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[SkunkPaw]

I am so depressed right now. My dh left me crying on the couch to go clean out the truck. He did take ds. I was suppose to go out with a friend today but cancelled when she didn't show up on time. What is with me?? Dh said that he would be right back but its been what seems like forever and I can't stop crying. Am I over reacting about him leaving me while I am crying???

[Gracie]

(((Hugs)))... I'm in the process of hating any and all men... so I don't think it would be fair for me to comment too much on your dh leaving while you are crying. I know a lot of men cannot cope with tears though and in his head he may have thought that you wanted to be alone without him and ds.

I don't think you are over-reacting... it hurts to expect someone to be there for company or comfort and to be let down. Add to that the HG battle and now hormones and it isn't surprising that first having your plans with a friend cancelled then your dh walking out were too much for you to cope with alone today.

I wish I had some magic words to soothe this over for you, but I hope that you will find some comfort knowing that we are here for you on this site...

[Marie]

Chaz,

How are you doing? Was this the first time you have been driven to tears and could not stop crying? I had similar experiences, but mine lasted longer than the two week baby blues period, and I was diagnosed with post partum depression.

Please update on how you are doing.
Hugs,
Marie

[SkunkPaw]

NO, this isn't the first time. I do have PPD, and have not been to a dr about it or have not been given meds. I told my ob dr is who passing me on to someone else but has yet to give me an appointment. I feel like its not important or that no one cares. I have felt really depressed, like horribly depressed to where I am having bad thoughts since last Wednesday and I told my dr and all she could say was she will refer me and if I start having bad thoughts to go to the ER - which I told her i had bad thoughts.

The thoughts consist of my cutting myself again. I use to do it and it acutally helped my depression, but I know it isn't healthy. I just... I don't know... ya know?

[Marie]

Chaz,

Please go get help. That is very serious, and in need of immediate attention. I am crying tears of pain for you as I type this. Please I beg of you for your family go to the ER and get help.

MUCH LOVE,
Marie

[Jenny]

I am with Gracie at the moment in the man hate mode, so probably not the best one either to advise on that one. Though I can say that my dh doesn't respond well to tears at ALL, especially if HE caused those tears, it is almost fuel for his anger. He is NOT compassionate or sympathetic in that area. That is hard for me as a woman, and probably you too b/c if we see tears we want to hold that person and help them and bring them healing. We want that sort of repsonse from our dhs as well.

As for depression maybe your medicine is not working? Could you ask to try a different dose or brand? I tried Lexapro which is working wonders with a close friend and all I got from it was more vomitting. Six months later when I was starting to have suicidal thoughts after losing Joshua, the doctor put me on Zoloft which worked WONDERS. I miss it right about now. I quit taking it about three weeks ago because at the time I was doing really well. Smart move just a week before Joshua's due date and a month before Jordan's birthday!

You definitely need to seek some help with this. Maybe a change of meds is in order. Hurting yourself is not a solution to the big problem. It may feel like it is giving you momentary control, but it is really stealing your control away from yourself.

Love you much, all of us here do, I wish when we were having hard days we could just all gather together in a big room and encourage each other and hug and eat and no one would feel yucky!! Is that too much to ask?

Maybe join us on Friday nights for our chats. That has been very healing for me.

Feel free to pm, or message or email me anytime,

Much love

jenny

[Jenny]

I just reread your post that you said you are NOT getting meds for it. You need to walk yourself right down to the ER right now and demand medication. I am telling you that for me it was the difference between walking around in a sea of pain and blizzard and cold and darkness to walking around in a sunny park and being able to see things for what they really were and deal with the pain and grief in ways that brought me healing and joy. I promise that it was the best thing I ever did and I was off them within three months.

[SkunkPaw]

I just don't feel right going to the ER saying "Im here caused Im depressed". Makes me feel like I am just going for attention. Having said that I do feel like I need to get help now. It is just getting worse and worse. I don't want to be stuck in the hospital cause I hate the hospital. This is just a debate I won't win. Plus we already owe so much to them. My gall bladder has been giving me trouble, at least that is what I think it is. I started throwing up --- again --- like I have HG all over. I am trying to log onto webmd so I can look up what I am experiencing to see what it tells me to do... I am calling both my drs today... MY ob to tell her that it has gotten bad. Lets just say that I am visualizing my disturbing thoughts... My pcp cause now I am seeing spots and need more pain meds for my darn headaches... not to mention my referrals for the lupus and to get the gall bladder out. I have been waiting for them to call me back since Monday. Maybe I am one of those ppl that the medical industry hates or doesn't care about or doesn't believe.

