a mom feeling helpless

A place where partners, fathers, friends, and family members can discuss experiences and difficulties regarding loved ones' Hyperemesis.

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a mom feeling helpless

Postby Jeanne Garvey » Jan 29, 2008 10:44 am

I flew from Boston to South Bend, Indiana to be with my daughter on Sunday, and spent Monday bathing her, shopping for her, cleaning the house, learning the IV and Zofran pump routine, and felt like everything was going to be ok because superwoman had arrived and was going to make everything ok...last night, I watched as she dry heaved repeatedly over the wastebasket, and this morning I can't stop crying. It is so very hard to watch MY BABY suffer like this. The Helpher web site has been incredibly helpful, but I can't seem to get my daughter interested. I think she feels too sick to really care, and probably also can't face the thought that this may last her whole pregnancy. She is just 12 weeks along. This is her third pregnancy, and she has been sick with all three, but this time is the worst. She thinks she has tried EVERYTHING and nothing will help....I hope that's not true. We have a call in to her doctor, who is very nice to say that even with the IV and the ZOFRAN pump, she is still feeling incredibly nauseaus, and wiped out. She ate a little something this morning, which so far has stayed down, but isn't talking much, and she seems so far away and depressed. Anyway, I will stay plugged in to this website, and keep reading to see if I can't find some suggestions that she hasn't already tried. I'm desperate.
Jeanne
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Postby mmichelle » Jan 29, 2008 12:06 pm

There are a lot of other meds out there that can be tried. Have you looked at the meds folder? For me zofran alone did not work. I had zofran, ativan, and benedryl. Then it made it tollerable. You are doing a great job being there for your daughter! My mom stayed by my side through my whole pregnancy with my daughter. She said it was one of the toughest things she has ever had to do. If your daughter feels like talking at all I would be more than happy to give her a call. I am in California but I do have free long distance. Hang in there! Maybe you can print out some information from the site for her and leave it beside her bed so she can read it when she is ready. Sometimes looking at the computer screen with the glare etc is too much. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for either of you.
Mer

DS 4/5/04
DD 5/25/07
DS 8/8/10
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Postby Atsie » Jan 29, 2008 12:30 pm

I am glad you found us. First I w nt to say how lucky your Daughter is to have you. Not everyone wants to join the foums while pg. And some can't even read the computer screen or sit up long enough! And we have had a few moms and an aunt I belive, talk with us and gain support from us that way. You need the support to. What you are doing is so hard to see. I dread my girls being old enough to have kids.

There are a number of meds to be tried. http://www.helpher.org/mothers/treatmen ... ations.php is a link to our list of medications commonly used.
Has your Daughter only been on IV Zofran? The vast majority find a cocktail to be most effective.

Also, if your Daughter is up to phone calls, there are a number of us who would be willing to call and chek up on her. Also PamelaRose arranges for Buddies for new Moms. You need to PM her and then she will set you up with someone close to your Daughter. I think there are few people from out that way to be honest.

Please come back often and post away. If you want specific advice you can post in the Tri folders too.
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Postby JennyK » Jan 29, 2008 1:20 pm

Your daughter is lucky to have you taking care of her. My mom contacted a volunteer through this web site when I was pregnant the first time, almost 5 years ago. I was too sick to care or want to talk to anyone here, either online or on the phone. Even though I stayed sick to some degree the whole pregnancy, eventually I improved enough that I DID want to talk to people from HER and found the support invaluable.

Encourage your daughter to try other meds, or combinations of meds. Maybe she is a candidate for steroids. Maybe she needs more fluids than she's getting.

Keep us updated on her progress, and we'll be checking on you both.
Jenny
Annie, January '04
Will, August '06
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Postby dwtegli » Jan 29, 2008 1:38 pm

I have to second (or is it third) the suggestion of a meds combo. Zofran often does not work alone. Although the thought of taking any meds can scare a new pregnant mother to death, the alternative is often worse. I myself took zofran along with b6/unisom, some antacid (can't remember exactly what it was right now), and I know others have taken additional meds. Oftentimes it is trial and error to see what works and what doesn't work.

Your daughter is so lucky to have you to help her. Please keep us updated on how your daughter is doing. Hopefully eventually she will feel well enough to join us herself, but if not, that is okay too. WE will help anyway we can.
Wendy,
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Postby krdoty » Jan 29, 2008 1:46 pm

I'm so glad that you found us, Jeanne! I always find posts like yours to be heartbreaking. We all know the misery of HG. But I just can't imagine watching my child go through that misery. So while you continue to look for help and support for your daughter, please don't forget yourself. If YOU need a phone call or a virtual hug then those things are available to you as well.

Zofran never worked alone for me. Taking it on schedule did help stop the actual vomiting. But I still had what I called mini-pukes, which basically means GROSSMENT that there was just enough force for the contents of my stomach to make it into my mouth, but not enough force to actually exit my mouth. ENDGROSSMENT

I took Phenergan along with the Zofran to give it a boost. I was very tired with it, so I only took it at night. But I would have been a whole lot worse if I'd not had that 8-hour boost every night. I also took a PPI to reduce stomach acid, though I can't for the life of me remember which one.

