List your losses

The HER Foundation presented a Congressional Briefing on Sept. 28, 2005.

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List your losses

Postby Ivydragon » Sep 12, 2005 8:45 pm

I knew I'd forgotten to add another topic - been bugging me all weekend!

We need to have a list of all of the losses you can think of relating to HG. Work, $, friendships, trust in Drs., favorite foods, anything.

I'm not sure all of you can edit a list like I can, so just add your own post. Feel free to make it as long as you can imagine and to come back and add to it - but add it to the end of the strain, so we can keep track of it. We want to make sure we're covering all of the losses HG creates.

It'll surprise you how long the list is. I'll let you all go first.

Andy
Last edited by Ivydragon on Sep 13, 2005 2:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby dwtegli » Sep 13, 2005 12:37 pm

Are you asking only about miscarriages, or all types of losses? ie, jobs, money, relationships, etc.
Wendy,
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Postby Ivydragon » Sep 13, 2005 2:21 pm

I forgot to specify - I edited my first post above! Thanks Wendy!
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby RebeccaM » Sep 13, 2005 2:38 pm

-the chance to have a large family

-taste for bananas

-muscle tone

-lots of money

-tooth enamel

-newly wed bliss (dd was a honeymoon baby :oops: )

-12 months of my life (between 2 pregnancies)

-4 months of my daughters life
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Postby BrandiJK » Sep 13, 2005 2:52 pm

-my personal life
-my self esteem
-my trust in my body as a woman
-my trust in the medical profession to care for me with out a fight
-personal intimacy with my husband
-hugs from my children
-laughter
-money
-ability to care for my children
-ability to run my household
-patience
-ability to eat, some foods I can never attempt again
-ability to drink water or almost any other fluid
-my fear of needles :lol:
-joy of pregnancy
-friends who do not understand
-energy
-savings account
-college (had to drop out)
-muscle
-weight (30 lbs. in 16 weeks)

That's all I can think of right now.
The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child.
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Postby Jolene » Sep 13, 2005 2:55 pm

I have lost:

*Freedom - to go and do whatever I want whenever I want instead of planning every little thing around if I will be well enough.

*Being a part of the elementary school I was working in. I am now on LT disability and have been since February.

*Getting the chance to fix up - paint and decorate - our first home. My MIL did all of it!

*Having a "fluffy" pregnancy with my husband. This is our first child together.

*Eight months of my life. Bedridden, sick and unable to live normally.

*Spending the summer having fun with my kids. We went NOWHERE!

*The chance to have more children. I could never go through this again.

*Our new puppy! I wasn't able to care for him while I was so sick.

I am sure there are more, but can't think of them now.
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Postby dwtegli » Sep 13, 2005 3:26 pm

My job

My Self-Esteem

My life for 5 months

My 1-year-old daughter preferring my husband to me because I could no longer take care of her, and when she wanted me, I just couldn't do anything for her.

The ability to take care of my kids for 5 months

The ability to take care of my house. (My house is still a mess, and it's
been a year since Cole was born.)

The chance to actually be at my brother's wedding in Lake Tahoe.

Had to drop out of school (going for Bachelor's degree)

Any chance of ever being able to carry a child for my brother (would LOVE to do this, but of course, CAN'T)

My relationship with my sister (is still fairly good, but she said some things while I was pregnant that I am finding it hard to live with).

Over $30,000 worth of medical bills, daycare costs, and lost wages.

Damaged relationships with countless others due to comments made or attitudes needing adjustment (including my father).

That is all I can think of right now, I know there are more, I just can't come up with them right now
Wendy,
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Postby HelenA » Sep 13, 2005 4:16 pm

Hmmmmm,, Where do I start... I guess the beginning would be good.

1. My independence

2. My sense of worth

3. My wages

4. Respect for my care givers

5. The ability to care for my dogs. (Luckily my mum cared for them)

6. The chance to enjoy a happy pregnancy (don't wish to be a fluffy but would have liked to be able to do SOMETHING during the whole pregnancy.

7. My sense of humour

8. My fave food of duck and pancakes

I'm sure the list could go on, but I've hit a blank!!
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Postby Ivydragon » Sep 14, 2005 11:01 am

I really thought about writing my speech from the angle of losing "rights", so here's my list in that vein of thinking.

I lost the right to
eat
drink water
receive adequate medical care
be presumed sane until proven otherwise
be taken seriously
work
socialize
bear children as many times as I want
a drug-free pregnancy
go to church
eat healthy for my baby
a great sex life for 26 months of my marriage
grocery shop
shop for baby clothes
read
leave my home without medication in my pocket
eat fiber
be naive
be compassionate when my kids have the flu
bathe myself
enjoy holidays
clean my home
trust medical professionals
care for my own son for 6 weeks
be excited one day to become a grandma
be excited for my friends to get pregnant
enjoy the seasons changing
exercize while pregnant
take prenatal vitamins
help pick out a new car for our family
cry

Ok - I'm braindead. I know others have had problems with bladder control while vomiting, and horrible constipation - gotta list those.

Andy
Last edited by Ivydragon on Sep 15, 2005 12:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby mommy_bug2 » Sep 14, 2005 3:06 pm

hmm, what have I lost? This could be long, but I will start with what I can thin of right now. I am sure I will repeat some of what others have said.

