Joining the ranks

[phaerelastra]

Just like every other forum on here, I feel completely understood before I even say anything.

I scheduled my hysterectomy for August 16th, just two weeks from tomorrow. My DH is done with having kids, because of what HG did to our family, but I think more specifically because of me. I guess it's hard to be the husband to a woman with HG, but too bad... my biological urges are telling me to have one more, while my wallet and my family are telling me no. I had surgery for endometriosis in June, which resulted in the loss of my right ovary. Now, because I'm finally old enough I guess, my doctors are pushing me in the permanent direction of total hysterectomy. I'm all for it, and then I see someone pregnant and I want to cry.

It really sucks.

[becca93]

(((big hugs)))

It does suck. I don't think I stopped having issues around pregnant women (I encounter them ALL the time at my college) until DS was 4 years old and my hormones sort of gave up.

Sorry that you are joining the ranks, but the ranks understand how hard this is.

[dwtegli]

I still get that little feeling of loss when I see a pregnant woman, or worse hold a newborn. I had a hysterectomy two months after my youngest was born. I was only 31, but I had always had so much trouble with painful periods, and other issues that I had no trouble getting my doc to agree to it. I don't regret having one for a minute, but yeah, I still have that longing at times. I don't know if it will ever go away.

[phaerelastra]

Sitting in the hospital, waiting to have my hysterectomy. Now why today, of all days, and when I'm already anxious, does my doctor have to be running late? Oh, well. See y'all on the other side!

[phaerelastra]

Well, my surgery went well and I no longer will have a period or worry about bearing children. And hey, maybe the endometriosis is finally gone (sometimes it doesn't cure it even with a full hysterectomy). I start hormone therapy at the end of September to make sure I don't go through full menopause just yet, so we'll see what that's like.

I'm gonna be leaving the forums for a little while, I think. I have friends who are pregnant and fluffy and I can hardly cope with them.... I find myself wishing that I could turn back the clock and even go through HG again, but obviously, I can't.

Thank you all for your support, I really appreciate every last one of you. Love to all of my HG sisters and I wish all of you the absolute best for you and your babies. You are all the strongest women I have ever known and I don't know what I would have done without these forums and you ladies.

Love,
Jessica

[Brynn1984]

Hi Jessica,

I know you might not see this since you are taking a break from the forums, but I just wanted to wish you the best with your recovery. You are so, so, so strong for having endured HG twice. Please let us know how you are doing down the road

[phaerelastra]

I was feeling okay emotionally to post an update, but then I read my other posts and got all teary. I've recovered slowly, my worst problem has been exhaustion when DH can't seem to do a sufficient job around the house and I feel I should pitch in, but after just a few minutes I get light headed and really tired. I was readmitted to the hospital 10 days post-op for an abcess (gross) and took heavy antibiotics through IV until discharge. And then, because I'm allergic to penicillin, I had to get very specific scripts when I went home and the insurance refused to pay one of them, and it was almost $150 by itself! While the pharmacy, doc's office, and insurance all played call tag, I woke the next morning with flu symptoms and a fever, and at first I got yelled at for not taking the second medicine, until they found out it was their fault. I'm doing better now, I think, but I'm still kinda sad about losing part of my womanhood, as I see it. I found a website called www.iheartorgans.com and they sell weird plushies like the complete uterus, tubes and ovaries... I'm gonna get it for myself so it's almost like having them back.... LOL And when I'm really over it, I know I can put it away and laugh about it. Maybe.

So that's how I'm doing. Back to the doc this morning because I really don't feel all that great, plus a million absences need to be excused from my 5 history courses this semester. I graduate in the spring, so that will be nice.

Thank you all again for your support. I'll come back occasionally, I think, because the hysterectomy forums I've found have too many women excited to have lost their "stuff", while I'm miserable about it and far younger in many cases. Love you girls!