrate 4 th of July with feeling like crap.... We have no plans today but I thought I would shower and go out with dh and ds. Showering landed me on the couch being still so I wouldn't throw up. Hg definitely sucks!

[AnneCan]

I've planned a big family/friends barbeque dinner/get-together/party for after this baby comes. Okay, well I haven't actually done that much planning, but I'm really looking forward to it. I can't wait to just eat and be merry like a normal human being. My birthday is Aug 3, and I'm due July 22...so I'm banking on this baby being out already so I can enjoy something that day.