PPD??

[Brenda]

I plan on leaving the boards for a bit because I don't want to rain on anyone's parade. But before I do, I wanted to pick your brains. I don't know if any of you new moms will even read this board but I didn't want to bring down the third tri board. I was wondering if any of you were having a hard time emotionally. I did not go thru this with my dd. I feel like I am going to crack up and I can't control my emotions. I don't know if it's life or PPD.

Spencer has been having an awful time. I am bfing and everytime I feed him he screams in pain and arches his back and is just miserable for an hour after he eats. He seems very gassy too. I think maybe he has reflux. If I feed him and lay him down he is awful. I am burping him good too. This is draining me. I feel awful for him, I just cry. I have to call the ped. Monday.

Then there's DD. She is regressing. She has stopped potty training, is acting out and is mean to Spencer. I feel like she is possessed. This too makes me cry. I just can't control my dd anymore.

My mom has stopped staying here at night and DH is still working 7 nights a week and sleeps all day. I feel so alone and cannot stand it.

Then the icing on the cake..My dad who has been a PITA lately just sprung it on us that he sold his house and is coming to live with us for a month in a few weeks. DH is pissed beyond belief and I am so upset too. I am bfing and do not want my dad around all the time. It will stress me out. Plus he feels the need to disicipline my dd to an extreme and she literally dislikes him. She cries everytime he comes over. My dad is very pushy and will not give us our space. I just do NOT want him living here. But I cannot tell him no. He just keeps making it worse. Now he just called and told me he is storing all this stuff in our garage which we need for the christening. DH is going to spaz on me when he finds out. I am smack in the middle of my dad and DH. DH doesn't want him here and I can't tell my dad no. He does not talk to my brother and has no other family. Plus he gets off work at 3PM and has no friends so he will be here EVERY day at 3:05 and all day on the weekends.

I just feel so bad. I don't feel the bliss I thought I would after HG was over. I just feel so overall unhappy and depressed. I just feel like I am going to snap.

Anbody else feel this way??

Brenda

[emily]

Hi Brenda,

Wow, I am so sorry you have so much on your plate. It could be PPD, but honestly, geez, anyone would be totally stressed with all you have going on!!!

I really think you CAN tell your dad no. Really, you can. You need to. Sorry, but hon, you have to look after you, your children, your marriage AND then any other relatives. Your dad is beyond belief doing this to you right now. He can get a hotel room. Really, he can.

I think going from one to two is stressful for just about everyone. I know I am already worried about it. I am so tired of the hg but really concerned about having TWO kiddos. It really sounds like you need some help. Maybe there are some local new moms support groups around.

I am just so sorry you are so overwhelmed right now. I wish I was there to give you a hug and helping hand!!!!!

Emily

[meg]

(((Brenda))),

Don't pull away when you need help the most. I do this, too, and it helps no one. You aren't going to depress anyone that isn't depressed and you are going to deprive yourself of much needed support. I think Emily's idea about looking for local moms groups is a good one. I went to a family center when Anabel was a baby and met a great group of friends that are still are a large part of my "inner circle." It always helps to be around people going through the same stage of life. A lot of time, these groups meet at local hospitals or community centers. Sometimes, they even focus around different issues, like breastfeeding.

As far as the breastfeeding goes, I hope that the doctor can help clear up what is troubling Spencer. I replied to you earlier in the week that bfing was going well, but it's been all down hill since Friday and I'm not handling it well. I seem to have delayed engorgement - maybe to do with all that Reglan? - and I'm having to use warm compresses and express a lot of milk before every feeding just so Moira Grace can latch properly. She has a small latch and it's a struggle to get her latched on right and stay there, she pulls off after a minute or two and my efforts to hold her head and my breast are met with screaming. The left side is OK, but the right is a nightmare. Also, her "wakeful" period seems to fall between 1:30am and 5:00am. She nurses a lot, and although she's not fussy, she doesn't care to sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time during this period. I spend a lot of my night crying about the pain in my nipple from frequent latching, the pain in my breast from engorgement and just plain sleep deprivation. Then the morning comes and she sleeps for a stretch and I'm OK and think I can do this and the whole thing repeats itself come night time. I feel like a crazy person. So, yes, I can relate!

