Not recommended to have more...

Discuss the triumph or heartache of not having more children, and the struggle to make that decision.

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Not recommended to have more...

Postby JLynn8119 » Sep 29, 2012 12:10 am

Hello everyone. I'm new to this site and just need to get some thoughts off of my mind.

So I had HG during my pregnancy with my daughter 4 years ago. I had to have a PICC line put in but luckily did not have to face weeks upon weeks in the hospital and didn't reach the point of having a feeding tube put in. I had HG up until my 29th week of pregnancy and my daughter was delivered via emergency c-section when she was 32 weeks gestational. After I had her, I thought to myself "I will never get pregnant again! EVER." Well, needless to say, just like other women who have said the same thing, my husband and I had started discussing having another one. I went to see my physician to talk to her about getting pregnant again and she referred me to an actual OB/GYN who specializes in high risk pregnancy (I'm also a Type 1 Diabetic). I went in with my head held up high and confident that she would say "go ahead and start trying". Well, unfortunately, that's not the response that I got. I told her of my difficult pregnancy and struggle with HG and she flat out told me "You are more likely to have HG again and even more severe...meaning...you could spend a good portion of your pregnancy in a hospital bed with a feeding tube attached to you. I don't recommend for you to get pregnant. But...if you do...we will take it one step at a time. I would highly recommend you sit down with your husband and have a long, serious discussion about this and the risks involved." Talk about having dreams squashed like a bug! I felt like I had just lost all hope of expanding our family. We really wanted to have one more child, and as much as I'd love to have another one, I'm deathly afraid of having HG again! I honestly don't think my body could take it again. My husband still wants to try and as much as I would like to, I definitely don't want to risk my life or leave my daughter without a mother while I spend a pregnancy attached to a hospital bed. It's been really difficult to come to terms with the fact that I shouldn't have any more kids. How have you ladies dealt with this? And even though I know I'm not alone, I feel like it. Any kind words would be appreciated. :(
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Re: Not recommended to have more...

Postby aaronsmommy » Sep 29, 2012 9:06 am

Time helps. I still struggle with it sometimes and my son will be 10 soon, but it is certainly easier.

It is hard to see so many others just do go ahead and do it, but I know I just can't. With my son's pregnancy there were several times where I had to say I don't care what happens to me, I will do whatever it takes to get through this. Once he was here, I knew I wouldn't be able to do make that same decision again and never wanted to be faced with the question of termination or risk to my life without being able to say I would rather die than terminate. I want him to have a mom, but there is also a selfish reason to that because I want to be around to watch him grow up.

You may look at your hg and think it is milder than some who do it over and over, but you also have the diabetes, and the 2 make a very lousy combination, so you can't compare yourself to them. Spending the pregnancy in the hospital would be awful, but that hardly seems like the worst thing that could happen. If your husband wants to push for still trying, he needs to consider the real possibility of having to raise your daughter himself forever, not just for a few months. My husband wasn't willing to come anywhere near me with that as a possibility, but other people make a different decision.

It is not fair, but I am certainly thankful for the one that I have.
Aimee

Aaron 12/4/02
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Re: Not recommended to have more...

Postby JLynn8119 » Sep 29, 2012 11:10 am

Thank you for your response. It is definitely a difficult situation to deal with but I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that my daughter is going to be an only child. My husband is also starting to realize that he would not be able to handle taking care of everything ranging from me, to my daughter, to our home, and working at the same time. And I'm definitely not going to risk going it alone. It is definitely amazing to me that women who have suffered from HG want to have more and more children. They are for sure a lot stronger than me cause I'm terrified to even get pregnant and risk having it even worse the second time. I would love to add another child to our family, but I'm just not willing to put my life in danger to do it. And I can't be selfish because I have a little girl who needs me. I just try to think of it that way. Having diabetes definitely doesn't help the situation. I've also been off birth control for almost 3 months and after speaking with my doctor, I'm waiting for my period to start so that I can get back on the pill. And the scary part is, my husband and I had sex during the time I was fertile and I'm just crossing my fingers that I didn't get pregnant this month.

