Trying to stay strong

A place where partners, fathers, friends, and family members can discuss experiences and difficulties regarding loved ones' Hyperemesis.

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Trying to stay strong

Postby jpsloan » Jan 04, 2007 9:15 am

Hello. Brand new to the forum, just discovered it today. I was looking for advice and forums for HG... need it.

Our story so far:
We learned we were expecting around the second week of December. She was showing signs... fatigue and light nausea, and she was late. When we did the home test, we were very very surprised. In any event, her nausea was coming and going, but wasn't inordinately bad.

Until one week later (about the six week mark), when I had to take her to her Primary Care physician the day before we did the "doctor's trip" after the home test. We were sent to an OB, who fit us in between appointments. She was vomiting there in the office bathroom, it was getting so bad. He basically prescribed Zofran, and said her urine results looked ok.

The Zofran worked for a couple days, still had vomitting in the morning though. Then it became less effective. She visited the OB a week later as she had developed burst blood vessels on her eyeballs, and it looked alarming. The doctors were worried about her protein levels. When they tested her urine, they said they were worried about ketones, but just said to watch her weight and keep on with the Zofran.

We had an early OB appt. later, and did the first sonogram where we heard the heartbeat (it was becoming real to us at this point). Fast forward two miserable weeks of vomiting and fatigue and frustration... we drove down to visit relatives for the New Years weekend. She got very very ill while visiting. Thankfully, we had her mother there (the first time I had some help trying to take care of her). She helped a little, but I guess I was hoping for some kind of Super-Mommy-Magic to help with her feelings of dispondency.

During this visit, and one especially bad night, she said that the Zofran was making her so constipated, that she felt it was doing more harm than good. So, she stopped taking it. The next day, she had the first day ever without vomiting. I thought maybe we were onto something.

Wrong. We drove back home, and the first full day back, she almost didn't make it to work, much less through it. She went to the OB, who sent her across the street to the hospital. We endured a 2-1/2 hour waiting room, and 2 more hours until she got her IV.

They put 5 liters into her!!! She was very very dehydrated, though neither the OB nor the attending physician seemed to feel concerned over the baby. They gave her more Zofran, and prescribed her some Reglan. After a total of 10-1/2 hours in the ER, we went home finally. The doctor told her to stay on clear liquids with some simple carbohydrates, and gave us tips on how she can hopefully drink and keep down liquids.

This was two days ago. Unfortunately, she isn't drinking much, and she still isn't taking her full dose of the Zofran. This morning she's hit a new emotional low with work-related stress, and being sick in the car.

So that's where we are. The hardest parts for me have all been said in other threads... when she's being sick, I feel like I'm dying a little inside. I feel like I'm totally useless. Whenever I try to hold her hand or touch her reassuringly, I get batted away for causing more nausea, or she sits like a zombie. She isn't responding to what I say much anymore, she doesn't laugh or even smile anymore.

I'm feeling very emotionally drained right now, and trying to do EVERYTHING at home, plus fighting a losing battle keeping her sanity in check is murder.

And the real stressor is that she just got her job in October after a nearly year-long job search. She's technically still on her probationary three month period. Before the HG really got bad at the end of the year, we moved her to her office's insurance policy off of mine, to try to bring in more money in our paychecks. And though her office put her on their insurance, they technically haven't offered her a permanent employment offer, and she's been missing so much work from doctor's visits and just having to stay home. We're worried that her boss is going to decide that she's too much trouble, and won't hire her. And then she'll be without insurance, and I won't be able to bring her back onto mine until well after the baby's born. All of that is very very scary. Plus... if she loses her job, we won't be able to afford to have a child.

All of this has weighed on us both, but her especially (obviously). What scares me is how numb she has become emotionally. She's just continually telling me she can't do this, and how she is losing it. At this point, my encouragement sounds so hollow, and she just outrightly rebuffs any encouragement I can give her.

Sorry for all the emotional dumping, but there's not many people I can actually talk to. To all those other husbands out there, I definitely feel what you're going through. Let's all hope this passes quickly, and that our loved ones come through ok.
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Postby teddi » Jan 04, 2007 2:59 pm

I'm so sorry for everything you both are going to.

