I'm only 16w, 3d. So, I know I've got a while left of this pregnancy. But even the thought of sex after the baby is born is terrifying. I've decided to get my tubes tied. Dh readily agreed to get a vasectomy. This will be our 3rd baby. We have a 7 yr old, a 4 yr old, and we did miscarry early this year. We want to adopt at some point, and thought this might be the last anyways. But when my "flu" was so obviously not the flu anymore, that decided it. We are very religious, and I would go to sleep praying I wouldn't die and leave my kids without a mother. My husband would check on me every 30 minutes, and if I was sleeping he would wait a minute to make sure I was still breathing. We actually did decide on an abortion one day at the hospital, which broke our hearts. We called an abortion clinic referred to us. But, the girl at the clinic on the phone seemed clueless and then I had to sign papers for the discharge, so I hung up on her. We planned on calling back, and then it eased up ever so slightly. We decided to wait, but that no matter what we would never do this again.
I don't know how I feel about that decision. I laughed when I caught on to the "fluffy" term. Oh, I'd love a fluffy pregnancy! My others were nothing like this, but were each horrible in their own way, and I think I had very mild HG with my daughter (if that's possible, that or absolutely hellish morning sickness). And when compared to my 3 sisters-in-law's pregnancies, it was shocking how they were never sick. And aggravating. I wanted that! I didn't understand why I couldn't just have that too. My mother never had any problems either with sickness. She did have to have stitches in her weak cervix, but she never experienced any sickness. Part of me is angry that this is my ending to my pregnancies.
I feel cheated b/c I never got a fluffy. It is hard to think that this is my last biological child and I can't enjoy this pregnancy. I'm just trying to do what my docs said, not overdo it, and pray I don't have to end up in the hospital again. I've been stuck in bed over 2 months. I take 7 pills every day, hoping it will be enough to keep me out of the hospital. My kids have totally forgotten what life was like with me running the home. I know we don't really want another baby. I really am terrified of the idea of doing this twice. We're both getting surgeries and I know I'll probably make him use condoms too for a while.
So if I know how scared and sick I am, and I knew this could be the last even if I wasn't sick, why is this decision still so heart-breaking?