I agree with Emily, and I realize how much I am asking of you, but you need to tell your dad no. At the very least, you need to let your dh tell your dad no. That is not acceptable right now and frankly, it sounds like more than you can bear. Let dh be the "bad guy" if it's just too much for you, but please don't let your father live with you for a month if that is not something you want to do. Think of not letting him as a way of preserving your relationship rather than letting him down.

As far as Bella goes, I think her reaction is very typical, especially for her age. My nephew was a terror when his sister was born. My SIL actually feared for her safety with him around. They had to just really reinforce that the baby was part of their family and that they loved the baby and the baby was not leaving. They used a lot of positive reinforcement (and it wasn't easy, there wasn't much positive behavior at all!) and time outs to help him understand what was and wasn't tolerable behavior. And then magically, this too passed. Try to be patient and don't worry that this is a permanent personality change. As far as the regression in the potty training, if it is just wetting herself then provide her with clean, dry clothes and help her to clean herself, but leave the actual changing up to her. With poop, clean her up and then have her dress herself in clean, dry clothes. Act as neutral as possible. The less attention you give these incidents and the more you put them on her to correct, the less appeal they will hold and it will probably pass quickly. Anabel is acting up a bit these past few days, actually. Being mean to her brother and not listening to her father and I. Patrick is pretty weepy and having bad dreams and then coming to sleep with us. Change is so rough on kids and this is such a big change. They'll all adjust, though, and life with their new siblings will become the norm. It will get normal. It just takes time.

I'll be thinking of you whether you stick around or retreat, but I hope you'll stay and let us support you. Don't hesitate to e-mail me, either.

Love,

[Marie]

((((Brenda))))

Please don't leave the boards because you feel you may bring others down. When I read your post in the third tri folder I thought your problems were computer related, not life related. The board is designed so that we can support one another. Good or Bad.
I agree with Emily and Meg. Tell dad NO. Tell him that you love him, but right now your family and marriage need your attention.

Take Care,
Marie

[bibliojo]

(((Brenda)))

I totally feel for you right now. You've had major changes in your life and so many things going on at the same time when you should be resting and taking it easy. As for it being PPD or just baby blues...it's probably a little too early to be diagnosed with anything as you're still in time when baby blues are normal. But that said, and having had PPD myself...it does sound like PPD to me. That general out of control feeling, not being able to handle anything, feeling very overwhelmed and feeling like you just want to run away from your current life and start a new peaceful life elsewhere....oh I remember those horrible feelings all too well. My suggestions is to go to your doctor and explain how you are feeling. They can tell you whether this is normal baby blues or PPD. I'd also advise you to do it now! I waited 8 months before seeking help and I always wished that I went sooner because then I could have enjoyed my son's early months more. Your doctor can connect you with all sorts of resources. In my personal case, I got counselling through an agency that dealt only with reproductive issues. I also joined a support group of moms with PPD. This helped tremendously knowing that there were people out there who were going through what I was. Also I may add too, DON'T leave this group for fear of depressing us! LOL - we're already a bunch of depressed women! Studies have shown that there is a link between HG and PPD. Personally, I think HG was a HUGE contributing factor to my PPD. You have HG and your expectations for the end result are so much higher than if you didn't have HG. You go through so much to have your baby, you think it better be really worth it in the end and then when it isn't, it's a huge disappointment. So stick around please as we can totally understand and relate to the HG!

As for your father coming to stay with you...I really don't think that he should. But if you go to the doctor and I think the doctor will most likely advise you not to have him come live with you. You can then tell your dad that it is the doctor that has said don't come and then none of you will have to take the blame and your dad may more likely stay away on the advice of a doctor. Just a suggestion. I found that was one thing that worked really well for me when I had PPD. Just say that the doctor advises against it and people usually respect that. They also become more willing to help out and I think you need a lot of help and support right now.

If you want to chat further, please pm me!

Huge hugs,
Joanna

[teddi]

Brenda,

To answer your question. . . yes, I feel very much like you do. And it's been over 4 months, and I'm still struggling. The physical misery with HG is just so much, that somehow we forget all the other crap of life, and I did, think once it was over (the pregnancy) life would just be perfect. And then the end came and it was like the most degrading, frightening personal defeat.

