Hyperemesis Gravidarum Support and Research Forums

by **bucketlady** » Jul 10, 2011 1:15 pm

I don't know what to think anymore...

During pregnancy, I had a feeling that I could be depressed, but figured that considering I was spending 9 months in bed feeling like hell, it was just a natural feeling. I was on enough meds as it was, and speaking took too much energy. In short, I didn't deal with it, and assumed that as soon as the baby would be born, I'd be back to my old self, as had happened the previous 2 times. In fact, the other times, I was on such a superwoman high after, I was sure it would happen again....

Fast forward to now, my baby girl was born 2 months ago. I am just miserable. I am completely overwhelmed at the stupidest things, I don't feel like I am coping, and even when I am literally getting on with things, I feel empty and despairing. I#m constantly on the verge of tears. Everything is causing me to panic. I am looking after my baby ok, but whilst I'm not neglecting my older kids, I'm not being a very involved parent. Things I was looking forward to doing with them all pregnancy just feel like such hard work now. Even stupid things like reading my son a book feels like an effort.

That said, there is so much crazy stuff going on in my life now - unbelievable financial pressure, we just moved, crazy stuff going on, my marriage is very strained (we just started doing to couples therapy).... to name just a few of the stressors. I'm exhaustedm, I;'m dealing with medical consequences of HG eg massive dental work. What I'm trying to say is that whilst I feel like I'm falling apart, maybe I'm just reacting normally to a crazily stressful point in my life!

But now my husband just asked me today whether I thought I might have it. He was saying regardless of what's causing it, you are overwhelmed, panicked, anxious, irritable, depressed etc. He wants me to get help - speak to a dr, get meds if necessary, do whatever it takes to feel normal again.

I don;t know. I've just had enough, I want things to be normal again, I want to be back to my normal coping, reasonably happy self. But if its external things making me sad, what is going to change??

Please, please please share your thoughts or ideas. I've just had enough. I have noone to discuss it with, and I just want to run away and have all my problems disappear.

I'm turning to here b/c I know you were such an amazing support during HG, and I'm sure how I'm feeling is somewhat connected to the HG nightmare too.

Thanks

by ***Mel*** » Jul 10, 2011 4:57 pm

It's very hard to over come the hard ships of HG. People that haven't gone through it will NEVER truly understand it.

1. We can NEVER enjoy a pregnancy again or some of us will never.

2. The medical debt that puts a lot of us in. I'm still dealing with debt from almost 2 years ago.

3. None of your friends will ever understand how emotionally draining it is to go through HG.

I would go see your dr. if you are not Happy , or if you cry, want to run away etc. Just to see if your depressed or just overwhelmed. I have bad anixety and PTSD so I have to be on xanax to help me cope when things are just spiraling out of control.

Hope you get help quick, you could be falling into PPD , most women with hard and difficult pregnancies have a larger chance to get PPD then most women. I would see a dr.

by **Schatje** » Jul 10, 2011 5:06 pm

Becoming depressed during HG seems only natural to me too, but even though it may seem like a natural response it doesn't mean it isn't actual depression. Then having fits of the blues after the baby is born is normal due to hormone fluctuations, but when it lasts for long periods of time like this, it really is something more. Bottom line is that this is making you miserable, you are having difficulty functioning and that is more than enough to warrant a trip to the doctor for a serious discussion about postpartum depression. Your dh is right in saying that regardless of what is causing the trouble it is very real and you need to take care of yourself.

If you are still unsure take a look at this list of PPD symptoms. You mention a lot of symptoms of depression.

Not getting treatment can mean things go from bad to worse quickly. It can mean a longer time suffering for you and your family and you all deserve better than that right?

by **Schatje** » Jul 10, 2011 5:23 pm

I also want to mention that when you go to your doctor you should make sure they check you out to be sure that it isn't something else physical. Deficiencies in vitamins, such as vitamin D that can be checked with a simple blood test, could be causing or exacerbating symptoms of depression.

by **DivineLotus** » Jul 10, 2011 5:53 pm

I feel the same way. H and I are always fighting. So then I'm always crying. Any little thing sets me off. I don't wash dished, or clean, or buy food. On a good day I play w my baby and spend time w H. Otherr than that I feel alone. He's always complaining to me about his kids and that I'm such a bad person to them. I tell him I want to go to movies with him so when r they gonna pick up his kid bc we have no sitter... automaticaly his defense mechanism starts and says 'u should of thought of that before. You always want my kids to leave. Smart move to get rid of them.' So... here I am. Very hurt and numb. I'm constantly telling myself I hate my life. The only person in this world that needs me is my baby. No one else.