1. Joy of sex with dh (fear of pregnancy)
2. Summer with my children
3. cravings for many of the food I love
4. my patience, I am much more short-tempered with my children than I should be due to how I feel that day
5.the ability to ever be a surrogate for my sister (I absolutely cannot do this again)
6. the ability to leave my home without a bucket or bag handy (during pregnancies)
7. prepare dinners for my family
8. eat with my family
9. adequate prenatal care (cannot tolerate prenatal vitamins, dairy, well-balanced diet)
10. bladder control (while vomiting)
11. a mouth full of healthy strong teeth (my enamel is worn thin)
12. a headache free day
13. normal complexion (burst blood vessels in my eyes and face)
14. ability to cough without feeling the urge to vomit
15. weight (of course, different for all my pregnancies)
16. the opportunity to ever be a fluffy bunny
17. my job (1st pregnancy, then became a stay at home mommy)

The list could go on and on....... But I feel this is adequate for now.

Marjie
3xhg survivor Destiny Morgan 4 & Talen Arron 3 & Ivy Grace 16 months

HG FREE FOREVER!!!!
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Postby mommy_bug2 » Sep 14, 2005 3:20 pm

I thought of one more I really felt I should add as I feel it is very important.


18. THE ABILITY TO SHOW MY DAUGHTER AND SON HOW JOYFUL A PREGNANCY IS.... (all they have seen could be scary to them)




Marjie
3xhg survivor Destiny Morgan 4 & Talen Arron 3 & Ivy Grace 16 months

HG FREE FOREVER!!!!
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Postby IslandDreamer » Sep 15, 2005 7:09 pm

Glad to see your post, Andy. I've been thinking of posting the same thing, but the start of school has been NUTS. I'm guessing child loss is counted in different stats on the survey, but three m/cs here.

1. Lost all social outtings in summer 2004 and 2005.
2. Lost income through the loss of a possible book contract. I had an editor interested in 2004, and then I got HG. I came back to her in early 2005, and she was agreeable to working together again. But then I got HG again. Think that bridge is burned.
3. Lost out on an ALL EXPENSES paid trip to Cabo San Lucas, to stay at the Los Palmos when dh earned this wonderful 5 day vacation in 2004. BIL went in my place on the free romantic vacation :roll: . I still feel resentful toward BIL for "taking" my trip, even though he didn't. Can't go to Mexico with severe HG.
4. Lost time with family...haven't been to New England in two years because of HG and the long lasting impact.
5. Lost out on the opportunity to ever enjoy the short time I had with Hope. I resented and hated her the whole time because of HG, and then she was gone. Never ever to know my love on earth. I think that is the worst loss due to HG.
6. So much of what is listed applies to me, too. I definitely couldn't parent my living child during HG. I still can't get too close to my dh or I feel ill from scent. I can't even prepare a normal meal and eat with my family. Everything is impacted.
Last edited by IslandDreamer on Sep 16, 2005 10:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby mammaclare » Sep 15, 2005 11:29 pm

Among a LONG list of other things, including many of the above, the biggest and most profound loss I have is this:

In one fell swoop, with one devastating and debilitating disease, I lost my ENTIRE vision of what the rest of my life and family would be like.

The definitely the 3rd child, and perhaps even the 2nd, that was in our life plan, will not exist due to HG. To me that is the quintessential loss.
Clare
Mommy to Rory Benjamin 8-28-03
And Kieran Alexander 12-15-06
HG Babies-Week 5 to The Bitter End!
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Postby jjbeck » Sep 16, 2005 4:18 pm

Ok, here goes.... deep breath....

* a baby
* the ability to have lots of children
* a great deal of sleep
* a period of lost sanity ( w/o a doubt I blame reglan and severe sleep deprivation both of course from HG)
* the ability to to assume my healthcare professionals are looking out for my best interest health and safety wise... instead I now assume they will do what is best for them legally and financially first
* great deal of money
* brain function
* lost lots of wt w/ the 1st
* lost faith in myself that I could heal w/o meds
* ability to have a normal bm for a good long time w/o pain and bleeding
* lost the ability to be my own advocate while I was sick
* ability for me to take care of my DH when his father past away
Jen 34
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DH Bob
DD Ava 4/04
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Postby teddi » Sep 17, 2005 12:57 am

you know... something I am doing for the ... for my therapy for my "birth" experience w/the girls. I hate saying that. There was no birth. There was a traumatic surgery but there was no birth not for me.

I digress. My point is that I am working on a list of 10 thing I got from that experience. I am up to 3. The CHILD/REN does not count (or is counted as #11). I wonder if it would be helpful for HGers to start working on our own personal lists.


I know I lost:

My health for 20 months
My joy and mental health for ???? months
A job
My ability to enjoy the post partum period due to overwhelming physical exhuastion (from the HG)
My ability to work for 2 + years
My ability to be a mom for 8 months
My ability to be a equal partner to my husband for 2+ years
My ability to have sexual intimacy w/my husband for 20 months
Any trust or faith I had in physicians or "modern medicine"
My trust in my body
My self esteem
My faith for a little while
My sense of who I was
My sense control over my life
The number of children I want to have
My faith in my family & DH to come thru for me
My ability to hunger and thirst and experience physical enjoyment
My wedding day =(
My honeymoon
My first "big vacation" (Washington DC that I've always wanted to go to)
My 5th anniversary, holidays, my son's 5th Christmas
Teddi
Bert , 3/2000 HG#1, wk 6 - birth, GB removed @ 16wks
Chloe & Kaylie, 12/2004 HG #2, wk 7 - birth, pre-E/pancreatitis
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~ Baby Chuckles~ July 2013
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