I agree with the others- I'm really concerned about your father coming to live w/you and adding any more stress. What would it do to your marriage? Maybe if you can't say no, maybe can you dh "play the heavy" and do it?

About two months ago, I finally began to acknowledge that things weren't ok.. and it wasn't just my health and lingering sickness. I thought about retreating from the boards too, but I've stayed, for now. Anyway, I just want to let you know that it is hard and that it doesn't always get magically better. . . but it can and will in time I hope. And sometimes I struggle for any semblence of hope. And I know it's hard to ask for help, to admit the true thoughts running through your mind. It's shameful & embarassing sometimes.

If you do leave the boards, please don't go away without getting someone, please, someone to talk to - some support. You can talk to me at any time. Very precious little shocks me...LOL...and I can listen if you need someone to vent to.

[IslandDreamer]

(((Brenda)))

Don't leave because you think we will be brought down. Truly, there is not one of us around here who has a gilded view of pg and postpartum period.

I've had PPD three times...after miscarrying Jonathan and Hope, and after delivering Chris. Actually, with Chris I had PPD, PPAnxiety Disorder, PTSD, PPOCD, and psychotic episodes...no shocking me.

Here's a link to a self assessment that might help. http://www.pndsa.co.za/ms-fc.htm Right now, it might still be baby blues, but if it goes on for more than, say, three weeks, then it's likely PPD. Are you having panic attacks? Insomnia? If you are having any of the red line symptoms on the assessment, please get to an ER quickly. You don't have to feel awful and need medical attention. When you see a doctor and bring a copy of the assessment.

Remember: this is NOT your fault. You did NOT ask for or want this. You will get through this.

PM or email me if you need to. I'm a bit slow these days with reading since I'm sick, but I will respond for sure within a day or two.

Love,
Suzanne

[HGx3]

Brenda,
You are not bringing anyone down or raining on any parades. That is why we are here. If you feel depressed, post in the anxiety and depression folder and hash it out there........please .
It does sound like ppd, and sounds like you have a typical case, so try to hang on to the notion that it usually doesnt continue past 6 wks pp. If it does, we can address it then

Your description of dd's behavior is very familiar to me. After Lauryn was born, Matthew regressed back to baby like behavior. Anything Lauryn needed, he needed too. He loved her, but was jealous, and acted out. It was horrible. I felt guilt when I was smiling and kissing my sweet new baby in front of him, then he would do something awful, and I would yell or get onto him. I know in his mind he must have thought"Mommy loves the baby, but always yells at me" He has never been the same since her arrival, and I often feel bad for him I was an oldest child myself, and i remember wanting to be younger, like the siblings and cousins that followed. I hated being the oldest, so I am sure it is normal, but very difficult

About your Dad....If you cant handle him being there, i agree with everyone else, tell him no. Also, keep in mind, you may not feel so overwhelmed 2 weeks from now, esp if the ppd starts letting up, and that could make a huge difference in your outlook.

About the baby, gas is very common at this age. Now, your ped will probably tell you different, but I personally gave my babies mylicon as early as 2 weeks. That will help alot Give the drops BEFORE a feeding, then the baby will nurse comfortably, burp, and then sleep comfortably. Watch what you are eating as well, baby may be reacting to certain foods in your diet, and that can contribute to gas.

Hang in there. You are doing great. I am going to copy and paste a post from a year ago by me. Maybe you can relate to what I was saying for comfort purposes.

[HGx3]

Here is my post partum post from a year ago..................................

b
Hi there. I am one week postpartum today. I want to post about my recovery journey while it is still so real and fresh. This is my 3rd pg with severe hg.

This will be my first experience with severe ppd. I have been on effexor for depression during my last 2 pgs, but as i said, this is the first i have experienced severe depression after the birth. I cannot seem to get control of my emotions at times.....I become really weepy and cant stop crying. This turns in to a full blown anxiety or panic attack. My chest feels tight and I feel like i cant breathe, when i try to take a deep breath i just cant. When I try to drink, I feel like i am drowning. I still cant drink water. I have only been able to drink sprite or tea for most of this third pg, and I am still in that rut.