Thanks again for your kind words and it's nice to know that there are others just like me out there with the same feelings.

Jennifer
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Re: Not recommended to have more...

Postby LadyBug1 » Sep 29, 2012 3:37 pm

I work in health care and asked several doctors that I trust a lot what they recommend to prepare women for a second HG pregnancy. Only one had the courage to tell me that he strongly suggests his patients with HG not have more children. He's the one I trust the most, and I don't know why I decided not to listen to him. The second time is so much harder, because it's not just you and your SO, it's now a small child who doesn't understand why mommy is so sick, why she can't play, why she only sleeps. For us it also means the possibility of termination becomes more real, because I will not risk my life and leave my little girl without a mother. I wish I'd had the sense and strength to say no more.
DD 05/2010 - moderate HG 7-20 weeks (phenegran, IV fluids/zofran), mild HG 20-birth, lost 11% bodyweight
DS 05/2013 - mild HG 6 weeks - 35 weeks (zofran, zantac, B6, tums, colace), MS 35-birth (zofran as needed), lost 7% bodyweight

Tubal ligation following the birth of DS.

My perfect family was worth every minute.
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Re: Not recommended to have more...

Postby JLynn8119 » Sep 30, 2012 1:20 pm

Yeah, it's definitely a scary situation. I was upset that my ob/gyn had told me not to have any more children, but I was extremely pleased at the fact that she was up front and honest with me. I don't think a lot of doctors are willing to tell a patient no. But she definitely had no problem in telling me. LOL. I hope that you stay healthy and I know the thought of termination is a difficult one, but like you said, you also have another child that you have to care for. So I completely understand where you're coming from. I have actually felt a little out-of-sorts this week and I'm just praying that I didn't get pregnant before I saw my ob/gyn. I'm not sure what I will do if I did, but I'm just taking it as it comes.
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Re: Not recommended to have more...

Postby Cin » Oct 04, 2012 12:31 pm

Remember, OP, not all of us HGers have your severity or risk factors.

Moderate HGers like me can afford to take the risk, knowing it is unlikely we will die or have serious, long-term health damage.

Please don't compare yourself to us! There are gradations in this hideous disease.

Some of us respond amazingly well to aggressive, preemptive treatment (full dose Zofran and other meds at the positive pg test.) It's more likely with those of us who have moderate disease. I am one of those lucky ones -- my 4th pg was great for HG. No dehydration, no IV fluids -- I called myself a medicated fluffy. I was still sick, but it was nothing compared to my 3rd pg.

I had HG for the first time with my 3rd pg, so I never knew what it was like to do it without small children. That changes the way you look at it too -- my kids were all a good deal older when we tried for #4, which made it easier. They could understand.

When my last son was born, the surgeon told me my uterus was a wreck from the 4 C-sections I've had. It is extensively scarred. I have adhesions from the scars. One area of my uterus was so thin he could see straight through it and look at the baby. He told me it was a miracle I didn't rupture. He told me I almost certainly will rupture if I have another child, and he recommended I never get pregnant again.

My life would be in danger. I listened to the doctor. I know it was hard, and I have 4 kids! I can't imagine how difficult it must be when you have one and want more.

I guess what I am saying this: I am not "brave" because I did HG twice. My risks were different than yours. Now that my life would be in danger, I have made the same reasoned decision you have made. I want to live.

You are probably the bravest woman I know for even considering a second with your risk factors. Stop thinking you are a coward! You, my friend, are courage personified.

Much love to you and yours.
Image
Mom to Alex, 12 -- NVP
Isaac, 10 -- NVP
Naomi, 8 -- HG
Edward, 4 -- avoided clinical HG through aggressive pre-emptive treatment and pure luck (aka medicated fluffy)
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Re: Not recommended to have more...

