I don't know what to think anymore...
During pregnancy, I had a feeling that I could be depressed, but figured that considering I was spending 9 months in bed feeling like hell, it was just a natural feeling. I was on enough meds as it was, and speaking took too much energy. In short, I didn't deal with it, and assumed that as soon as the baby would be born, I'd be back to my old self, as had happened the previous 2 times. In fact, the other times, I was on such a superwoman high after, I was sure it would happen again....
Fast forward to now, my baby girl was born 2 months ago. I am just miserable. I am completely overwhelmed at the stupidest things, I don't feel like I am coping, and even when I am literally getting on with things, I feel empty and despairing. I#m constantly on the verge of tears. Everything is causing me to panic. I am looking after my baby ok, but whilst I'm not neglecting my older kids, I'm not being a very involved parent. Things I was looking forward to doing with them all pregnancy just feel like such hard work now. Even stupid things like reading my son a book feels like an effort.
That said, there is so much crazy stuff going on in my life now - unbelievable financial pressure, we just moved, crazy stuff going on, my marriage is very strained (we just started doing to couples therapy).... to name just a few of the stressors. I'm exhaustedm, I;'m dealing with medical consequences of HG eg massive dental work. What I'm trying to say is that whilst I feel like I'm falling apart, maybe I'm just reacting normally to a crazily stressful point in my life!
But now my husband just asked me today whether I thought I might have it. He was saying regardless of what's causing it, you are overwhelmed, panicked, anxious, irritable, depressed etc. He wants me to get help - speak to a dr, get meds if necessary, do whatever it takes to feel normal again.
I don;t know. I've just had enough, I want things to be normal again, I want to be back to my normal coping, reasonably happy self. But if its external things making me sad, what is going to change??
Please, please please share your thoughts or ideas. I've just had enough. I have noone to discuss it with, and I just want to run away and have all my problems disappear.
I'm turning to here b/c I know you were such an amazing support during HG, and I'm sure how I'm feeling is somewhat connected to the HG nightmare too.