Welcome to the forums. Looking forward to getting to know you.
I totally hear ya on the no more kids and the anxiety about pg.
PG was my greatest nightmare; then, I was pg last year at this time. I was so angry and upset. As you can see from my signature, I lost (not from HG) Hope and grieve deeply. But my longing for her does not change how upset and unhappy I was to be pg, nor does it make me long for another child. If I could get her back, I'd do anything...but nope on another pg...and I'm certain that sounds completely wacko.
For me, fear of the hospital and more medical intervention is the reason I've not had a tubal...
...hoping to get over that fear...but then at my age, menopause can't be that far away
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You are not alone in your decision or your fears.
Suzanne