I also made huge changes to my environment. There was no cooking allowed in my house for roughly 8 months, with the exception of using the microwave for my safe foods. My husband cleaned out the refrigerator every single week on trash night with an air purifier running right next to the refrigerator as he did it and me hiding upstairs in the bedroom. Even so, the refrigerator smells were still too much for me. So my husband would pack a cooler for me before he left for work each morning. My cooler included safe foods and drinks for me, along with the least smelly foods we could think of that I could feed my son. (He was 2 when his brother was born.) Those non-smelly foods were primarily FOODMENT dried fruits and veggies ENDFOODMENT.

I spent my days on our couch with my cell phone and a puke bucket next to me. My laptop was my connection to the outside world. The living room was childproofed so that my son could play basically unattended all day. He could climb up onto the couch next to me when he needed mommy time. Otherwise he was basically on his own. He watched a lot of tv. When my husband got home, he was on daddy and nurse duty. He took care of everything in the house. I left the house once per week to take my son to story hour, an outting that meant so much to me that I paid for it for days after, to go to the pharmacy and my OB's office. That's it. My husband did everything else.

Please tell your daughter that she is not alone in this. So many have been through this, and we can help her through this if she will let us. You both have support here.

BTW - How long will you be able to stay in South Bend with your daughter?
Kendra, M.W.F.E.
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Postby Cin » Jan 29, 2008 5:20 pm

Oh, how frightening for you both that she is so ill.

We have been there and we understand. The other ladies are right; Zofran often needs a "friend" to be truly effective. Many of us take an anti-nauseant to go along with Zofran, which is an anti-emetic. Other women take antacids as well.

These drugs are not going to hurt your daughter or grandchild, if taken under the supervision of a doctor. These drugs will save their lives and lessen your daughter's suffering.

I hate to scare you worse, but even though your daughter may be frightened of the drugs, something even more frighteneing might happen without those drugs. We often see women miscarry babies in the second trimester because they are getting so very little nutrition the baby cannot grow. Baby basically starves to death.

Many women are illogical and confused when malnourished and dehydrated. I know I was. So you may have to be very firm with your daughter that she needs more help.

(((((Jeanne and daughter)))))) Please know we are always here, day or night, and we would be happy to call you or your daughter as well. You can ask for info, cry, vent, whatever you need to do here.

Welcome to HER and congratulations on the impending arrival of your grandchild.
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Isaac, 10 -- NVP
Naomi, 8 -- HG
Edward, 4 -- avoided clinical HG through aggressive pre-emptive treatment and pure luck (aka medicated fluffy)
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how wonderful to have six new friends!

Postby Jeanne Garvey » Jan 29, 2008 7:16 pm

I can't tell you all how much your responses have meant to me. I don't have alot of time to be on the computer, but just reading through your responses has been a great boost. A good friend of mine's daughter, Susannah, suggested that I get on this site for which I will be eternally grateful. She also suggested that I call motherrisk.org which I did this afternoon. They had lots of good suggestions, which I tried to share with Becky's doctor, but didn't make it by the receptionist! Not to be deterred, I wrote a letter to the doctor, and attached five articles which motherrisk sent me. We'll see if he gets back to us tomorrow. I mentioned in the letter that Becky has hypoglycemia, which often makes the hyperemesis worse...also that your site suggests zofran in combination with an anti-nausea drug and also some antacid medication. She also hasn't pooped in two weeks, which I understand can be a side effect of the zofran, but can also be contributing to her nausea--so I feel so much better informed and ready to be her advocate! Thanks too for the suggestion that I may have to be somewhat firm...my daughter and son in law love this doctor, but if I don't get some response or willingness to try some additional meds, I'll try to get another opinion/doctor. anyway, you are all the best. many, many thanks.
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Postby Susannah » Jan 29, 2008 7:50 pm

Hi Jeanne!

I'm so glad the information you've gotten has been helpful. The nice thing is that there are so many ways to improve how Becky is feeling.

I sent you a bunch of links to pages on your PM (you can check it on the right side of the screen. Its the third choice under Who is Online.)

The other link I thought might be helpful is the list of zofran constipation threads http://forums.helpher.org/viewtopic.php?t=6772

There is a reason :takingzofran: is called taking zofran :wink:
Susannah
Elizabeth born at home 5/25/06 HG 8 weeks-delivery
Rose became our angel 8/2/07
Grace born at home 5/23/08 HG 7 weeks-delivery

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Postby krdoty » Jan 29, 2008 9:27 pm

Susannah beat me to the punch by posting the link to pooping topics. I can't tell you how many times I would complain about a spike in the nausea, only for someone to tell me to go poop. And they were right every time. Establishing and following a pooping protocol is just about as undignified as it gets, but your daughter will feel so much better when she does.

