Ready To Give Up

Moms with HG in their 1st trimester.

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Ready To Give Up

Postby afusbaby » Sep 25, 2016 11:32 pm

I have experienced HG in a previous pregnancy, and perhaps I was rather naive at the time or having been a decade younger I had the stamina to withstand HG but this second pregnancy has felt like it is *literally* ruining my life. I can not function. Sitting, standing, walking, talking, sleeping... everything is an inevitable challenge.

The last two weeks I had a few days of reprieve. I was able to eat without consequence and I thought "I AM CURED!" I accepted a job offer, started picking my daughter up from school again, and I even COOKED DINNER! I felt like I could take over the world.. Only for symptoms to return less than two days later. Now, my start date for this new job is tomorrow and I am writing this post through agony in tears because I have been nauseated all evening, feeling weak, spitting (severe ptyalism to make matters more interesting) and having my regular aversion to water or anything consumable.

I am only 11 weeks along and I feel like I just can not take this anymore. I have been speaking to my husband about an abortion and he continues to think I am just hormonal. He has been superman and a savior to our entire family but my guilt is insurmountable. He has so many delays in his work deadlines, he is sleep deprived and although he never ever complains I can clearly see that he is far beyond overwhelmed. Our bills are stacking up and I am beginning to feel incredibly depressed about not being able to consistently help provide in our household. I do not know what to do. I don't have medical insurance since I have not been able to work. I have been a *nightmare* to so many people (including strangers) since I am cranky and irritable beyond cure. I don't even know what hunger feels like anymore but the overwhelming feeling of faintness takes over and I know that I've missed yet another preventative step to help my comfort.

I truly just don't know what to do. Abortion is illegal in my state which means I would have to spend hundreds on airfare to a state that does it, then hope that after I've spent so much of our time and resources that I would actually go through with it and not regret it later. I feel like having one child is fine and I was just so unbelievably foolish to even risk getting pregnant again. I feel so helpless.

PLEASE HELP. I absolutely NEED support and thoughts, ideas, insight, advice.... Anything.
afusbaby
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Re: Ready To Give Up

Postby Beck_ » Sep 26, 2016 12:35 am

I am so sorry to hear what an absolutely rotten time you are having. I so wish there was something I could do to help. It's so disheartening and debilitating. And especially to have been teased with the hope that you had passed the worst only for it to hit again. I feel your pain and want to cry with you.
Please know you are not alone. We can support each other through this!
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Re: Ready To Give Up

Postby smatarazzo » Sep 30, 2016 10:49 am

I completely understand how you feel and no one can tell you the right decision for you. Though I hate admitting it now, I went through times of begging for my pregnancy to end and regretting getting pregnant in the first place. I thought death was better than what I was going through. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is such a feeling of alone and shame and pain and hopelessness.
All I can offer you is encouragement and support. This is an AWFUL time, but it is just a small chunk of your life. You've done it once so you know you can do it, we are all incredibly strong. I would speak to all parties involved, explain the situation to your new job and see what they can offer, talk to family and see if anyone can offer support, be 100% honest with your husband and get his thoughts. If you decide to push on, take it day by day. Try to find little wins!
Only you can make the decision. It's impossible to know what the future will hold either way.
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more! I'm in Chicago, but more than happy to help/support online if you aren't nearby and need someone to listen :)
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