I'm tired all the time. Its really hard for me to sleep. I really feel exhausted with my life. I wish I never meet H. I wish I was never married. That butterfly feeling is long dead. I regret meeting him but I never regret having DH. She's the only reson why I stay with H. Other than that I would divorce him in a heart beat.

by **joy_g** » Jul 10, 2011 8:21 pm

finally! here is a topic about which i am an expert! having suffered from major clinical depressive episodes since i was 13, i can say without a doubt --
oh, goodness, yes you are depressed!

your body and hormonal systems have been shattered over the last year, and they need help! get help! don't wait any longer -- there is NO reason for you to suffer these feelings at that magnitude.

yes, it sounds like you are under extreme stress, and with the depletions of HG you're in no condition to deal with it.

there are an awful lot of good antidepressants available nowadays. don't wait! a general practitioner or your ob or a good psychiatrist can prescribe them, but don't stop pushing them until you've found something that works.

also, as a pp mentioned, you could have a vitamin D deficiency, anemia, thyroid imbalance, or something else contributing to this. advocate for yourself, get some bloodwork done, and get a referral for the help you need. you will feel better!

by **joy_g** » Jul 10, 2011 8:23 pm

and that's ditto for you, too, divinelotus. go see your doctor and don't accept wish-wash instead of help!

if you suspected you had diabetes, would you not get it checked out and get medication? for the sake of your babies, if not for yourselves, be as healthy as you can.

one more thing, and i'll get off my little soapbox here, i promise ...
in the title of your post you ask a good question -- is this a normal response to stress or is it depression?
i'd say depression is a totally reasonable response to all we've been through, wouldn't you? the problem comes when the stressful situation lasts so long that your body can no longer 'remember' its normal, resting state. it stays stressed out all the time, depleting our already limited energy and resources. when that happens in such an extreme way, we're allowed to go off the deep end for awhile. in other words, cut yourself as much slack as you need to get through this. sure, you don't want clinical depression to be your new normal, but don't beat yourself up because you can't "handle" this like you "should". who could?? get help. life will get better!

by **Gravid Puker** » Jul 18, 2011 10:07 pm

Maybe you have bipolar disorder? I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder because I was having feelings of sadness/depression after my HG pregnancy. Go get checked out. It's better to know than to feel depressed. Good luck!

Most likely it isn't anything medical. That would be pretty rare. Most doctors don't even bother checking out other things.

by **Schatje** » Jul 19, 2011 12:12 am

Gravid Puker wrote:Most likely it isn't anything medical. That would be pretty rare. Most doctors don't even bother checking out other things.

I've had some crappy and mean doctors in my past, but they have never not at least ordered labs. Something that I learned from HG is that you need to advocate for your own health so even if they don't automatically order labs you need to ask.

Vitamin D deficiency is actually very common in a lot of places. In fact, it was a contributing factor in my level of depression and treatment was important. It isn't rare where I live, but, even if it were, I don't believe in writing things off because it isn't common, especially as having HG isn't common itself.[/code]

by **butterfly** » Aug 12, 2011 3:30 pm

My therapist once told me it doesn't matter as much to determine if it is situation depression, regular depression or post-partum depression. If you are having these symptoms you need treatment.

Vitamin D deficiency is very common. It is also not rare post-partum to have thyroid problems and that can mimic depression. I would have those checked out in addition to being treated for depression. I highly recommend finding a GOOD therapist as well as taking medications. It has made a world of difference for me.

I was initially very wary to take any medications or see a therapist even though I was in a very bad state. Now, I wonder why I felt that way as it isn't such a big deal to have to take meds, it is a much bigger deal to suffer and risky as well.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum Support and Research Forums

Am I depressed or is this a normal response to stress?

Am I depressed or is this a normal response to stress?

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