I am so glad that your daughter has you to advocate for her. I am amazed at just how much you've done for your daughter since your first post. I have no doubt that, with time and effort, you will be able to get her needs met.
Kendra, M.W.F.E.
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Postby Susannah » Jan 29, 2008 9:32 pm

My midwife wasn't all that excited about perscribing a glucometer, but I was able to get one and all the supplies through my primary care doctor. Just an idea if the OB doesn't gie you the script.
Susannah
Elizabeth born at home 5/25/06 HG 8 weeks-delivery
Rose became our angel 8/2/07
Grace born at home 5/23/08 HG 7 weeks-delivery

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taking pills

Postby Jeanne Garvey » Jan 30, 2008 8:44 am

thanks for all the good advice re: constipation, but I can't get Becky to take any pills. Last night the visiting nurse suggested she try taking an anti-nausea pill that she had, (the doctor still hasn't called us back), and she wouldn't do it. She doesn't think she's constipated, because she hasn't eaten anything (at least that has stayed down) in the last few weeks....any suggestions?
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Postby eliana1300 » Jan 30, 2008 10:37 am

Your daughter is so lucky to have you as an advocate! And you are doing a great job, asking all your questions.

I have to say that I saw a gastroenterologist before my HG diagnosis, and he was most worried about constipation, even though I hadn't eaten in 2 weeks and I wasn't on Zofran yet. When I did have major problems with it and pills wouldn't help, the only thing to turn to was a suppository as much as it sounds. I totally agree with Kendra above that sometimes pooping could make me feel a lot better, even if I hadn't eaten. Constipation can happen simply because of dehydration, which is a problem most of us deal with.

Zofran does come in a dissolving tablet, which can do better for someone who is nauseous all the time. I couldn't take solid pill form of any of the meds I was on until I had been on the ODT (orally dissolving tablet) for about a month.

I also had a lot of issues getting through the receptionist to the OB (even when I had been in the ER 2X in one day). I ended up changing OBs and the first time my new one saw me, she knew there was a problem. She had never seen me before in my life, and she knew anyway. So keep trying and someone will hear you, especially if you yell loud enough.

Seriously, though, your daughter is very lucky to have you. When going through HG, it is really very important to have someone speak for you, because most of the time, you don't have the energy to speak for yourself. And it must be very hard to see your daughter go through this. Good luck, and there are many people on here that can help you (and her) through this.
Eliana
1st pg = HG 8 weeks to c-section delivery due to breech presentation--D&C at 4 months PP for retained placenta
2nd pg = HG from 6 weeks up to 7 months--scheduled c-section
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halleluia

Postby Jeanne Garvey » Jan 30, 2008 1:10 pm

Our first stroke of good luck--the visiting nurse who is in charge of Becky's IV had hyperemesis herself! She had all kinds of good ideas, and is willing to suggest them to the doctor, so we may now be able to get an anti-nausea med through her iv, and also an antacid. She suggested trying the benadryl strips first, because Becky has alot of saliva in her mouth, and the nurse said she thought that may be contributing to her nauseus feeling. also lemon drops. so...I finally feel as though someone in the medical community is listening and willing to work with us to try different things until she is feeling better. thanks again to all.
Jeanne
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Postby mmichelle » Jan 30, 2008 1:56 pm

I am glad you have her nurse on your side. I had problems with my doctor that only my home health nurse was able to push through. I told my mom about your post and she told me to send you hugs. She knows how you feel as she watched me suffer through two pregnacies with the last one being the worst. Your daughter is blessed to have you pushing for her. Sometimes my mom was the only one who got through my doctor because I was to sick and too depressed to care.

Thinking of you and your daughter!
Meredith
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Postby teddi » Jan 31, 2008 12:30 am

Actually... despite eating virtually nothing... if it's been two weeks, she probably is constipated. And hte longer it goes the worse it gets. I too had the constipation and during the worst when I was really eating, was on Zofran -- i thought the same thing. Nothing in, nothing out, right? Well... less out, but nothing, no. Sorry ! Not trying to be gross. But you are right, she will feel better.

It took to my 2nd pg to figure this out but finally I had to put myself on a forced time schedule. I think it was somewhere like 3 or so days. I would need to make it happen and it did help I think somewhat with the Nausea and vomiting.

The other suggestion I would make is that she might also want to talk her the Dr about steroid therapy. For some women, steroids can substantially if not almost "cure" the HG. Generally the steroids aren't used until after the first trimester (after the embryonic and early fetal period).

I'm sorry she's so down and depressed. I know that dark, hopeless hole.

Can you at least send her our love and well wishes? And maybe she will let you read off these responses to her. Tell her she CAN do this and there ARE happy and healthy days ahead.
Teddi
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Chloe & Kaylie, 12/2004 HG #2, wk 7 - birth, pre-E/pancreatitis
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