Desolation

The HER foundation contributed letters from our forums members for a show that featured Hyperemesis as a topic. The show aired in April of 2007.

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Desolation

Postby anji » Feb 28, 2007 1:54 am

HG is:

being so thirsty and dehydrated that your tongue is fuzzy and stuck to the roof of your mouth, but you don't drink anything because you will vomit it back up in seconds.

being hungry beyond stomach pangs; your stomach is churning from acids and your limbs have no more energy to tremble with weakness, but you cannot eat, because the thought of food makes you dry heave. Your DH forces you to eat, and you do it slowly, and you hope and pray that it stays down. Sometimes, you vomit it all up immediately. But, other times, you think you're safe, but NINE hours later, you projectile vomit EVERYTHING you've eaten or drunk ALL day and it hasn't been digested even partially (you know because your face is in the bucket for 10 minutes). Then, you have to start all over to put some calories down...
You are miserable and hopeless because you are trying to eat to save your own life, but your body won't cooperate.

being 5'6" and going from 124 to 107 lbs in 5 weeks.

salivating nonstop like a dog on a hot day. You can't swallow the saliva because swallowing makes you vomit, so you spit repeatedly into tissues or a bucket. With every spit, you think bitterly about how dehydrated you already are, and how stupid it is that you have to keep spitting out the last droplets of moisture in your body.

losing 1 pound a day, every day until your OB admits you to the hospital for tube feeding.

having a horrible taste in your mouth all the time (from dehydration? Smells of stomach acids? Bile leftovers from your last vomit?) but you can't eat or drink anything to flush it out. The taste makes you vomit.

dying for your DHs company and for a snuggle, but his scent, which you previously loved, makes you vomit.

feeling so nauseous every moment of every day that you are literally waiting for the heaving to relieve your nausea. If you're not vomiting at the moment, you feel like you are going to vomit shortly, or you have just finished vomiting. But even when you finish vomiting, you are still heaving, your whole body is convulsing and you want to cry because you have nothing left to vomit, but your body is still exerting energy.

being so dehydrated that your hands and feet sweat constantly. This is a cruel oxymoron because even as you cannot drink anything to hydrate yourself, your body continuously pumps out perspiration.

lying in bed 24/7 for weeks or even months and no energy to hold a telephone or speak to anybody. But you are so, so lonely from being in your bedroom for months in a row. You are SO lonely that you wonder if your DH has forgotten about you and whether he will leave you for a more functional wife.

reeking of your own stench because the exertion of taking a shower makes you vomit. You resort to sitting on a plastic chair when you shower. Once every 5 days.

still needing to dry your hair after the after-shower vomit. But you're so tired that you can barely sit up. So you take a pair of desk scissors and haphazardly chop off your waist long hair that you've kept for over 15 years.

wondering if you will ever have your life back. By life, I don't mean skydiving and rockclimbing. I mean grocery shopping and eating a meal at an actual dining table with your DH and living 1 day without vomiting.

not being able to brush your teeth for months because sticking a toothbrush in your mouth makes you vomit.

getting up to urinate only once or twice a day. This activity also results in vomiting from exhaustion.

walking up the stairs takes 15 minutes draped over DH's shoulders. This also results in vomiting.

being the only woman in your OB's waiting room with a barf bucket. And actually using it.

wishing you were dead or in a coma, but you cannot achieve either, because of guilt or lack of a gun.

all this, and you cannot cry because you're already deathly dehydrated.
"I'm growing another family member. What's your superpower, DH?"

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JJ 11/22/06
Angel Baby August 2009
anji
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AWWW!

Postby Caitlin's mom » Mar 02, 2007 3:30 pm

You have the cutest baby in the whole world!!!

Big xxxxxxxxs and oooooooos

Bridget
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Postby stephensmam » Mar 02, 2007 3:53 pm

absoulatly spot on, i agree with everything you have said and like every women here can remember everything you said and yes i agree your baby is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
lots of love and hugs Jacqueline
HG pg no 1 28/04/98 darling son Stephen ivs only,pnd
HG pg no 2 01/09/04 darling daughter Sarah ivs , zofran, steroids, meclizine, b6.http://lilypie.com/Kids_Birthday_code.p ... y_code.php#
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Postby anji » Mar 05, 2007 8:27 pm

Oh, I am so, so flattered :D

I was gushing about what you said to DH when he came home and he mocked me. :evil: Well, if you're at home all day with your baby and no one to talk to, it's exciting to have people cyber-cooing over your baby!
"I'm growing another family member. What's your superpower, DH?"

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JJ 11/22/06
Angel Baby August 2009
anji
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Posts: 571
Joined: May 08, 2006 12:14 am

Postby Irene » Mar 06, 2007 4:19 am

I agree! SO spot on! Every word of it! And what an adorable, beautyful baby you have. I just want to snuggle her! You deserve having such a beauty after all you went through! :hugs:
Emily Ann 05-2004 Severe HG
Baby Angel 19.07.09. HG
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Postby stephensmam » Mar 06, 2007 5:25 am

Thats men for you my DH would be the same, they dont understand the frendships you can make , even if it is over the internet and think God for it , because its been my saviour as i to am at home all day and it can get very lonly so its great to have an outlet.
hugs and love to you :hugs:
lots of love and hugs Jacqueline
HG pg no 1 28/04/98 darling son Stephen ivs only,pnd
HG pg no 2 01/09/04 darling daughter Sarah ivs , zofran, steroids, meclizine, b6.http://lilypie.com/Kids_Birthday_code.p ... y_code.php#
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Postby nataliesmom » Mar 06, 2007 5:05 pm

Your post could have been describing me. Thanks for taking the time to write it.
Amanda
Natalie 1/12/04
Emery 11/2/07
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Postby NoMoreHG » Mar 06, 2007 8:24 pm

I can completely relate. Much of what you said brings back some troublesome memories that I have been working so hard to forget. I so do not miss HG at all! Thanks for describing my nightmare so well.

PS - You sure have a sweetie. She's adorable.
HG Survivor Two Times Over
Emily ~ Born Nov. 2002
Luke ~ Born May 2006
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Postby catsandfrogs » Mar 07, 2007 7:17 pm

Very well written...

so true! Thanks for sharing

Shannon
Shannon

dd#1 - 8 years old
dd#2 - 4 years old

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