To the daddies--a request from a mommy

A place where partners, fathers, friends, and family members can discuss experiences and difficulties regarding loved ones' Hyperemesis.

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To the daddies--a request from a mommy

Postby mammaclare » Apr 18, 2006 11:34 am

Hello! My name is Clare and I am one of the moderators for a couple boards here. I am an HG survivor. along with my husband of course, and we have a gorgeous and brilliant 2.5 year old to show for it. We found out this past weekend that we are expecting our second. It, like the first, was planned and very much wanted. In fact with both, we were blessed enough to get pregnant the first month of trying.

I say blessed, because we are, but I would venture to say that my DH would have preferred a few more months of "trying" (if you knwo what I mean!) before the two lines... :lol:

In my first pregnancy, we got pregnant 6 weeks after getting married (seems like a theme here) and I was sick 9 days later. I get marginally better in the mid/late 2nd trimester but was on meds and still had very bad days until delivery.

Despite having known and dated each other for 5 years before the marriage, I was shocked, hurt and devastated to realize at that worst moment of mine that my husband deals with stress and fear by executing a full retreat. He spent all his time at home away in our home office playing games and dinking around on eBay, or golfing. I have never been so lonely in my life.

When we decided to have #2, I let him know that the only way I could do this again was with him PRESENT...and by that I meant spending time in the same room as me, even when I can't talk for fear of puking if I opened my mouth, I meant learning the signs of a bad day instead of always asking how I felt (as if it ever changed), I meant doing things like talking to the baby so I could feel connected through him, if not by myself, to that little life that was so wanted and planned for and yet so despised because of the horror it caused me. I meant a lot of things when I said he needed to be present. I think that he "gets it" but I am not sure.

I asked him if he would at least promise to spend some time periodically reading on this site and posting when he felt like it, especially in the Dad's forum.

So, I am writing here to ask that if and when he posts to please give him all the support you can...and also keep posting all the eloquent and loving posts that I have just read. He isn't the most prolific writer, and doesn't check for spelling/grammar/etc despite having a Masters' degree...but he is very smart. He is also very loving to me, and I hope that with some support and input from other dads of HG mommas that he can find some ways to be loving to a constant puker/crier/whiner...

His name is Steve, and he is the best daddy in the world, and mostly a great husband too. I hope he does come here, and if so that he read this (Hi Honey--I love you!) post and know that I am doing everything I can to help him understand what I need from him. I really believe he wants to be a better supporter than the first time around, so please help him out...there seem to be some wonderfully caring and supportive husbands and parters here and I hope that he can join you all.

Thanks in advance for welcoming my husband...and thank you from the bottom of my heart (and those of all HG mommas everywhere) for being so amazing and supportive when you must feel so scared yourselves!!
Mommy to Rory Benjamin 8-28-03
And Kieran Alexander 12-15-06
HG Babies-Week 5 to The Bitter End!
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