This is all so new for me, and I am very scared right now.My husband and I think that a lot of it has to do with how traumatic this pg was for me.I had to leave a Doc I really loved b/c she wouldnt take a proactive approach, I had a HHC company accuse me of abusing phenerghan of all things, and then tried to sue me for various medical supplies that they claimed i refused to return after cqancelling service, I had 2 infected picc lines, one infected infusion pump site, 6 hospitalizations and severe weakness and depression.

Usually, I have such a WONDERFUL birth experience. This time was a traumatic experience. I had to deliver at a hospital that I didnt like, I had a horrible nurse that failed to catch several signs that my baby was in posterior presentation, and she kept saying things like, she thought the cord was wrapped around his neck. At one point my blood pressure was 160 something over? and she said I was stroke level, not to mention, I had been having symptoms for up to 3 weeks that i told my ob about, and he just dismissed them.

I am upset b/c i feel like they could have caught it, and turned, him, but instead, we were both put at risk. He then had to spend 3 nights in the NICU, so after EVERYTHING I had been thru, I still did not have my baby yet. The bottom line is, my births are usually closure for me, however, this experience opened up new wounds for me to try to cope with.
The most amazing sadness I am feelinf though, is that I AM NOT PREGNANT! Does that even make any sense? I am also sad about my upcoming tubal, even though I am POSITIVE that I cannot do this ever again.

I will call my ob tomorrow to see what he suggests I do at this point about my ppd. I will try to almost journal this process so that it might help others going thru it.

I would love t o hear your thoughts and experiences!!!!
_________________

[Brenda]

You guys are just the most wonderful and caring people I know. I am just crying right now. (What doesn't make me cry these days?? LOL). Your support is just endless. How can a group of people I have never met face to face understand and support me more than people I have "known" all my life??

Thanks. I appreciate everything you guys said and I will take you up on your support offer. I just feel like I shouldn't be on this board whining when so many others are suffering from HG and I physically am fine now. But I also wonder what role HG had on this.

Emily - Thanks so much for your thoughts and caring words. Honestly (although after my 1st post, you may not believe me) having two kids was easier than I thought. If it wasn't for my daughter acting out, it wouldn't be half bad. Hopefully your little one will adjust much better than mine. The part that irritates me the most is that EVERY single person who has come to visit has showered her with gifts. I am not talking about a small book, I'm talking a TON. And she still acts like a brat and half the time I am torn between telling her she can't have the present if she acts out, but the other half doesn't want to seem rude to not let her have it after our family/friends took the time to pick it out. It's so tough. I thought I raised her so much better. I am just embarrassed she acts so ungrateful and bratty.

Meg - Thanks so much. I am sorry you are having more difficulty with Moira and breastfeeding. It breaks my heart to hear you are crying and having such a hard time at night. I pray things get better. Spencer has a latch issue to. He seemed to be alright but all of a sudden my nipples hurt so bad and I noticed that after he comes off the breast my nipples are compressed. (Sorry if TMI by the way). Plus with his extra gassiness I am wondering if I have a forceful letdown. I remember having it with dd and she did the same things to my nipples, I just don't remember too much about it, but I vaguely remember gassiness with her too. I also read online that taking vitamins could make reflux worse and since I didn't take any during PG I have been diligent about them now and since I stopped them he seems so much better and hasn't spit up as much.

As far as Bella, I am taking your advice and trying to be as calm as possible. I think she feeds off my anxiety. I have been trying to really compliment her good behavior (what little she does) and just continue her time outs. As far as potty training, I have put her back in diapers and if she wants to go, I just take off her diaper. Having her come to me every few hours and tell me she peed in her panties/pull-ups was way to much. Now I am just letting it go. If she goes great, if not I need to let it go. I am sorry that your kiddo's too are having a rough time. It has to be hard to see Patrick so upset and also having one more kiddo in your bed. My prayers are with you too.

Marie - Thanks for the thoughts. I just feel so bad taking up time & support when you and the others need it. I do pray for you guys all the time and just wish it could end for all of you so soon. I just can't wait to read the birth stories and know that you guys are done.