I hope I can offer you some good news firstly- that is- even if she loses her job and insurance- you can probably still add her to your insurance. Does your employer have 25 or more employees? REGARDLESS of your "open enrollement" there are COBRA (federal law defined) covered reasons why eligible dependents (babies, spouses, children) can be added at any time. Though your post didn't say if you two are husband and wife?

:arrow: HER losing her insurance is one of the protected reasons. So as long as COBRA law applies to your employer, she can be added.

What state are you in?

For her job- I recommend getting a Drs note that says she was ill from a pregnancy related illness for all the days she's missed since the HG started.

She may be able to qualify for disability unemployment if it is offered to her or short tem disability? Are either of those available to her?

Your wife's situation is very similar to what I went thru with my first. It started at 6 weeks- was shuffled around the Drs office- given oral Zofran that helped at first and then "wore off". It was just a matter of time before I was in the ER for fluids. And the one visit didn't "fix me" it just became a pattern of how many days before I had to go right back for more.

Time for more aggressive treatment.

Most common drug options:
Zofran
Reglan
Phenergan (can use all three in combination)

Buy some or get some Rx'd from her Dr- the UA (urinalysis) dipsticks- that way you can check her pee at home - check to see if she's passing keytones and/or her urine is concentrated.

If she is needing more than another couple or so rounds of IV fluids- then talk to her Dr about home health care- where they can set her up with IV's at home on a regular basis.

If she needs space- give it to her. Sometimes we moms are just stuck in misery and no meds and no drugs can really make that much of a difference- we are just little balls of misery. But- show her you care! A card, a letter, an email, a small gifts (doing those things on a regular basis). ASK what you can do. The answer might be "nothing" but that ASKING helps. Let her know she can talk to you. She may not want to (I remember distinctly NOT talking much at all because I had not one good or pleasant thing to say so I just kept mum). But offer to be there as much as you can. Keep a very open door. Ask about the practical help- does she want you to go w/her to Dr appts? Does the house need cleaning? That kind of stuff.

Make sure you shower at lot- BUT BE CAREFUL OF ANY PRODUCTS you put on your body (shampoo, conditioner, soap, even laundry detergent & toothpaste- NO colognes!). My husband would NOT listen to me- and he got shoved away! I normally have no sense of smell but when pregnant I am a BLOODHOUND and can smell the smallest hints of stuff. And that made me want to puke. So just ask her if there are personal hygenie things you can do (and maybe go buy unscented shampoo and deoderant). It sounds silly- but when my husband didn't listen to me and his breath was smelly or his body or I could smell his deoderant from the other room - it meant I coudln't be around him! It also made me ANGRY when I did very specifically ask him to do these things and he didn't (that said to me "I don't care").

Maybe she wants to come to these forums too, so suggest it to her if she feels up to it. Talking with other moms who have been thru it may help her feel less isolated, more understood, and hopeful that things will be ok.

Kudos to you for coming here for help.
Teddi
Bert , 3/2000 HG#1, wk 6 - birth, GB removed @ 16wks
Chloe & Kaylie, 12/2004 HG #2, wk 7 - birth, pre-E/pancreatitis
~Angel babe~ March 2012
~ Baby Chuckles~ July 2013
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Postby jpsloan » Jan 04, 2007 3:13 pm

Thanks for your comments, Teddi. It was good to hear that Zofran can "wear off", and that it isn't just some weird thing happening to us.

We are indeed married, and we live in the state of Maryland. My work employs fewer than 20 people. However, it might yet be possible that she can be added back. I suppose that depends on the specifics. Insurance has never made any kind of sense to me, anyways.

In retrospect, the job-related concerns seem somewhat exaggerated. I suppose in the swings of gloom we're having, things seem like they can't ever work, but I'm thinking things will.

The OB mentioned that they will evaluate a "permanent IV", or something to that effect, when she has her appointment tomorrow. One thing that's been good, the doctors all understand and appreciate her desire to remain active in the workforce.
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Postby krdoty » Jan 04, 2007 11:11 pm

I'm not in an emotional space to be able to provide much support right now. But I did want to let you know that I read your post and that I'll be thinking about you and your wife. Having your support will help your wife deal with the HG. I hope you'll keep posting here with updates and questions as you have them.
Kendra, M.W.F.E.
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Postby JPSmomma » Jan 05, 2007 1:09 am

You're doing the right thing by coming here. I wish that my husband had done that throughout both pregnancies.

