How do I put into words?

The HER foundation contributed letters from our forums members for a show that featured Hyperemesis as a topic. The show aired in April of 2007.

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How do I put into words?

Postby dwtegli » Mar 04, 2007 12:47 am

Dear Dr. Phil,

How do I put into words how much your upcoming show on HG means to me? I don't think I can. When I found the old HUGS site roughly 3 years ago, I cried for hours when I realized that there were other women who went through hell while pregnant also. Not to mention that I finally had validation that it wasn't all in my head. Even my own mother thought it was all in my head. She finally started realizing how serious it was when I was hospitalized during my third pregancy. It took her long enough. My story is not as dramatic or as severe as most of the women on this site. However, it has impacted everyone in my family, including my extended family in so many ways. I have vowed to do everything I can to continue to love and support other women going through the hell that is HG for as long as I am able. If just one woman sees your show and finds the strength to fight for her and her baby to get the treatment she needs and deserves, it will be worth it.

Over 11 years ago I was a 23 year old soon-to-be divorcee. I had just started dating a man that I had been friends with for years. I soon found out that I was expecting his child. I was scared, and excited all at the same time. We were both fresh from bad marriages, and neither of us was anxious to jump back in, so we agreed to wait to be married. That pregnancy was hell. I can remember numerous times throwing up so much and so hard that I started throwing up blood. At that point, we would head off to the hospital for some lovely IV’s. Although I didn’t get to that point often, I was constantly miserable. I know I didn’t leave the house much the first few months. I was enrolled as a full time college student at the time and I ended up dropping all but two of my classes. The only reason I did not drop the remaining two is that my instructor wouldn’t let me drop and told me to just complete the work when I could at home and come in and take the tests whenever I was well enough. He was the greatest. I began to feel better around 20 weeks and was finally able to believe that someday it would end. I firmly believed that it was all in my head and that I just couldn’t handle pregnancy. I gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl at 38 ½ weeks. Three and a half months after she was born her father and I made the leap, and finally said our vows.

It took five long years for that pregnancy to fade enough in my mind to convince myself that it really wasn’t as bad as I remembered. I yearned for another child. We started somewhat trying at that point. After two years of trying, my doctor decided it was time to give us a little assistance. I was put on Clomid and we were successful the very first try. The day we found out, I cried in joy. Then I started planning. I warned my boss, my friends, everyone, that I was not a good pregnant person. I get very sick while pregnant. Everyone blew it off. Everyday at lunch I would go for a walk and I was eating right and taking my vitamins. That lasted about a month. It must have been around week 6 that I just was not able to do the walking anymore, much less take the vitamins. I would get up in the morning, have a session with the toilet, get cleaned up and go to work. Not going to work was not an option. I don’t know what I would have done if work had not had a small couch in the locker area of the restroom. I spent many a breaks lying down. I can remember lying in bed crying about how terrible of a mother I was because I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore. And that was my easy pregnancy. It resulted in a gorgeous baby girl at exactly 37 weeks.

We had two beautiful daughters and we agreed that two was enough. When I went for my 6 week post-partum check up my OB and I discussed having my tubes tied. I was just starting a new job and decided to postpone it for a few months until I was settled in. I figured it had taken so much to get pregnant with the last one, we had nothing to worry about. Little did I know.

Less than 9 months after our second daughter was born, I knew I was late. That was nothing unusual for me. Our 9 month old came down with the stomach flu a few days before we had tickets to a concert. I felt queasy all night at the concert and assumed that I was coming down with the same. I did have the thought in the back of my mind that it could be something more and I was terrified. By Tuesday of the following week when I was still feeling sick, I knew it was time to find out. I made the appointment for Thursday and my first worst fears had come true. I was going to have to go through it again. I was terrified. Having another child didn’t faze me, having another pregnancy scared the hell out of me.

I am not sure if this pregnancy was worse than the first or not. My husband says it was about the same. I don’t remember. I do know that at around 11 weeks I was vomiting so much that I called the OB. They said to come in right away for IV’s. As I was receiving IV’s in the clinic, as the doc came in to check on me, I started vomiting again. He admitted me immediately. I spent a day and a half in the hospital on IV’s. As soon as I was able to keep something down they sent me home. Two weeks later I was in the ER for IV’s. Two weeks after that, back into the clinic for IV’s. At this point I had missed so much work I was terrified of losing my job. I was trying to find a way that I could take a leave until I was feeling better. We depended on my income too much to even consider it, but I was certainly too ill to continue working. I worked for a CPA and on April 14, he made the decision for me. He terminated me. In paperwork from my claim for unemployment he commented that I had been conveniently absent from work on Mondays and Fridays. Apparently I should have timed my vomiting episodes for the middle of the week. Two days before my termination from work I found the HUGS site on the internet after seeing the word Hyperemesis on my paperwork from the ER. I was ecstatic that I wasn’t alone. It wasn’t all in my head! You have no idea how great it feels to finally realize that you are not alone in the hell that is HG. That site and the HER site (which was started right around this time) saved mine and my son’s life. Without them I don’t know if we both would have made it. My HG was no where near as severe as most of the women on this site, but it terrifies me to think of how bad it could have gotten had my doctor not tried everything to stop it in its tracks at the first signs. If I hadn’t been told to come in immediately, I have no way of knowing how bad it could have gotten. The ‘what ifs’ scare me to death.

To this day my wonderful husband and I are still trying to dig ourselves out of the financial hole left when I lost my job. I thank God that we had parents who were financially able to help us out or we would be in a lot worse shape. However, we do have three beautiful children whom we love with all our hearts. I wouldn’t trade a thing for any of them. Despite the hell to get them here, I can’t imagine life without them.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing the world about this horrible disease.

Wendy
Mother of 3
Business Manager
Assistant Administrator for HER Foundation Website
Wendy,
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There's no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. ~ Jill Churchill
dwtegli
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Postby C&G'sMommy » Mar 04, 2007 11:11 am

Thanks for sharing your story Wendy :hugs:
I know how hard it must have been for you to write it.
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~Caiden Nicholas~ - Lost 7/26/06 (Forever 17 Weeks)
Gabbriela Cadence - 6/22/07
~Taylor Blakely~ - Lost 10/3/07
C&G'sMommy
Master of HG
 
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Joined: May 08, 2006 4:04 pm


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