[SkunkPaw]

I just don't feel right going to the ER saying "Im here caused Im depressed". Makes me feel like I am just going for attention. Having said that I do feel like I need to get help now. It is just getting worse and worse. I don't want to be stuck in the hospital cause I hate the hospital. This is just a debate I won't win. Plus we already owe so much to them. My gall bladder has been giving me trouble, at least that is what I think it is. I started throwing up --- again --- like I have HG all over. I am trying to log onto webmd so I can look up what I am experiencing to see what it tells me to do... I am calling both my drs today... MY ob to tell her that it has gotten bad. Lets just say that I am visualizing my disturbing thoughts... My pcp cause now I am seeing spots and need more pain meds for my darn headaches... not to mention my referrals for the lupus and to get the gall bladder out. I have been waiting for them to call me back since Monday. Maybe I am one of those ppl that the medical industry hates or doesn't care about or doesn't believe.

[IslandDreamer]

Chaz, honey,

Jenny's right. You are sick and need medical care. This is NOT your fault. You WILL get better, but it does sound like you need some help right now.

I'm PMing you right now.

Love,
Suzanne

[BrandiJK]

I am late responding to this, sorry Chaz. I agree with everyone, you need to push yourself in there. Go to the ER. Tell them that no one is hearing you, and you know you need help, not just for your sake but for the sake of your children.
The feeling that no one cares is probably attached to the depression.

Don't feel bad about going into the ER. Yeah, your doc should be taking care of this. But that is obviously not happening, and you need to do what you need to do. The ER docs will understand that, and at least it will get you in to see someone!!

[Mom to Aidan & Daniel]

BIG HUGS to you, dear! i agree, you must be heard, and get help! you deserve it!

more hugs
sarah

[Gracie]

Chaz,

After reading all the other posts, I agree with the others and it sounds like PPD and it is not going to go away on its own. You deserve the chance to feel well and enjoy life, the baby and everything else, so you need to push yourself to go into the ER and get treatment...

I'm so sorry that your doc is not keeping up with this! Can someone go with you to the ER so that you don't have to talk much? Trust me, the crying will be obvious but if someone can give the history instead of you it may help.

Hugs and prayers,

[IslandDreamer]

Chaz,

I've got a lead on a new doc with experience with PPD. IN YOUR AREA! Give me a little while to verify that this is a good physician, etc.

Love you,
Suzanne

[SkunkPaw]

I called my PCP - again and added the PPD to the list and told them that my ob was suppose to get me in with a psyco dr but I haven't heard and that it is getting pretty bad to th list of complaints... They said they will talk to my dr and give me a call "right" back.... I have heard that before. I am going to give them one more chance.

[JennyK]

I agree with the others. You need to go to the ER or an urgent care clinic RIGHT AWAY. You need help NOW and it's not your fault you feel this way.

[Marie]

Chaz,

I am about to get ready for work, but am going to check in here tonight from my work pc for updates. Thinking of you.

Hugs,
Marie

[IslandDreamer]

I sent you a PM. Let me know when it arrives so I know the server is behaving...k?

Love you.

[SkunkPaw]

Update:

My dr's office called back and they said that my PCP wanted to see me ASAP, so I go intomorrow. BUT I can't voicalize how I am feeling so I have to write it down so he can read it. It's even hard for me to tell you guys my alarming thoughts...

Ok I am now going to check my PMs

[Gracie]

(((Chaz))) you do whatever you have to in order to convey how you are feeling and what you are thinking to the doctor... writing it down is perfectly fine, even if you have to do it on a roll of toilet paper with crayons! Trust me!!!!!

I'm glad to hear that you will be seeing someone tomorrow... hang in there and while you are doing all that writing, which may seem draining at the time, to help you get through it think of that beautiful baby and remember that we are all here rooting for you to get well. You need to get that all out so you can get better...

Take care, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I am glad to see that you have so many around here that you can PM for help and support....