so alone

[katie929]

I am so glad that I'm not alone in my depression. I have struggled with depression before my pregnancy. Being so sick and feeling alone has triggered my depression. Being alone and on bed rest has been really hard. I feel guilty for being on bed rest and not helping out around the house more. I struggle with resenting the baby. This is a miracle baby after two miscarriages, and being told we may never have kids. My husband is so excited, and part of me is also, but part of me feels so sick and depressed and just wants it to be over. I always wanted a huge family, but now with the HG I can't imagine doing this again. So many people in my life have said very hurtful things, and people I thought I was close to, including family, have all said hurtful things and made me feel more alone.

My dr put me on zoloft, and just upped the dosage. It helps some, but the emotions are still there. I still feel alone right now. I'm not saying all this so people will feel sorry for me. I just feel like this is a safe place to share. I don't really have a safe place where I won't be judged or hurt.

[notcoping]

Hi Katie,

Please feel free and safe to share here. I know its hard to be so sick,just take it one day at a time. I hope you feel better soon. xo

[AnneCan]

Hi, sorry you're having a hard time, but rest assured that we totally get you! It's really difficult being on bed rest, giving up your 'regular' life, and being so sick and isolated. People don't understand, and it's hard when you don't have a support network that understands what you're going through. I really rely a lot on these forums, because in the end, the ladies here are the only ones that 'get it' without needing to constantly explain myself and justify my feelings.

There are also a lot of women here that suffer with depression throughout HG and after (me included). Have you thought about going into some sort of counseling? You may not be well enough for that yet, but maybe keep it in mind once you are a bit more mobile. On top of the medication, it may help you adjust to HG and life with baby. And definitely don't feel badly for resenting baby...that's pretty common with an HG pregnancy. It's hard to feel connected when you're so sick...you use all your energy just to make it through the day and then you're spent after that. You'll have a whole lifetime to bond, once you're feeling better!

Don't forget you're not just laying around being sick, you're sacrificing your normalicy for another human being that you're working tremendously hard at growing. Give yourself the space to just "be", and realize that you're doing the best you can for a child that will forever be a part of your life.

[dawnypie]

I completely understand. If you read under the topic just can't do it anymore, that is me. That is what I have been going through with this horrible Hg pregnancy. I wanted to die. I wanted to miscarry even after I had just lost a baby and was trying so hard to get pregnant. I am still struggling but it is getting better. You are not alone. I remember when I was on bedrest laying in bed and begging for God to please take me and for all of it to be over. It will get better. We are always here for you and you will never be judged here. Many hugs sent your way.

[faithlove]

You are definitely not alone! I remember constantly thinking about just ending my life when I was pregnant both times! But just remember, it WILL be over and you will have a baby, God willing. I had so many bad emotions, just like you--- resenting the baby, resenting God, feeling bitter. Feeling guilty about being in bed. Feeling so sad over giving up my life and being basically useless in our household and a drain on everyone.

Just take it one hour at a time...and anyone else reading this...your not alone! And for many, it really is as bad as it seems, and it is OK to rest and not feel guilty. I watched the whole entire Little House on the Prairie-- TWICE. That was the only thing that helped pass the time.

[Schatje]

You are not alone here. In general people with long term illnesses, especially ones that affect their lives so drastically, develop depression. Add to that the fact that not many people can understand and a lot of people are jerks about HG I'm more surprised when women aren't depressed. Do your best to take care of yourself. Are you able to stay hydrated? Dehydration can absolutely make symptoms of depression worse and bumping up the zoloft dosage isn't going to help that.

[merry]

I undeWelcome. You are in the best place to get help.
I went through the severe type of HG 4 years ago and the only thing that help was this site . I was alone, I meant alone physically and emotionally. On TPN and IV, the entire pregnancy in and out with home nursing. The last puke on the c- surgery bed . One can imagine hard it was, but I found friends here who were there for me day and night, recommended treatments to my doctors encouraged me to go on etc. HG‘s depression residue is still there in my life however, friends who I found here are still with me – raising my child (Andrea it is you). It is very true that HG did the best thing in m life –meeting friends.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!