One thing I hear from him a lot is that he needs some love and affection too, and he's not getting it. You'll feel that way if you don't already. Please know that your wife would love nothing more than to just be the person she was before HG. It makes the sweetest, most loving people turn into zombies, just like you said. When just the heat of my husband's hand on me makes me throw up, it's impossible to cuddle with him. Just remember that no matter what, she still loves you. It seems like an endless, hopeless road to travel. It's the hardest thing my husband and I have ever gone through, separately or together, but it does end. It feels like nothing less than an eternity while you're going through it, but nine months is not forever in the grand scheme of things.

Let your wife know that she is welcome to pm me. I, too, worked through severe HG with a one-hour commute in each direction. In addition, my career field is (was) Human Resources and Employee Benefits, so if you have any insurance questions, I'm happy to help. You need to know that if she does lose her insurance, you need to move quickly. You only have 31 days to add her back to yours. Let me know if you have any questions.

As far as advice.... Yes, the deodorant/cologne thing is huge! This sounds really stupid, but try not to burp or pass gas anywhere near her. Try to keep the toilet as clean as possible, so that when she has to throw up, she doesn't have to worry about prior "sprinkling." If she does think she can eat something, jump on it because it can change in a matter of minutes, especially in the beginning. No anti-nausea medicines worked for me, but I did get some relief just from IV fluids. See if they'll give her IV vitamins in her fluid bag when she gets them so that she won't have to take prenatals. (Actually, I've made it through two pregnancies without them.)

You have my prayers. You can do it. It'll be fine.
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Postby KSmith » Jan 05, 2007 3:23 pm

Your post was just so touching that I had to share and tell you that you are already on the right track.

As I have suffered through HG, I think that my husband has had an even harder time. I watch him and know that he must feel so completely helpless to make the situation better.

Some advice I can give (along with all my support and encouragement).
:arrow: For some people, the Zofran never works. I have tried it orally and through IV fluids and the vomiting has never let up. It is definitely just not a unique situation to your wife. There are other meds out there that you could try (Teddi listed most of them in her thread)
:arrow: Staying hydrated has been the key for me. I didn't realize this wasn't just regular pregnancy stuff until I was almost 6 months along, severely dehydrated and passing out regularly. After a hospital stay, I had a permenant IV line put in (there are a couple of different types out there), and I can now run fluid and nutrition directly into my veins. I still cannot hold down any solid food, but through the fluids and IV nutrition, I at least feel somewhat human.
:arrow: As far as emotional things are concerned, it sounds as though you are on the right track. Just letting her know how concerned you are about her is probably the best thing a husband can do. Make sure you tell her how much you love her, how much you admire her for going through this, and how much you are there for her. I know I wouldn't have made it this far without the help of my hubby. Perhaps check into some treatment options to combat the possible depression and anxiety that surround the condition .. .I'm not a great source of info on this, but some other ladies can fill you in on these meds
:arrow: Let her know that there are people out there who understand. When I first posted here at the end of Nov, I found a wealth of knowledge and support from ladies who were going through the same thing as me . . . and it made me feel less alone and less scared.

You and your wife will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please feel free to PM me if you need anything.

Kasee
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Samantha: born 2/13/07 HG: 6w-delivery

New Peanut: Due 12/7/10
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Postby MommyJD » Jan 06, 2007 8:57 pm

I'm using my wife's ID on here right now, but I can tell you that what you have been going through is very normal. With our first pregnancy it was tough for me to A: understand that she isn't overreacting to normal sickness, and B: there really isn't any way I can be a comfort.

This second time around we are using much more agressive treatment (PICC line, and a myriad of meds), and we have been able to understand when she just needs me to say nothing and hold her hand. OR NOT!
Julie wife to Joe, mom to Jake
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Postby jpsloan » Jan 09, 2007 4:28 pm

Thanks to everyone for their input, to let me know that I'm not the only one in this situation!

An update:

She was checked out on Friday prior to the weekend, and the doctor said her weight loss was about one pound from the "danger zone", and prescribed Phenargen for the weekend, to be taken with Zofran and Reglan. He gave her the weekend to try to combat the nausea, try to eat, and to rehydrate.

She managed to eat some pizza Friday night and Saturday, and even had an IHOP breakfast sampler on Sunday (I guess the phenargen worked!).