Postby JLynn8119 » Oct 05, 2012 11:30 pm

Thank you so much Cin. It's definitely gotten a lot easier to deal with. I wish I could change it, but I know it is the way it is meant to be. I'm just happy for the happy and healthy one that I have been blessed with. I'm luckily starting work in a field that I love so I could be helping women that are in the same situation that I was and hopefully can bring help and understanding. Life is just so busy right now that I don't have time to even think about babies. Anyway. I just see myself as very fortunate to have survived HG once and I'm lucky that I will hopefully never experience it again.
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Re: Not recommended to have more...

Postby phaerelastra » Nov 15, 2012 12:07 pm

It was my DH that recommended I don't have any more, not my doctor, unfortunately. I had to switch to someone different after Kathleen was born because we moved during the pregnancy, so I kept my ob only until she was born. It stinks, because she was awesome. My new doctor is no bullshit (she's from Italy) and did not encourage the idea of more kids, but told me if I did, she wouldn't jump into a protocol until HG reared its ugly head. I don't think that's the best method of doing things, but whatever.

Instead, I had a hysterectomy this summer, after much discussion with the doctor and my husband. I spent time in the hospital before the docs figured out my endometriosis was really bad and I lost an ovary during that laparoscopy. Getting pregnant was hard already with endo, so losing an ovary was like a nail in the coffin. I didn't want to miss out on any of Kathleen's baby or toddler days, just to be selfish and have "just one more" so maybe I could have a boy. I made the decision to have the hysterectomy because it was inevitable thanks to endo, but because I thought I was done. Turns out that I wasn't.

I come back to the boards here sometimes and while it may seem demented, I reminisce about even having HG, not just my pregnancy. It was the first time in my life I was allowed to lay down for 6 months and no one got mad at me. I've heard people say that they wish they had HG, so they could lose weight in the pg, not gain, and I look at them like they're crazy. A friend of mine is on baby #5 and they're going to find out the sex on my birthday, in just a couple of weeks. It hurts to hear that, knowing that there's no possible way for me to join in and be pg too. I had a full hyst.... no ovaries, tubes, uterus, or cervix. It's killing me and I hate it. I think my decision was hasty and I should have tried one more time. HG is worth it, just to hold that little baby at the end. But I think I was too weak willed to go through more HG, and that was part of the decision to have the hyst. Every time I have a hot flash, I get resentful (which makes them worse lol) and I can only cope by trying to play with my baby and be thankful. But she's a toddler now, and most of the time, is too independent to want to play with Mommy or hold still for hugs. Now that's some rejection that's hard to deal with....

Anyway, my point is this: you need to be comfortable with your decision, considering all the health risks and what you'd have to go through. Maybe family or friends could help, or maybe your insurance can pay for a visiting nurse a few times a week. Or get a maid once every two weeks, whatever it takes. Just don't make a permanent decision that you might regret. Having your uterus gone will definitely make you miss it.... LOL I haven't had a period since July, and I think I almost miss those too! At least they made me feel like a woman. Instead, I feel like a hollow shell, incapable of the simplest tasks a woman is made for, and that's hard to live with. (I take a lot of meds to deal with all this, so I know it's more than just the hyst that bothers me.... HG messed me up in the head, of course.)

I hope the best for you, and if pregnancy is what you NEED to do, then plan for it very carefully. I'm only 30, just weeks from 31, and that transition made all the difference in the world to me. I realized my procreation time was coming to an end, and then I ended it myself. It's tough to battle those emotions on it. Good luck.
Image

Kathleen Amelia, born by repeat c-section on 9/2/11. HG from 5-39 weeks, Zofran, Phenergan, Marinol.

Image
1st HG baby, undiagnosed - Elizabeth-Anne Rose, born 2-9-99. Proud to have survived a teen pregnancy and made it to the other side, especially with HG.
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