Joanna - I think your idea of counseling is a great idea. When DH is home more to watch the kiddos I think I will seek some. I am going to look for a PPD support group too. Maybe if I can talk to the leader it will help me decide if I need the group or not. It's just so hard. I have a few good days and then wham, I feel so upset and depressed. It's such a rollercoaster. I did not know there was a link between PPD and HG. I would have thought the opposite. I just feel like now that HG is gone, I shouldn't be feeling this sad state, I should be overjoyed to be HG free.

Teddi - Thanks so much. It's so nice for you to share your experience with me. You hit the nail on the head about HG being so much that you forget about "life's trials". I was so wrapped up in making it day by day that nothing else mattered and now I have to face life again. It's like you have a baby and wake up and now see the new challenges you have to face. I am sorry you are suffering too. Hopefully we can help each other get thru this. I guess I didn't realize there was anyone on the HG board with "kinda non-HG issues". Now I see that the support/problems don't end with delivery. HG seems to impact so much. I am here for you too!!

Suzanne - First of all CONGRATS!!! I don't know where/how I missed seeing that you were expecting again. Oh my gosh congrats!!! I feel bad that I was so self-absorbed that I didn't notice that. I am sorry you got HG again and I pray you cope much better. I am so sorry you had PPD with all three. That is just not fair. You went thru so much. Keep in mind that I am close by, should you need anything.

Lisa - Thanks for re-posting your post from last year. I don't feel so alone after reading all your experiences. Great advice on the gas drops. I tried it a few times and I wasn't sure if it was OK but since I read your posts I have been doing it every feeding and he is SOO much better and I can't believe how well he burps. It is also so comforting to hear from you guys that dd's behavior is somewhat normal and that maybe she is not possessed. LOL. I am glad to hear that the guilt I feel over loving Spencer in front of Bella is normal. I feel like I have to wait until she is in bed before I kiss and coddle him. I also didn't see the anxiety folder. Thanks for pointing me there.

Thank you all for taking the time to post and giving me the support. I guess I needed to be here more than I realized!!

As far as the "my dad" issue, I know I need to tell him he needs to make other arrangements, but I just can't. DH backs me up either way and I know he would be overjoyed if I told dad no. But on the other hand he tells me I can't tell my dad no because he knows what we will be up against and that my dad will never forgive me. I just feel helpless in the whole matter. If I tell him no and make myself and family happy, I run the risk of my dad never speaking to me again and feeling guilty. But if I let him stay here, it will put stress on me, Bella and my marriage. I am trying to think like a Christian and "do the right thing" but I often wonder what the cost will be. I just pray something comes up and he won't have to stay here. Then I feel really bad because I was telling one of my friends how upset I was and she told me I was being petty and selfish. She asked me if I needed to stay with my dad, would he let me and I know he would. So now I feel even more torn. I keep telling myself I am making a mountain out of a moehill, but it doesn't make it any better. I guess God won't give me more than I can handle???

Hugs to you all and I can't even BEGIN to thank you enough for your love and support. I wish I could see each and every one of you in person and give you a big hug and tell you thanks!!

Brenda

[meg]

Brenda,

I was so glad to read your post. I have been thinking about you so much. I think you'll be happy you decided to stick around. It seems that life after HG can be as difficult as life with HG.

I'm glad the bfing is going better. My engorgement has really improved in the last 24 hours and it is amazing how much better I am coping without that extra discomfort.

How is Bella doing? I hope I didn't seem like I was complaining to you when you're so down. I just wanted to tell you about my own kids' problems so you would know that Bella is not alone in her behavior. Patrick slept the night in his own bed last night - no nightmares - so I think he is feeling more secure. He told dh today, "Mommy doesn't have to live at the hospital anymore. She lives with us now." Now that I know what's bothering him, I think I'll be better able to reassure him. As for Anabel, well, I think some of her attitude has more to do with being a six-year-old girl than the new baby... we shall see!

I'm sorry you're still struggling over your decision about your dad. Shame on your friend for guilting you! How terribly unsupportive! I am keeping a good thought that whatever happens works out OK for all of you.

Don't be a stranger, I'd miss you too much!

[HGx3]

Brenda,
I am glad you feel a little better now. Hang in ther, this to shall pass......