Monday morning, we go to the doctor to evaluate how she did, and whether he was going to admit her full-time to the hospital. Turns out she did not lose any more weight over the weekend, her ketones were decreased (but not gone), and her specific gravity was lower. So, he said that she was getting her head "above water"... but he didn't want her to slip back to the point where she was.

So he ordered her on two weeks total bedrest. She went to lay the news on her work. They told her that her job was not in jeopardy for a two week leave.

Next Saturday is the official beginning of her second trimester. Keeping our fingers crossed that this will improve soon!!!
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Postby krdoty » Jan 09, 2007 4:40 pm

So glad that you've finally gotten some good news! Funny how we view a package that includes bed rest as a good thing, isn't it?
Kendra, M.W.F.E.
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Postby teddi » Jan 09, 2007 11:51 pm

This is great to hear that she's made a little progress or is at least holding her own.

Do you have the urine dipsticks for use at home?

Sounds as if she can turn the corner now then she won't need a PICC (that semi-permanent IV line your Dr mentioned) and all that. I am wishing her all the "feel well" thoughts I have- BUT- do not be surprised if she has relapses. Those are pretty common. It's great to know she's almost done with the first trimester- that's usually the hardest one. Terrific she's not fired from her job.
Teddi
Bert , 3/2000 HG#1, wk 6 - birth, GB removed @ 16wks
Chloe & Kaylie, 12/2004 HG #2, wk 7 - birth, pre-E/pancreatitis
~Angel babe~ March 2012
~ Baby Chuckles~ July 2013
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Postby Kenderyl » Jan 10, 2007 12:26 am

Hello and welcome. I read through the past commentary and replies. It sounds like you may have a pretty good handle on things and even better, that your wife's physicians are taking this seriously. For some of us, it's a never-ending battle to simply be heard, much less respected.

I'm so glad you were able to find us. My fiance lingers here on occasion (Greywhisker is his board name) and I'm sure he'll be posting here soon as I read outloud some of your first post to him.

I know it's difficult to watch your wife go through this hardship but so far, it sounds like you're doing an excellent job in trying to support her needs. I think my best bit of advice for you is to hang in there, be strong for her (and yourself as best as you can), vent out frustrations as you need to so that the stress does not take over your ability to see things clearly, advocate for her when she is unable (or unwilling, as some of us are easily pushed around by our Dr's - especially when we are weak from the HG), and trust that once your little one is born, you'll know in your heart of hearts that despite the struggle, it was all worth it.

We're always just a "submit" button away. Of all the people in this world, you will find that we are all understanding, non-judgemental, and eager to let you bend our ears when you need to vent out frustrations or emotions.

*hugs* to both of you!
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Can you try adding unisom?

Postby hudsoncs » Jan 20, 2007 8:41 pm

While she can keep meds down, can you try adding 1 -25mg pill of Unisom and vit b-6 (about 25-50mg) at night? It is OVER THE COUNTER and CHEAP but don't get the extra strength, it's a different medicine! I'm 9 weeks along and have had days where I've thrown up 7 times with meds. I noticed a huge difference with Unisom. I've also taken (and am still taking on a rotaing bases) Phenergen, Reglan and "the big gun" (which only helps me for about 2-3 hours Zofran. I'm still trying to figure this all out but the onlything that helps me FEEL better (not just avoid the puking) is the Unisom.
I hope it helps!
Silvia
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Postby jpsloan » Jan 22, 2007 9:51 am

Quick update for you folks.

This weekend, the wife got to leave the house for the first time after two weeks of bedrest. She definitely seemed to be feeling better.

This morning, the doctor checked her out again, and cleared her to return to work with limited movement, and is taking her off the phenargen. After losing 19 lbs cumulatively last Monday, she gained back two pounds, and her ketosis seems to have stopped.

So, with continued luck, we might be looking at the light at the end of this tunnel.

Thanks once again for everyone's input. It really helped me feel stronger!
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Postby simplekelly » Jan 22, 2007 8:20 pm

that's good news! however, why is the dr taking her off the phenergen? if it's working then why stop it at this early point? don't hesitate to push to continue on meds that are working to control things. it's easy to spiral out of control again and it's a quick ride down and a long ride back up again. at any hint of regression, please consider starting those meds again and calling the dr.

hugs to your wife! and to you for being such a supportive dh!!
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Justin (6/13/03) NO MS!
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