Meg,

Just a tip for the engorgement. Place 2 washcloths in a crock pot on low. 15 min or so before you need to nurse, place the hot compresses on your breasts. It will help the milk to flow better and offer you more relief. Also. if you can feel a hard knot(milk duct) massage it and put pressure on it while nursing, that will help relieve the pain as well.

Hugs to you both. Remember, you both have come a long way on your hg journey, but now the normal postpartum issues are setting in, but it too is inly temporary. Each day that passes will get much easier.

[bibliojo]

Brenda,

That was my experience too -- being fine and all happy for a few days and then all of a sudden I would be severely depressed and not acting rational in the least. That's why I didn't think it was PPD and didn't seek help earlier. But to have PPD you don't have to be depressed all the time.

I'm SO glad that you have decided to stick around! We'd really miss you if you weren't around. I also think this is the best place for you to sort out all your postpartum issues in relation to HG. You can go to a PPD support group but you will more than likely won't find anybody there that has had HG. For me, I really wanted to talk to someone about having had HG, and therefore, I wasn't able to sort out a lot of issues myself until I found this site. The women here can understand you so well!

Brenda, I hope things get better for you soon. We're here for you whenever you need us!

Hugs,
Joanna

[teddi]

Brenda,

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. Are you still doing ok? Thinking about you.

[Janehh]

Brenda,
Miss you in the third tri folder, so I thought I'd try to find out how you're doing elsewhere...I'm so sorry things are so hard! I don't have anything to add to all the great suggestions for bfing and such, but I agree with everyone who said it really sounds like too much to have your dad come. In my humble opinion it isn't "unchristian" to do what is right for the 4 people in your family even if it is hard on one more. You need to take care of yourself and your family and it sounds like you know what you'd be getting yourself into, and it wouldn't be good! And if you find in a few weeks that things are ducky and you want your dad with you, you can always invite him then.
I hope you have a better day today. I know it must be hard to find time to do something nice for yourself, but try to if you can!
Hugs,
Jane

[meg]

Thinking of you, Brenda. I hope this are going OK.

Hugs,

[Brenda]

Hey Guys - Thanks for checking up on me and for all your support. I am doing OK. I seem to have good days and bad days yet. I finally broke down today and told DH I cannot handle everything anymore. At first he got defensive and told me it's not easy for him to work 7 days and I am getting what I want by being a SAHM. I counted to ten....(I wanted to rip his head off LOL) and explained to him that yes, I understand it's not easy on him and I get to stay home, but I cannot handle everything else. He is only awake and with us about 1-2 hours a day and is too tired to help me. Spencer has been eating every 2 hours and he lingers at the breast for an hour. So I literally have 1hour of free time between feeds. I cannot catch up on laundry, clean the house, eat, shower & all that stuff in between. Not to mention I am so tired I don't feel like doing a thing. Plus, I don't know if you guys are like me, but I let the house go to hell during HG. Yeah, the bathrooms & such were clean, but all the closets need to be re-done, our pantry is crazy. I can't find anything and boxes of food fall out when you open it. The fridge is so gross. I just need time to do all these little things. Then it seems like I just get the family room organized and somebody with kids visits and our house is like a tornado aftermath. I just told him how overwhelmed I am. He seemed to "get it".

Tomorrow is our anniv and he is taking then night off and my mom is watching the kids while we go out to dinner. Then I might have my mom give him a bottle and we may just hang out somewhere else for a while. I just have this awful guilt factor about giving him a bottle though. I did pump enough milk for it, but I just feel all weird about missing a feeding. But I doubt an hour is enough time for dinner, plus Spencer is cluster feeding at night so I am hoping by missing one feeding my milk supply won't go down. But, I am looking forward to that alone time.

So, by him being off Thurs. night he won't have to sleep daytime on Friday and I am going to have him help me get this house into shape and I am going to take a LONGGGGG shower. I can't wait. He is also going to take Mothers day night off. So, I get to have a good day Monday.

So...the moral to my novel (if you made it this far) is that things seem to be looking up.

The "dad" issue. I tried to hint to him a nice way that we are overwhelmed right now and kinda made it sound like DH was the one who was upset and I don't think he took the hint. He got all mad at me and such. He told me he'd sleep in his truck if it was that much trouble. Knowing I'd say it was OK. The people he bought the house from are paying him $45 a day rent so I just don't get why he doesn't get an appt or extended stay hotel. It's not like he doesn't have the money. Then my mom reminded me that my brother has a MIL cottage above his garage that nobody uses. If he stopped arguing with my Bro & SIL he could stay there. But....Now it's been 2-3 days since he's called me so he must be really pissed. Dh is happy and thinks maybe he is going to find a place now that he's avoiding us, but I doubt it.

Jane - Thanks. How are you holding up??? Is the nausea at least letting up so you can enjoy the last few days??

Meg - How's the little princess doing?? Is she nursing any better?? How are you recovering?? Are you doing OK physically and how are your emotions?? Are Patrick and Anabel adjusting any better?? I still am looking forward to meeting you at the Zoo this summer if you are still up for it. I just want to meet you and give you a great big hug!! I was telling DH about my plans and he gave me the whole you don't know this person, she could be a baby snatcher, maybe she was never even pregnant. I just laughed at him and said "You can't make up HG." To outsiders we are just "women who met on the net", I feel like HG bonds us to be sisters. I don't know what I would have done without all the support from these boards and the friends I have met.

Hugs
Brenda

[emily]

Brenda,

I was thinking of you today. I will get back to that later. You know, your dad sounds childish and manipulative. I am really sorry that you have a parent who acts this way. Tell him that Emily told him that if sleeping in his truck is the best he can do then good luck with that. But, if he wants to act like an adult, he should start checking hotel prices.

Anyhow, I got a pedicure today. It was such a splurge but I didn't care. IT felt wonderful!!! And now my toes are pretty too. My point here is that while I was sittting with toesies under the UV lights I saw a recent "People" magazine with Brook Shields talking about PPD. I read the article with such disbelief and sadness that she felt that way. At the end I said to my mom, I just can't believe anyone could ever feel that way. YIKES! As soon as it came out of my mouth I thought of all of the people who have told me that they just don't understand how I can be so sick and why can't I just pick myself up out of it and blah blah blah. PPD is just like HG. There is something WRONG. It is not your fault or anyone's fault. Your horomones are totally out of whack. You aren't doing anything to cause or perpetuate this. I hope this doesn't last too long for you but please, please see someone about it if it continues. It is just too much to ask yourself to magically feel better overnight.

Anyhow, I just wanted to know you are in my thoughts and please, let me know if I can do anything for you. And I mean that.

Emily

[meg]

Brenda,

I'm glad you had such a good talk with dh! It helps so much just to be understood. I know what you mean about your house being a wreck. I am normally very organized and I just feel like the house is out of control. My mom helped me with a few little projects on my better days the last trimester, but it just doesn't feel like "my" house yet. It's been so long since I've been in charge. In fact, a friend with three kids asked me how I was adjusting to three and I had to admit that I haven't "mommied" two kids for so long that mothering, cleaning, cooking, etc. all feels like I'm starting from scratch. There is no disruption to my usual routine because I just don't have one anymore.

The kids are good. I wish I could adjust so quickly. I think I felt entitled to having a perfect c/s, perfect breastfeeding, perfect everything after the HG ended... we all know that's not realistic. The breastfeeding is better - the engorgement seems to have passed - but I forgot how exhausting it is. Like Spencer, Moira Grace nurses every 2 hours and she is so slow... I'm anemic, too, so I'm still fighting that fatigue I so hoped would pass with the HG. Overall, things are going well. Dh is being great after a few rocky days when we got home from the hospital. The kids are happy for the most part. I am totally in love with my baby. We may even fall back into some semblence of normal life in the next few weeks - oh, how I look forward to that. I'm looking forward to the zoo, too! My dh also thinks I'm a little odd wanting to meet someone I "know nothing about" but I know a friend when I meet one - even over the computer.

OK, I'm going to stop babbling...

[Marie]

(((Brenda)))

I am happy that things are going better for you. I hope that you have a wonderful night out with dh, and get some relaxation time in for yourself.

Take Care,
Marie